I feel like this is the only term that comes into mind when I reflect on my BRIEF most recent relationship...(not THAT one, another one's bitten the dust since then)...
It's a sad realization, but it's something that I need to acknowledge for what it is. I could apologize, because you can't play with someone's heart that way. Especially knowing they feel a certain way about you.
But I think we might be past the point of apologies.
Too many hurtful things have been done and said now.
I knew going into this situation with him that in my heart of hearts, it wasn't what I wanted. HE wasn't what I wanted. But I dove in anyway, trying to build off of the familiarity of him.
That was unfair.
But sometimes you fool yourself into thinking that what's familiar is what's best for you. Familiar KNOWS you. Familiar wouldn't hurt you. Familiar is SAFE.
I put logic first because putting emotion first hasn't yielded any desirable results for me thus far.
That was really fucking stupid.
But that chapter is closed, for good this time. Second time was not the charm. Familiar was not safe. In fact, familiar was on more bullshit than I could have ever imagined.
So we move on.
There just might be a new Sherriff in town ^_^
Showing posts with label A HOT Ass Mess. Show all posts
Showing posts with label A HOT Ass Mess. Show all posts
No Holds Barred...
"I can't believe that it's over, baby....
But every bruise on my heart, you gave me."
--Ashanti {Over}.
I know I've been M.I.A. (again)...but it's not in vain. I promise.
I've been debating how much I wanted to share on here, for various reasons. Mainly, the situation I wrote about in my last post took some time for me to adjust to, and it's rather embarrassing for a Leo like myself...I'm not used to losing, failing, etc. But I was reminded by fellow bloggers, friends, and family members that there's strength in telling one's story. Writing has always been my only true form of release. When I write, I imagine myself sitting in the mirror telling the story to myself...In it's own strange, kooky way, it gives me clarity...
So I'll start from the beginning, for those who don't know me in "real life", those who do know me but never knew the whole story, those who only know bits & pieces, etc.
When I was in high school...I met CB. I was involved with someone else at the time, so we became friends. He lived a couple states away, but we talked and wrote each other a LOT. After a few months, we became best friends. It took us both awhile to admit it (and by awhile, I mean like a year or so)...but obviously we became more than just friends. In 2006, a month into my freshman year of undergrad (he was still a senior in high school), I realized that I was in toooooo deep. But so was he. And at that moment, everything I ever saw for my future shifted. It all included him. A couple months later, we made it official.
The next year, he went off to college. I'd say we held on pretty tough for awhile. His freshman year was a lot different than mine. He's an athlete, he went Greek, etc. Of course the distance has always been a factor, but at the time we had goals that included one another, so we made it work. Better than most are capable of making things work even in close proximity...Graduation seemed to be the light at the end of our romantic tunnel..
Fast forward to 2010...
The phone calls became fewer and farther between. In my heart of hearts, I knew that something was wrong, but of course I didn't want to admit it...or even speak it into existence. But I'm a woman. And we know.... Yes, men. We always know. What we choose to DO in response to that knowledge depends on the person. And personally, I wanted so badly to believe that this was the same person I'd fallen in love with back in high school...the person who wrote me poetry and 11-page letters, and wrote my name surrounded by hearts in the corners of the pages. But in retrospect, that smitten boy had grown into a slightly older BOY. A boy whom I don't recognize, or care to know at this point.
When I wrote my last post, I was in a completely different headspace than the one I'm in right now. I'd just found out that CB had began seeing someone else. Obviously, right? Lol. But at the time, I was in such a cycle of emotion, and I couldn't fathom leaving the comfort zone that had been built during my relationship with him. I was willing to listen, to understand, to try to reconcile....and ultimately, to settle (which is a realization that I recently came to). I thought that my world as I knew it wouldn't, and couldn't survive the loss of the person I thought belonged in my fairy-tale ending. So I did what a lot of women do. I reached out. I remained calm. I asked the questions I wanted answers to. I avoided those that I didn't want to know the answers to. Never realizing that I was simply dragging out the inevitable...because when someone's got one foot out of the door, there usually isn't much chance of getting them to come back in. Anywho...none of it mattered. Because my efforts weren't even responded to. Literally. Like I said, writing is my release....so I went back to the basics. I wrote a letter. A very personal, very transparent letter. I didn't want there to be any mistaking my stance on the matter at hand...or my desired solution. The letter laid everything I felt (at the time) completely on the table...and I'm not good at the whole vulnerability thing...but again, I trusted that I was putting these emotions into the proper hands. Clearly I was mistaken. My letter was sent in mid-February. The last conversation before I sent that letter....is the last communication of any sort that I had with him. No response. No return-to-sender. Nothing. And that's how 4+ years of my love life ended.
THEN, although I'd kept my mind from even dwelling on the elephant in the room (The Other Woman), a few days ago that little voice in my head spoke again...and I decided to do a little investigating. Lol... I don't trust anyone's information but my own these days, so I needed to find out first hand. When I did...I almost died. Laughing...... no, seriously...I laughed for a good 10 minutes when I saw who this chick was. I've never met her. Right now, I'm contemplating posting the pic of her that I posted on my FB wall when I found out (yes, I posted her pic. #ruthless)...just because I feel that you, as my loyal readers & cyber-friends deserve to laugh as wholeheartedly as I did that day. Yes, I think I'll post the pic.
And, by no means do I think cheating is all about aesthetics....Obviously there's something about this girl that was worth CB sacrificing his relationship with me. What that something is, I'll probably never know. It doesn't even matter...because the fact that that there IS a "something" is enough for me to realize it's time to let it go. I don't mean to boast, but damn if I don't brag...I mean, I really feel like he and I could have had it all. You'll never meet a person more loyal than me. I'm educated, raised well, take-home-to-mama type, well-mannered, well-dressed, gorgeous. Lady-in-the-streets.... lol... all that good stuff. So what is it that this girl gave him? Who knows.
The thing that hurts me the most is not the fact that I was cheated on by someone who I put the utmost trust into....I know this doesn't seem major to some people, and that chicks get cheated on erryday. Marriages end over infidelity...blah blah blah. But this is a first for me, and I've handled it the best way that I knew how. The thing that hurt me the most is the way that this situation was handled from his end. I won't go into detail about the letter I sent him, but just know that the bond I've had with this person since high school was so strong that I was willing to give up what we had, and be friends...that's how it all began anyway, right? I know people say "I want him/her to be happy even if it's not with me", but I sincerely meant that. I still mean it, after everything. So for me to open myself up to him, after ALL that I'd been put through...and receive no response? No acknowledgment that I'd poured my soul out in the form of ink from a ball-point pen? That's what hurts.
I keep asking myself how we ended up here... I don't have an answer, but every day that I sit back and think of what could have been (both good AND bad), I'm thankful. I don't have to see the face of betrayal everyday. I guess the long-distance thing was a gift and a curse. I didn't make the life changes that I had every intention of making (moving out to where he attends school, and possibly entering a graduate program there). I can't even imagine what I'd be feeling had I altered my entire life for someone who has no place for me in theirs. But again...I'm thankful. What's next for me? I'm not sure. I feel really "new" in the whole love scene. I've been with the same person virtually my entire adulthood thus far (from age 18 to 22), and so I feel like I have to go back and develop all the things that single, unattached people are supposed to develop lol... but I'm taking things a day at a time. I don't wish him any harm... I don't want to become bitter, but I do feel myself building a wall around my heart. To some, it may seem naive for me to have honestly expected forever with him...but I did. And it's rough starting all over. Involuntarily, I'd etched CB into my identity...so my first order of business is to continue on the path of success that I know has been paved for me. Hopefully he's on his own path. I don't know, for certain, that our paths will intertwine again. And for the first time in a long time, I'm feeling okay with that. ♥
PS: Here's that pic I promised y'all..... Lol.
CB, some random kid, and CB's new chick.
But every bruise on my heart, you gave me."
--Ashanti {Over}.
I know I've been M.I.A. (again)...but it's not in vain. I promise.
I've been debating how much I wanted to share on here, for various reasons. Mainly, the situation I wrote about in my last post took some time for me to adjust to, and it's rather embarrassing for a Leo like myself...I'm not used to losing, failing, etc. But I was reminded by fellow bloggers, friends, and family members that there's strength in telling one's story. Writing has always been my only true form of release. When I write, I imagine myself sitting in the mirror telling the story to myself...In it's own strange, kooky way, it gives me clarity...
So I'll start from the beginning, for those who don't know me in "real life", those who do know me but never knew the whole story, those who only know bits & pieces, etc.
When I was in high school...I met CB. I was involved with someone else at the time, so we became friends. He lived a couple states away, but we talked and wrote each other a LOT. After a few months, we became best friends. It took us both awhile to admit it (and by awhile, I mean like a year or so)...but obviously we became more than just friends. In 2006, a month into my freshman year of undergrad (he was still a senior in high school), I realized that I was in toooooo deep. But so was he. And at that moment, everything I ever saw for my future shifted. It all included him. A couple months later, we made it official.
The next year, he went off to college. I'd say we held on pretty tough for awhile. His freshman year was a lot different than mine. He's an athlete, he went Greek, etc. Of course the distance has always been a factor, but at the time we had goals that included one another, so we made it work. Better than most are capable of making things work even in close proximity...Graduation seemed to be the light at the end of our romantic tunnel..
Fast forward to 2010...
The phone calls became fewer and farther between. In my heart of hearts, I knew that something was wrong, but of course I didn't want to admit it...or even speak it into existence. But I'm a woman. And we know.... Yes, men. We always know. What we choose to DO in response to that knowledge depends on the person. And personally, I wanted so badly to believe that this was the same person I'd fallen in love with back in high school...the person who wrote me poetry and 11-page letters, and wrote my name surrounded by hearts in the corners of the pages. But in retrospect, that smitten boy had grown into a slightly older BOY. A boy whom I don't recognize, or care to know at this point.
When I wrote my last post, I was in a completely different headspace than the one I'm in right now. I'd just found out that CB had began seeing someone else. Obviously, right? Lol. But at the time, I was in such a cycle of emotion, and I couldn't fathom leaving the comfort zone that had been built during my relationship with him. I was willing to listen, to understand, to try to reconcile....and ultimately, to settle (which is a realization that I recently came to). I thought that my world as I knew it wouldn't, and couldn't survive the loss of the person I thought belonged in my fairy-tale ending. So I did what a lot of women do. I reached out. I remained calm. I asked the questions I wanted answers to. I avoided those that I didn't want to know the answers to. Never realizing that I was simply dragging out the inevitable...because when someone's got one foot out of the door, there usually isn't much chance of getting them to come back in. Anywho...none of it mattered. Because my efforts weren't even responded to. Literally. Like I said, writing is my release....so I went back to the basics. I wrote a letter. A very personal, very transparent letter. I didn't want there to be any mistaking my stance on the matter at hand...or my desired solution. The letter laid everything I felt (at the time) completely on the table...and I'm not good at the whole vulnerability thing...but again, I trusted that I was putting these emotions into the proper hands. Clearly I was mistaken. My letter was sent in mid-February. The last conversation before I sent that letter....is the last communication of any sort that I had with him. No response. No return-to-sender. Nothing. And that's how 4+ years of my love life ended.
THEN, although I'd kept my mind from even dwelling on the elephant in the room (The Other Woman), a few days ago that little voice in my head spoke again...and I decided to do a little investigating. Lol... I don't trust anyone's information but my own these days, so I needed to find out first hand. When I did...I almost died. Laughing...... no, seriously...I laughed for a good 10 minutes when I saw who this chick was. I've never met her. Right now, I'm contemplating posting the pic of her that I posted on my FB wall when I found out (yes, I posted her pic. #ruthless)...just because I feel that you, as my loyal readers & cyber-friends deserve to laugh as wholeheartedly as I did that day. Yes, I think I'll post the pic.
And, by no means do I think cheating is all about aesthetics....Obviously there's something about this girl that was worth CB sacrificing his relationship with me. What that something is, I'll probably never know. It doesn't even matter...because the fact that that there IS a "something" is enough for me to realize it's time to let it go. I don't mean to boast, but damn if I don't brag...I mean, I really feel like he and I could have had it all. You'll never meet a person more loyal than me. I'm educated, raised well, take-home-to-mama type, well-mannered, well-dressed, gorgeous. Lady-in-the-streets.... lol... all that good stuff. So what is it that this girl gave him? Who knows.
The thing that hurts me the most is not the fact that I was cheated on by someone who I put the utmost trust into....I know this doesn't seem major to some people, and that chicks get cheated on erryday. Marriages end over infidelity...blah blah blah. But this is a first for me, and I've handled it the best way that I knew how. The thing that hurt me the most is the way that this situation was handled from his end. I won't go into detail about the letter I sent him, but just know that the bond I've had with this person since high school was so strong that I was willing to give up what we had, and be friends...that's how it all began anyway, right? I know people say "I want him/her to be happy even if it's not with me", but I sincerely meant that. I still mean it, after everything. So for me to open myself up to him, after ALL that I'd been put through...and receive no response? No acknowledgment that I'd poured my soul out in the form of ink from a ball-point pen? That's what hurts.
I keep asking myself how we ended up here... I don't have an answer, but every day that I sit back and think of what could have been (both good AND bad), I'm thankful. I don't have to see the face of betrayal everyday. I guess the long-distance thing was a gift and a curse. I didn't make the life changes that I had every intention of making (moving out to where he attends school, and possibly entering a graduate program there). I can't even imagine what I'd be feeling had I altered my entire life for someone who has no place for me in theirs. But again...I'm thankful. What's next for me? I'm not sure. I feel really "new" in the whole love scene. I've been with the same person virtually my entire adulthood thus far (from age 18 to 22), and so I feel like I have to go back and develop all the things that single, unattached people are supposed to develop lol... but I'm taking things a day at a time. I don't wish him any harm... I don't want to become bitter, but I do feel myself building a wall around my heart. To some, it may seem naive for me to have honestly expected forever with him...but I did. And it's rough starting all over. Involuntarily, I'd etched CB into my identity...so my first order of business is to continue on the path of success that I know has been paved for me. Hopefully he's on his own path. I don't know, for certain, that our paths will intertwine again. And for the first time in a long time, I'm feeling okay with that. ♥
PS: Here's that pic I promised y'all..... Lol.
CB, some random kid, and CB's new chick.
Day 6--Letter to a Stranger.♥
You make me want to vomit... I understand that times are hard, and that you may not be able to afford things such as soap, body wash, feminine wash, body spray, deodorant, etc... but could you do us all a favor and keep your broke self at home? We do not wish to wallow in the scent of...whatever you call that odor reeking from your pores. It's not cute. It's not fly. It's not fresh {literally}...It's all bad. If you can enter my store at 2pm, leave at 2:15pm, and still have your B.O. lingering at 6pm, it's a problem. One would think that you'd have stopped by the many locations {ie, RiteAid, dollar stores, Walgreens, Kroger, etc} you inevitably have to pass traveling to the mall, in order to purchase the goods necessary to make yourself smell more like freshness and less like decomposition...but alas, the mall seemed to be more important. FYI, there's an aisle dedicated to you and your stench in basically every store everywhere. Hopefully you'll one day be inclined to pay said aisles a visit.
Thank You,
The Girl whose Nose and Stomach were Assaulted By Your Odor Last Week.♥
Shoutout♥
to the people who feed off drama. So much so, that if there is no real drama going on...they'll actually go so far as to make some/seek some out. Really? It'll never in life be that serious.
to the white people who walk their kids in the mall...on leashes. RETRACTABLE leashes. Pink retractable leashes... I was flabbergasted when I saw that ish...little girl goes runnin. Leash freezes. Little girl falls FLAT on her pull-up padded ass. SMH.
to the people who are STILL FBing and talking about the BET awards. Yours truly did not watch them, and has no intention of doing so. Over it!
to B.ossip...try as I do, I just can't seem to stay away....
to Summertime Funk. And no, this isn't some new genre of music...I'm referring to those {particularly femmes} who don't realize that going without showers/baths, and the appropriate subsequent toiletries {deodorant, spray, perfume, etc} isn't EVER cool...but when it's 80+ degrees each day...the sh.t is just TOTALLY unacceptable. Fix it.
to the dude who approached me at the mall as I was shopping the other day. Reeking of liquor. At 6-ish in the evening. First of all, why are you wasted this early? Second, why are you wasting said wastedness on a trip to the mall lol? The guy had the nerve to be cute, too {not that it'd matter to me} but his err... condition...eliminated ALL possible cool points. SMH.
to the homeless man who's ass I wanted to kick the other day. Because of his pitiful little face, the sapp in front of me at a stoplight decided {at the last second} that she just HAD to get out of the car and put some money into the damn cup. Almost making me miss my light.
to The-Dream...for sounding eXACTLY the same in every single song, remix, feature, etc.
to Adam Rodriguez...just because I was watching CSI:Miami earlier, and thought his gorgeousness was worth mentioning.
x0x0 ♥
Skintimate...♥
Working at the mall, I see a LOT of foolishness...but this past week a woman came into my store, and I swear to you she was sporting a full face of hair. The sideburns connected to the beard. The beard connected to the goatee. All that. Not faint little hairs, either...I'm talking full grown hair. I was in disbelief...I had to call on Jesus and all the disciples to keep my mouth from dropping as I greeted the woman when she entered my store. BTW, she also had on a too little shirt from Wally world, complete with the belly hanging out over the pants...but that was the least of her worries, as far as I'm concerned. What shocked me even more than all this....
A few seconds later her husband came in and put his arms around her and started talking to her. Her husband! He didn't look to hot himself...but geez. Both beards combined just seems like a whole lotta itchy fuzziness in one bed...I can't even imagine.
So this made me think...How many guys really care about hair? Facial hair...body hair...I just can't imagine being...okay with this. I can see not feeling like shaving your pits one morning...or even your legs, during the winter or something...but I've never seen a woman with facial hair so visible... She apparently isn't too worried about it, though, and neither is her man. It was all just pretty weird to me lol...
x0x0♥
The Death Sandwich ♥
Sonji Sheree loves chicken just as much as the next person, but KFC is doing wayyy too much lol that big ol' death sandwich...
Friend K: LoL @ death sandwich!!!
Me: Lol girl for real, I'm lookin at this commercial like wtf, we using chicken breasts as bread now?? Lmfao
Seriously...what were they (KFC) thinking??? I'm sorry, but this is just the hottest mess I've seen in a long time...And then they have the nerve to include a promo for donating money to breast cancer research for every bucket of chicken people buy, or something like that. For real? Soooo we're all for curing breast cancer, yet we're selling hypertension, heart disease, and high cholesterol by the bucket? SMdH!
x0x0♥
Toot, Toot Snitches...♥
So the other day, I was told that I have "narcissistic tendencies"...to that person, I replied, "So? I don't care!" lol.
A person with narcissistic personality disorder:
A person with narcissistic personality disorder:
Rude Awakening♥
Soooo a man called me at the crack of dawn earlier, waking me up from what felt like thee best sleep I'd ever partaken in in my entire life. I was LiVid!!! To make matters worse... it was a wrong number!! YEs! Calling me asking for some chick named Angel. WTF?
So I politely tell him he has the wrong number, and he commences to hit on me! Talking about "Well what's your name? You sound gorgeous. I could get used to waking up to that voice..." I'm like is dude serious?? Do we still do that? Hit on random people who we've never met in life, over the phone? A hot mess. I never could get back to sleep, either. My whole day was spent in half-sleep drowsiness, all because of some jive turkey trying to play Telephone Lover. Ugh! I just hung up in his face. Ol' weirdo...
x0x0♥
So I politely tell him he has the wrong number, and he commences to hit on me! Talking about "Well what's your name? You sound gorgeous. I could get used to waking up to that voice..." I'm like is dude serious?? Do we still do that? Hit on random people who we've never met in life, over the phone? A hot mess. I never could get back to sleep, either. My whole day was spent in half-sleep drowsiness, all because of some jive turkey trying to play Telephone Lover. Ugh! I just hung up in his face. Ol' weirdo...
x0x0♥
Why Are You Still Here?♥
I'm having a great week. I almost feel like something's going to go wrong soon, because things have been going so well lol. I'm currently thinking about all the things I hate about work, however. I seriously need to find the time to seek alternative employment.
One of the managers at my store (part time) got fired last week. Is it bad that that was the best day ever, to me?? I was happy. She sucks at life, death, and everything in between. She's just whack.
So imagine my immense pisstivity when we received a phone call from our district manager earlier this week, saying that this chick was to be 'suspended', not terminated. Ugh!! Ruined my day! Who did you have to suck off cry and whine to in order to keep this job?? She's lazy, she's obnoxious, she doesn't dress cute (I mean, we work in the fashion industry, for God's sake!), she's irresponsible (she forgot to put the deposit into the safe when she was closing one night), and on top of all this, she's actually come to work hungover before. Seriously? Overlooking the fact that you're clearly a lush, you waddle in looking like yesterday's hot mess and smelling like last nights bar? Triflin'..
x0x0♥
One of the managers at my store (part time) got fired last week. Is it bad that that was the best day ever, to me?? I was happy. She sucks at life, death, and everything in between. She's just whack.
So imagine my immense pisstivity when we received a phone call from our district manager earlier this week, saying that this chick was to be 'suspended', not terminated. Ugh!! Ruined my day! Who did you have to suck off cry and whine to in order to keep this job?? She's lazy, she's obnoxious, she doesn't dress cute (I mean, we work in the fashion industry, for God's sake!), she's irresponsible (she forgot to put the deposit into the safe when she was closing one night), and on top of all this, she's actually come to work hungover before. Seriously? Overlooking the fact that you're clearly a lush, you waddle in looking like yesterday's hot mess and smelling like last nights bar? Triflin'..
x0x0♥
Monster Trucks!♥
x0x0♥
Backhanded Compliments♥
Today, I was approached by a man who, after asking my name, attempting to obtain my phone number, and dismissing my revelation that I'm in a relationship, proceeded to tell me that I looked like a "Big ass Barbie"....
{insert b*tch slap}
No, but really...what? First of all, I don't do that whole backhanded compliment thing. Either you think I'm a fat ass (insult) or you think I'm gorgeous (compliment) or that I was dressed cute (again, compliment)... Either way, he looked like a broke ass wannabe Ken. So....that's what I addressed him as. Since I'm Big-ass Barbie, he was Broke-ass Ken... needless to say, the conversation pretty much faded from there. Lol.
I can't stand someone who either doesn't know or doesn't care enough to think about their words before opening the bottom hole in their face and letting BS flow out of it. Other statements that piss me off:
"Damn, you're fine as hell for a big girl!"
"Oooh, she's cute for a dark-skinned girl."
My personal favorite: When a guy approaches you and says all the nice things in the world...until you reject his advances. Then you're all types of fat, ugly, stuck-up b*tches and h*es! How fat, ugly, and stuck-up was I when you were asking for my digits? Creep.
Why can't someone just be attractive? Obviously if a female is aesthetically pleasing enough for you to approach her, then the insults are unnecessary! Not to mention tacky and ignorant!
x0x0♥
{insert b*tch slap}
No, but really...what? First of all, I don't do that whole backhanded compliment thing. Either you think I'm a fat ass (insult) or you think I'm gorgeous (compliment) or that I was dressed cute (again, compliment)... Either way, he looked like a broke ass wannabe Ken. So....that's what I addressed him as. Since I'm Big-ass Barbie, he was Broke-ass Ken... needless to say, the conversation pretty much faded from there. Lol.
I can't stand someone who either doesn't know or doesn't care enough to think about their words before opening the bottom hole in their face and letting BS flow out of it. Other statements that piss me off:
"Damn, you're fine as hell for a big girl!"
"Oooh, she's cute for a dark-skinned girl."
My personal favorite: When a guy approaches you and says all the nice things in the world...until you reject his advances. Then you're all types of fat, ugly, stuck-up b*tches and h*es! How fat, ugly, and stuck-up was I when you were asking for my digits? Creep.
Why can't someone just be attractive? Obviously if a female is aesthetically pleasing enough for you to approach her, then the insults are unnecessary! Not to mention tacky and ignorant!
x0x0♥
♥Dear Mall Rat...
I can't take it...
No matter how short, long, straight, curly, multicolored (wtf?!?!), or cute you think your quickweave is... It's not.
As you walk past us, in your Coogi (from head-to-toe) and your K-Swiss, with your overly-huge, tarnished hair-store earrings, the only thing we're all thinking is "Who the heck procreated, and why'd they nix the condom".... You look like you stuck your head into a furnace and then various colors melt over the final product. Please stop...Thanks in advance on behalf of society.Pretty Pacino...
PS: Where did this quickweave phenomenon come from??? (I know it's not new, but gosh I was really hoping it would have went away a lot sooner)... They're not cute. At All. EVER!! Why is your mom wearing one??? She's 60! Her hair should NOT be pink and purple with a blue bang! I know she thinks it looks da bomb with her striped velour sweatsuit, but it's just wrong... on more levels than I even have time or energy to discuss.
Ugh, I'm done.
x0x0♥
My People, My People...♥
Life has been pretty Blah for the last few days... despite the inevitable randomness that a college student & sales associate encounters lol...
HOWEVER... my moment of amusement for the day:
I'm at work, and 3 Black girls come into the store. It's around 11 am...closer to noon maybe, so not too many people have gotten on my damn nerves come into the store thus far. Read: I'm still in a genuinely cheery mood. So these females enter, and I speak to all of them. One stares at me for a second then rolls her eyes, while the others walk around a fixture, to the opposite side of the store. Whatever. I go up to them and ask if I can help them find anything... get ignored again. *enter: wooosah...* So then all three magically find their way to our counter, behind which my manager was standing, doing some paperwork. The counter is also where we keep the stands that hold our rings. So now all three females are standing next to each other in front of the counter, and in front of the rings. Since we'd received shipment this morning, all the slots in the jewelry stand were filled. Clearly we all know what time it is... so I go over to ask the females AGAIN if I can help them, and all of a sudden two of them leave.
So now there's one thievin' ass h*e female left, still looking at the rings in the jewelry holder, and by now a FedEx delivery woman (older white lady) has entered the store, and she left her little push cart thingy in our store's doorway...she's behind the counter talking to my manager, as manager signs for something. All of a sudden, I hear the "customer" speak, and here's the conversation:
"Customer": 'What, you think somebody gon' take somethin from yo store or somethin??"
Manager: ...silence...
FedEx: *looks up*
"Customer": "Yeah, I'm talkin' to you, you watchin' yo stuff like somebody tryna take it!"
FedEx: "Yes, I'm watching my cart..."
"Customer": "Yeah I seen you watchin' my sisters when they left the store like they was gonna take your lil sh*t"
FedEx: "Well, it's kinda my job to keep up with my cart..."
"Customer": "Yeah, you betta be watchin yo stuff...{inaudible ish talking as "customer" exits the store}"
Clearly, this holiday season is off to a kick-ass start already...
PS: After "customer" leaves the store, I go over to the ring stand, just for kicks. Three of the rings are missing, out of a stand that was completely filled. Then people like this wonder why they get treated the way they do in stores. I've learned to not even let them get under my skin, because there is so much more to be irritated about than some skeezers who have to go to the mall to steal a 10-dollar rhinestone ring.
x0x0♥
Self-Hatred...SMH.♥
So I was watching Judge Alex the other day (I think?) and there was a woman who, in my opinion, is CLEARLY Black suing a friend of hers for an unpaid loan. The purpose of the loan? Hydrogel booty injections, which I’ve mentioned in a prior post. The issue this time, however, isn’t those trifling injections, it’s the Black woman’s obvious self hatred! I embedded the videos of the episode, so you can judge for yourself, but I’ll make a long story short with these highlights:
1) She doesn’t hate Black people, she hates Black WOMEN (because we’re evil and hateful)
2) She isn’t a racist, though
3) Her last name was Williams, but she changed it to O’Nassis because Williams sounded “too Black”
4) When asked what race she identified with, she refused to say she was Black, mixed, or anything. She replied “I’m human”.
According to the comments on these YouTube vids, she’s also appeared on the Judge Mathis show before. There’s so much wrong with these women, I don’t even have time to discuss it all right now, since I’m on my way out to work. Just wanted to share…
x0x0♥
1) She doesn’t hate Black people, she hates Black WOMEN (because we’re evil and hateful)
2) She isn’t a racist, though
3) Her last name was Williams, but she changed it to O’Nassis because Williams sounded “too Black”
4) When asked what race she identified with, she refused to say she was Black, mixed, or anything. She replied “I’m human”.
According to the comments on these YouTube vids, she’s also appeared on the Judge Mathis show before. There’s so much wrong with these women, I don’t even have time to discuss it all right now, since I’m on my way out to work. Just wanted to share…
x0x0♥
Foundation.♥
“It’s gon’ always be haters, that’s the way it is; Hater ninjas marry hater b*tches and have hater kids…”
Kanye said it best.
I was in class the other night, conversing with two female classmates about relationships, men, etc. (I don’t even remember how we got on the subject). So anyway, after a comment was made about the birth control shot, I replied that I don’t get laid enough to go throughmy extreme fear of needles the trouble of getting on “the shot” lol. I mean, honestly! So the girl who initially brought up the comment was like “What you mean you don’t get laid enough?” and my response (which has become like an automated response whenever relationships are being discussed) was that my boyfriend goes to school in Iowa, so we don’t see each other too often for the time being.
This is where the animosity began to brew: her response was, “Oh, psshhhh, girl please. You might not be getting any, but he’s getting some from somewhere. Iowa?? Yeah, girl, he’s getting some.”
Now first of all, I’ve heard similar responses many times before. From family. From my friends. From my boyfriend’s friends….we’ve been hearing it ever since we were crazy enough to embark on this long-distance journey, so this classmate’s response was nothing new to my ears. However, then said classmate begins to probe and nitpick the BS reasons she KNOWS my boyfriend is getting some. (Without even knowing anything about him, by the way. All I’ve said at this point is that he attends school in Iowa.) I don’t need to detail her bullet points, because of course she gave the typical response of a person who 1) doesn’t trust men since sheain’t got one and can’t keep one has been scorned, and 2) thinks that anyone who does trust men is pretty much stupid and naïve.
As I said, I’ve dealt with this situation enough to learn that arguing with people like this won’t help matters, and neither will trying to justify my relationship. So I didn’t. I just brushed her comments off and went along with the rest of the conversation.
My only consolation is that many of the people who have said things like this to my boyfriend and I are the same people who have been in and out of numerous unsuccessful, unhealthy relationships (complete with babies, abortions, STDs, babymamadrama, cheating, theft, Jazmine Sullivan-isms, etc) while my man and I have stayed healthy, communicative, faithful, and strong. For the last three years. Straight. No breaks in between. No "we need some time apart to find ourselves" moments. None of that. We aren't perfect, and it gets hard, but we're not candidates for the Maury or Jerry Springer shows, either. Thank God.
Basically, I’ve adapted an “I can show you better than I can tell you” attitude. People are always going to try to generalize and analyze what others are doing. A person who was not completely trustful of her significant other or secure in their relationship would let these things get to them. So today, I am thankful for foundation. The kind that is built before any inklings of romance become apparent. The kind that develops a trust that lasts hundreds of miles apart, when some couples can't trust one another from 2 feet away. Without foundation, I’d be letting the cycle continue. I’d be one of those girls who lets other peoples’ input in her relationship dictate thoughts and suspicions towards her significant other, which would more than likely cause me to treat my SO like he’s done something even when there’s no proof of anything, just the judgment and analysis of other people who, quite frankly, don’t know what the f*ck they’re talking about since they are incompetent at handling a relationship of their own, much less that of someone else.
x0x0♥
Kanye said it best.
I was in class the other night, conversing with two female classmates about relationships, men, etc. (I don’t even remember how we got on the subject). So anyway, after a comment was made about the birth control shot, I replied that I don’t get laid enough to go through
This is where the animosity began to brew: her response was, “Oh, psshhhh, girl please. You might not be getting any, but he’s getting some from somewhere. Iowa?? Yeah, girl, he’s getting some.”
Now first of all, I’ve heard similar responses many times before. From family. From my friends. From my boyfriend’s friends….we’ve been hearing it ever since we were crazy enough to embark on this long-distance journey, so this classmate’s response was nothing new to my ears. However, then said classmate begins to probe and nitpick the BS reasons she KNOWS my boyfriend is getting some. (Without even knowing anything about him, by the way. All I’ve said at this point is that he attends school in Iowa.) I don’t need to detail her bullet points, because of course she gave the typical response of a person who 1) doesn’t trust men since she
As I said, I’ve dealt with this situation enough to learn that arguing with people like this won’t help matters, and neither will trying to justify my relationship. So I didn’t. I just brushed her comments off and went along with the rest of the conversation.
My only consolation is that many of the people who have said things like this to my boyfriend and I are the same people who have been in and out of numerous unsuccessful, unhealthy relationships (complete with babies, abortions, STDs, babymamadrama, cheating, theft, Jazmine Sullivan-isms, etc) while my man and I have stayed healthy, communicative, faithful, and strong. For the last three years. Straight. No breaks in between. No "we need some time apart to find ourselves" moments. None of that. We aren't perfect, and it gets hard, but we're not candidates for the Maury or Jerry Springer shows, either. Thank God.
Basically, I’ve adapted an “I can show you better than I can tell you” attitude. People are always going to try to generalize and analyze what others are doing. A person who was not completely trustful of her significant other or secure in their relationship would let these things get to them. So today, I am thankful for foundation. The kind that is built before any inklings of romance become apparent. The kind that develops a trust that lasts hundreds of miles apart, when some couples can't trust one another from 2 feet away. Without foundation, I’d be letting the cycle continue. I’d be one of those girls who lets other peoples’ input in her relationship dictate thoughts and suspicions towards her significant other, which would more than likely cause me to treat my SO like he’s done something even when there’s no proof of anything, just the judgment and analysis of other people who, quite frankly, don’t know what the f*ck they’re talking about since they are incompetent at handling a relationship of their own, much less that of someone else.
x0x0♥
Freshmen.♥
I can't stand ign'ant ass people.
I'm sorry, but Thursday is my long day, I'm in class from about 9 AM til 9 PM. That's a whole lot of time to see a whole lot of ish that makes me wanna smack a whole lotta crap out of a whole bunch of people.
Anyway, I'm in one of my classes, and it's a lecture hall, so I sit way in the back, where there's a seat by itself. I'm slightly antisocial when it comes to classrooms full of nasty, germy, nose-picking, ear-digging, swine flu infested people. So getting to class extra early to maintain my coveted seat is well worth it.
I digress.
So while I'm chillin' in my corner, taking notes on my beloved John Coltrane♥♥♥♥♥, some hoodrat sitting in the FIRST ROW has the rude ass audacity to answer her cell phone in the MIDDLE of my teacher's lecture! Not in a whisper, or any other slick, playing-it-off type of manner. Just answers her phone. As if this TA isn't in the middle of a sentence. What?
Where do thesebitches people come from?? Who raised you?
Then, as if that wasn't ign'ant enough, she gets an attitude when the teacher calls her out!
("Umm could you not answer your phone in the middle of class?")
I think the request is rather reasonable...don't you?
I mean, I could see if the circumstances were emergency-related, but the chick hung the phone up, so obviously the phone call wasn't too important.
Ugh. I can't deal with people. I was SMH so hard. Eye rolling. All lat.
Welp, that's my rant for the day.
x0x0♥
I'm sorry, but Thursday is my long day, I'm in class from about 9 AM til 9 PM. That's a whole lot of time to see a whole lot of ish that makes me wanna smack a whole lotta crap out of a whole bunch of people.
Anyway, I'm in one of my classes, and it's a lecture hall, so I sit way in the back, where there's a seat by itself. I'm slightly antisocial when it comes to classrooms full of nasty, germy, nose-picking, ear-digging, swine flu infested people. So getting to class extra early to maintain my coveted seat is well worth it.
I digress.
So while I'm chillin' in my corner, taking notes on my beloved John Coltrane♥♥♥♥♥, some hoodrat sitting in the FIRST ROW has the rude ass audacity to answer her cell phone in the MIDDLE of my teacher's lecture! Not in a whisper, or any other slick, playing-it-off type of manner. Just answers her phone. As if this TA isn't in the middle of a sentence. What?
Where do these
Then, as if that wasn't ign'ant enough, she gets an attitude when the teacher calls her out!
("Umm could you not answer your phone in the middle of class?")
I think the request is rather reasonable...don't you?
I mean, I could see if the circumstances were emergency-related, but the chick hung the phone up, so obviously the phone call wasn't too important.
Ugh. I can't deal with people. I was SMH so hard. Eye rolling. All lat.
Welp, that's my rant for the day.
x0x0♥
It's Barbie, B*tch!♥
So I’m listening to music today, and Keyshia Cole’s “I Should Have Cheated” came up in my iTunes shuffle… Every time I hear that song, I think of it’s video, and the first time I saw Keyshia’s hair (at the time). You remember, the red and blond weave? I’m sure you remember.
Know what I remember? I remember all the hoodrats girl fans going out trying to emulate that same hairstyle. As much as the term “epic fail” irritates me, it must be said. EPIC FAIL! There may be mixed opinions about it, but at the time, I loved the hair on Keyshia. On lil’ Peaches & nem from around the way? Using the dollar pack of hair from the Chinese store? Not so much….
Remember Alicia Keys’ “Fallin” video? Where she’s at the piano and her hair’s all braided and fancy-like, and above each ear there’s the braids that come forward, instead of back like the rest of her braids? Yeah…she worked it. Other attempters? Not so much. Fast forward to today. Now every girl (and some boys) with some multi-colored clothes, funny-lookin’ glasses, and big weave thinks she/he’s a Barbie doll, just because this Nicki Minaj character started the wanna-be craze. iCan’t.
x0x0♥
Things that Make Me Itch♥
1. Plies
This includes his physical appearance, his voice, and his catch phrases (i.e., "it's Pliiiiiiiiiiies Baaaaaaaaaaaby")
2. Nicki Minaj's voice
3. The old pedophile from Family Guy
4. Things with more than four legs
5. Lil' Wayne's face
6. Dancing Midgets (or Little People, if you're into all that PC stuff)
7. Shaq's lazy eye
8. Orange hair
9. Dirty sneakers
10. Jeans that are ratty and stringy at the bottom, and drag on the floor
11. Dreds on white people...I'm sorry. I just can't...
12. Velour jogging suits (not wearing them, looking at other people wearing them)
13. Old people with hair growing out of their ears
14. Feet (I don't care how smooth, pretty, or attractive you THINK they are. They're still feet. Ugh)
15. People with loose dentures
16. People with ill-fitting dentures
17. Coogi
18. Liquid leggings
19. Olives
20. Girls who wear K-swiss to the club (yes, they do that. Here. )
21. Gucci Mane and anything remotely associated with him
22. Lips that are 7 shades darker than the face they inhabit
23. White eyeliner
24. Khia. No explanation needed.
25. Pants or shorts with writing across the butt
26. People who take pics and post them on the web with their background looking a mess (i.e., no sheets on the mattress, unflushed toilet, overflowing trash bins, etc. Nasty.)
TBC....
x0x0♥
This includes his physical appearance, his voice, and his catch phrases (i.e., "it's Pliiiiiiiiiiies Baaaaaaaaaaaby")
2. Nicki Minaj's voice
3. The old pedophile from Family Guy
4. Things with more than four legs
5. Lil' Wayne's face
6. Dancing Midgets (or Little People, if you're into all that PC stuff)
7. Shaq's lazy eye
8. Orange hair
9. Dirty sneakers
10. Jeans that are ratty and stringy at the bottom, and drag on the floor
11. Dreds on white people...I'm sorry. I just can't...
12. Velour jogging suits (not wearing them, looking at other people wearing them)
13. Old people with hair growing out of their ears
14. Feet (I don't care how smooth, pretty, or attractive you THINK they are. They're still feet. Ugh)
15. People with loose dentures
16. People with ill-fitting dentures
17. Coogi
18. Liquid leggings
19. Olives
20. Girls who wear K-swiss to the club (yes, they do that. Here. )
21. Gucci Mane and anything remotely associated with him
22. Lips that are 7 shades darker than the face they inhabit
23. White eyeliner
24. Khia. No explanation needed.
25. Pants or shorts with writing across the butt
26. People who take pics and post them on the web with their background looking a mess (i.e., no sheets on the mattress, unflushed toilet, overflowing trash bins, etc. Nasty.)
TBC....
x0x0♥
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