The Death Sandwich ♥

Excerpt from a random conversation on a FB status I posted a couple weeks ago, about what I've come to affectionately refer to as The Death Sandwich....


Sonji Sheree loves chicken just as much as the next person, but KFC is doing wayyy too much lol that big ol' death sandwich...

Friend K: LoL @ death sandwich!!!

Me: Lol girl for real, I'm lookin at this commercial like wtf, we using chicken breasts as bread now?? Lmfao

Seriously...what were they (KFC) thinking??? I'm sorry, but this is just the hottest mess I've seen in a long time...And then they have the nerve to include a promo for donating money to breast cancer research for every bucket of chicken people buy, or something like that. For real? Soooo we're all for curing breast cancer, yet we're selling hypertension, heart disease, and high cholesterol by the bucket? SMdH!
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Oh, No He Didn't!! ♥

So on Saturday nights, I go to this open mic thing called The Listening, and it's held in a lounge which is right next door to a tavern/bar/White people mecca. So as I'm leaving tonight, I walk past 3 White guys standing out front smoking, and I give a little polite smile since they were looking. All of a sudden I hear the one closest to me say, "She's a big girl"..
*Pause. Let me just state that, for the record, this statement did not piss me off. I'm a size 18, and I love me, and my man loves me, and plenty of other people (some who I don't even want to love me lol) and I'm one of those girls who honestly believes she's gorgeous, and no one can tell me anything to the contrary! Lol!*
Then another one responds, "Yeah, aren't they all?"....
Freeze. 
No, literally, I stopped in my tracks.
I turned around and, my Mama would come back to life and kill me if she knew I'd popped fly on a sidewalk full of half drunk White men on a Saturday night while walking alone but...I had to say something. I had to...
So I turn around and said, "Excuse you?" and they just looked at me with these stupid grins on their faces. So the one who called me a big girl takes a drag of nicotine and says, "Is there a problem?"... really?
So I told him, "Yeah, the problem is racist ass White people like you who need to learn how to keep your stereotypes to yourself, especially when I work in a store that sells clothes to more White women than a little bit, the majority of which are teetering on obesity while you're sitting here talking about Black women are all big!" and the guys were just looking at me all stupid. Then the guy threw his cigarette down and I just knew he was gonna try something but then he apologized. Yeah, he said "I'm sorry, ma'am, we were just f*cking around, we didn't mean anything by it"...and I was getting ready to walk away when the same racist a-hole who made the "Aren't they all?" comment decided to throw in another two cents. He asked me, "What the hell clothing store do you work in??" then he laughed. My response? "Go home and ask your fat ass mama, I'm sure she's one of our frequent shoppers."
Don't play me. I'm not the one. 
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UnGRATEful B*tches...♥

The stupidity that seeps from peoples' mouths never ceases to amaze me.

OK, so I have this cousin who attends my school. She's a sophomore, though. Young and dumb. And lazy. Spoiled. All that good stuff...

So anyway, we didn't really fall out, I kinda just cut her off a month or two ago, because she's one of those people who only calls/texts/facebooks you when they need something. I don't play that. I have no children, and it's enough work taking care of myself. Why the hell would I waste my life taking care of you too? I mean, it started off small. Asking for a ride here and there, which irritates me enough as it is. But this chick had the audacity to ask me if she could borrow one of my TVs. Seriously?? My first thought: What the hell kinda crackhead azz question is that?? People ask to borrow ink pens, or flat irons (and that's pushing it)....but a TV?? So I politely told her no. I don't have a TV you can borrow. We haven't really talked since then, which quite frankly is fine with me. 

Fast forward:

I stop to see my Daddy before I left my hometown last weekend. He tells me that over Thanksgiving dinner, he was asking how everyone was doing in school and whatnot, and he asked my cousin if she'd found a job yet. Her response was that she hadn't found a job because I wasn't helping her, and she couldn't work at the mall because if she did, I wouldn't take her and pick her up from work. 

Now...at this point, I'm laughing. And it wasn't a "Wow, that's hilarious" laugh...it was more like one of those laughs some of us get before we commence to hurting somebody's feelings, and calling them everything but a child of God. I was LiVid!

1) Why are you talking ish about me to our family, making me look like this evil ass meanie?

I know, my family knows me enough to see through her BS, but still...it's the principle.

2) You're a damn lie!

Hell, I've done everything but fill out the freakin' applications and go on interviews for your ass! WTF?? Prime example:: I was chatting with a girl in my class who works at the student rec center, and she mentioned that they were looking to hire freshmen and sophomores who'd be able to work for a couple years, instead of having to hire and train new people each semester. Perfect for her! It's on campus (she has no car) and it's easy (all they have to do is like swipe people's ID when they enter the rec)...what more could you ask for?? 

Told her about the job opening, even told her that she could apply online! Spoke to her a few weeks later and guess what? She'd never even pursued it. 

Then you sit and tell people I'M not helping you? B*tch please. SMH. Don't even get me started on the "she won't take me and pick me up" comment. Once again, SMH...

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Backhanded Compliments♥

Today, I was approached by a man who, after asking my name, attempting to obtain my phone number, and dismissing my revelation that I'm in a relationship, proceeded to tell me that I looked like a "Big ass Barbie"....
{insert b*tch slap}
No, but really...what? First of all, I don't do that whole backhanded compliment thing. Either you think I'm a fat ass (insult) or you think I'm gorgeous (compliment) or that I was dressed cute (again, compliment)... Either way, he looked like a broke ass wannabe Ken. So....that's what I addressed him as. Since I'm Big-ass Barbie, he was Broke-ass Ken... needless to say, the conversation pretty much faded from there. Lol.
I can't stand someone who either doesn't know or doesn't care enough to think about their words before opening the bottom hole in their face and letting BS flow out of it. Other statements that piss me off:
"Damn, you're fine as hell for a big girl!"
"Oooh, she's cute for a dark-skinned girl."
My personal favorite: When a guy approaches you and says all the nice things in the world...until you reject his advances. Then you're all types of fat, ugly, stuck-up b*tches and h*es! How fat, ugly, and stuck-up was I when you were asking for my digits? Creep.
Why can't someone just be attractive? Obviously if a female is aesthetically pleasing enough for you to approach her, then the insults are unnecessary! Not to mention tacky and ignorant! 
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Self-Hatred...SMH.♥

So I was watching Judge Alex the other day (I think?) and there was a woman who, in my opinion, is CLEARLY Black suing a friend of hers for an unpaid loan. The purpose of the loan? Hydrogel booty injections, which I’ve mentioned in a prior post. The issue this time, however, isn’t those trifling injections, it’s the Black woman’s obvious self hatred! I embedded the videos of the episode, so you can judge for yourself, but I’ll make a long story short with these highlights:

1) She doesn’t hate Black people, she hates Black WOMEN (because we’re evil and hateful)
2) She isn’t a racist, though
3) Her last name was Williams, but she changed it to O’Nassis because Williams sounded “too Black”
4) When asked what race she identified with, she refused to say she was Black, mixed, or anything. She replied “I’m human”.

According to the comments on these YouTube vids, she’s also appeared on the Judge Mathis show before. There’s so much wrong with these women, I don’t even have time to discuss it all right now, since I’m on my way out to work. Just wanted to share…


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Tipsy.♥

Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just saw a promo commercial for Pretty Ricky's new album, and all I could think about was that horrible video. 
UGGHHH!!
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Dude Said WHaT?♥

You know what grinds my gears?
When a girl makes status updates on Facebook about how this n*gga said such-and-such to me, and was trying to get with me, and blah blah blah, talking about how disrespectful dudes are when they approach her. Then 2 days later, the same female is updating her status talking about how old dude is taking her to the movies later that night.
What?
First of all, if a man {term used loosely} approaches you and the first thing he comments on is your ass or other womanly parts, he’s probably not going to display too many manners in future interactions. Plus, that's probably his way of letting you know that's all he's interested in. I mean, he’s probably THINKING “Man, she got a phat ass…” but voicing it as a pick-up line shouldn’t be the desired approach. HowEVER, if that is the approach you want from a guy, stop frontin’ and making statuses about it as if you’re so offended! You knew when the words left his trifling mouth whether or not you were gonna let him hit that give him your number. So what you acting mad for? Clearly if he was out-of-pocket when he approached you, but now you’re going out with him, he didn’t offend you too much.
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It's Barbie, B*tch!♥

So I’m listening to music today, and Keyshia Cole’s “I Should Have Cheated” came up in my iTunes shuffle… Every time I hear that song, I think of it’s video, and the first time I saw Keyshia’s hair (at the time). You remember, the red and blond weave? I’m sure you remember.

Know what I remember? I remember all the hoodrats girl fans going out trying to emulate that same hairstyle. As much as the term “epic fail” irritates me, it must be said. EPIC FAIL! There may be mixed opinions about it, but at the time, I loved the hair on Keyshia. On lil’ Peaches & nem from around the way? Using the dollar pack of hair from the Chinese store? Not so much….

Remember Alicia Keys’ “Fallin” video? Where she’s at the piano and her hair’s all braided and fancy-like, and above each ear there’s the braids that come forward, instead of back like the rest of her braids? Yeah…she worked it. Other attempters? Not so much.

Fast forward to today. Now every girl (and some boys) with some multi-colored clothes, funny-lookin’ glasses, and big weave thinks she/he’s a Barbie doll, just because this Nicki Minaj character started the wanna-be craze. iCan’t.

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Pissed.♥

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's being disrespected.
It's even worse when the person disrespecting you minimizes the situation and tries to make you feel like you're overreacting. This is honestly enough to piss me off more than whatever I was pissed off at in the first place!! My day started of amazingly, and in one call it was completely ruined because I'm a Leo, I'm stubborn, and I don't let things go easily. I don't care how small, how petty, how minute it may seem to you. If I'm upset, I'm staying upset until I'm good -n- ready to let it go. If you're ill-prepared to face this wrath, you BEST check yourself and think about your actions before you make them again. Hhmph.
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Know What Love Is...♥

So I’m shooting my regular at 4pm (watching Tyra) and there’s a woman on there who almost died…yes, DIED…getting hydrogel injections in her butt… What????? Un uh.
I can’t take it.
The worst part of it all is that she even states that 1) She didn’t see anything wrong with herself prior to 2) her THEN boyfriend telling her she should get the injections, and 3) the guy left her after the incident, because he couldn’t hit that anymore. Again, I say…WHAT???
Thank God this woman’s life was spared, but my goodness…I can’t imagine going to those types of lengths for a man. If he’s with you, doesn’t that mean he accepts you and your ass (no matter how big or small, flat or round) as you are?? This woman had children at home, for chrissakes! What if she would have died??? Smh…ladies, learn to love you. You can’t live your life and make life-and-death decisions based on what someone else wants for you (which, really they just want for themselves). I don’t care how fat, skinny, dark, light, dimpled, saggy, or whatever you might be…someone out there will love you. As long as you love yourself enough to recognize what love is…
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Feed Your D*mn Dog!!♥

So I’m talking to a co-worker of mine, and we got on the subject of hot-mess occurrences that have taken place at our workplace. Working retail, I’ve seen some crazy things but when did it become acceptable to go to the mall and buy shoes, while your dog is at home with no food??? I’d insert ‘lmao’ here, but I’m over the initial comedy of it all. Where are your priorities?? You come into a store to return a pair of ugly ass purple suede pumps that you‘d just bought the week before, because your DOG has no FOOD??? I don’t understand. You knew those Kibbles ’n’ Bits were running low when you rolled up to the mall and bought those 40-dollar shoes! Smh…
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Cha Ching, Mommy! ♥

What is going on with these spoiled ass kids today??? When did toddlers become high maintenance??? Lol!
I’m watching Divorce Court yesterday, and the couple consisted of a woman who CLEARLY had gold-digger tendencies, and a guy who apparently bought her love in the first place. The guy, nevertheless, seemed to be a good man and a great father to their 4-year old daughter and even younger son.
The wife was just a hot-ass mess altogether, and just when I thought I was too done with her, she opened her mouth and revealed that 1) her 4-year old daughter had a cell phone {insert side eye} and 2) aforementioned daughter wanted a credit card. Something is really wrong when your child even knows what a credit card is before they’ve even hit kindergarten. I’m still afraid of credit cards and I’m a senior in college! Oh, but don’t worry… Mommy promised toddler that she couldn’t have the credit card until she turned FIVE! Smh…
What are people teaching their daughters these days? I won’t even get on the sons, that’s a whole ’nother blog. But as women, why don’t people realize that everything you do, your daughters will absorb and store in their memories. Whether they want to or not. All the things you think kids don’t pay attention to, or won’t remember…think about the things you remember from your own childhood. You were pretty young, weren’t you? So why is it hard to believe that you’re presenting your daughters with the first script they’ll ever read as to how to conduct themselves as ladies? We have got to do better…
I have a cousin who is 5 years younger than me, and was the sweetest thing you could have ever met. Until her father re-entered the picture and began to spoil her rotten. She’s still got a hint of the sweetness, but now she’s 16, has had her own car for over a year (minus the license), will not wear anything that isn’t designer, and is currently driving her father’s Range Rover. In the last couple years, she’s become one of “those” girls. You went to high school…you know what I mean. What’s wrong with this pic?
What values are your daughters learning when credit cards and shopping sprees replace quality time and family activities? My only hope for my cousin is that she doesn’t grow up as the type of woman who believes she’s not supposed to work for anything, and who will only be with a man for the material things he can provide, forgetting about the love and affection that should come with any relationship.
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The Bitch Switch...

Have you ever let someone get you SOOOOO out of your 'element' that it upset you even more than the thing the did to get you out of your element in the first place??? Lmao...it's so crazy, because personally I strive to be this put-together, "can't tell me nothin'", taking-care-of-business, WOMAN...but there's people out there who can't deal with that! In these 21 years of mine, I've discovered that when it comes to people, what you see is NOTHING like what you get...and that can be a fabulous thing or a dreadful thing, depending on the circumstances, the person, the damn weather... hell. Anything lol. All I know is, real isn't always real. Truth is hardly EVER truth, and most friendships fade to black. Maybe, though, that's not such a bad thing. Some people just aren't necessary to your life! Really! I heard this saying, that some people are only meant to be in your life for a season....or something like that. Lol. It's true shit, though, because although that person may have been fitting for that particular season, the next season they may be completely out of style! So just like we clean our closets out to shop for the new season, maybe friendships need to be cleaned out and swept away also. Personally, I hate clutter. I'm nobody's neat freak, but everything has a place in my palace, and I try to keep everything in it's place. Now, this may not be so apparent if one were to glance at my palace after I've spent two hours deciding what to wear for the day, but that's a whole 'nother blog!

The point is, as angry as this person (and past people) have made me, after it's all said and done, I get this really mellow feeling inside, because I know that this person was not meant to be in my presence permanently. She's one of those friends who the whole group kinda meets, and wonders about, but ultimately gives her a pass to join the clique, because hey, she seems like she might be kinda cool lol... but then the Bitch Switch gets flipped. Lol. And don't act like you don't know, because we've all experienced the Bitch Switch! One minute, shit is sweet, then the next you're getting mental flashes of the person on the ground with your fist introducing itself to her face, all because she said/did some off the wall ish.... Crazy, right? But, I digress.

Bottom Line: Be thankful for the cleaning out of your friendship closet. It's always in order, and it's a hassle, but in the end you'll feel s00000 much better, and accomplished, while that pile of junk is sitting somewhere looking stupid!

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"It's 'cause We BLACK, Right?"...

I'm SO sick of people!! This is super random, considering I didn't have to work today, but I'm getting so fed-up with people trying to steal from the store I work at...Why do some people believe it's fair to try to redeem their 5-finger discount every time they come to our store??? My thoughts are always the same: If you think we're too expensive, LEAVE!!! Go to another store that offers plus-sized clothing! We're not the only one! We may be the best (lol) but there are cheaper stores... It just kills me because there are so many things I've seen and learned since I began working in retail. There are people who will blatantly steal from your store, then wear the stolen merchandise the next time they visit your store!! Like really??? As if we're not going to recognize you and follow every move you make this time around??
Then we get the girls who are, for lack of a better term, Ghetto. They enter the store as loudly as they can, attracting attention to the fact that 1) There are WAY too many of them, huddled too close together in front of a rack and 2) Nothing they're wearing gives off the appearance that they shop regularly at our store (i.e. big, boyish bomber jackets, run-over tennis shoes...baggy clothes...all things that our store doesn't even sell!) and wonder why the salespeople on the floor are eyeing them. Lol.... then when they get caught in the act it's "Why y'all gotta follow us every time we come in the store, dang! It's 'cause we Black, ain't it???"
...Clearly any person of any color is capable of stealing...but it literally burns me up inside when I hear this phrase, because the reality is that all the times I've been present during a theft incident, most of the thieves WERE in fact Black! There have been exceptions, of course, but guess what? The race card doesn't work on me lol!! So it's not as if I'm out to "target" my own! I'm simply saying, don't reinforce the fact that people target us already! Duh! Such a mess....
x0x0 ♥