Blurred Lines

I don't believe that interracial dating should still be as hot of a topic as it is...

I mean... any relationship that's formed and built on sincere love is already winning. Skin is skin. Race is race. Why do we sit and look at the outer packaging on people's relationships, and have the audacity to dive in head first with assumptions? I'm a firm believer in the fact that love transcends all the superficial boundaries that we try to impose on it. We look at an interracial couple and immediately see two separate pieces... instead of the single unit that they represent. Why?

I will admit, there is one thing I take issue with. That's the men/women who not only decide to date outside their race, but who then commence to tell you how they do it because people within their race {enter generalized insult here}. 

And we've all heard it before. Most notably for me?

Black man: "I date White women because Black women are too bossy/loud/ghetto/nagging/etc."

THAT's that shit I don't like.

I'm all for finding happiness with the person you fall in love with, build a foundation with, and choose to pursue a life with. We owe it to ourselves to do JUST that. But there's no need to put down an entire group of people because of the quality of men/women YOU'VE previously been exposed to. 

I think this issue in itself is completely independent from the issue some people have with interracial dating. We like to mesh them together, but we fail to realize that our previous experiences have no bearing on the next person's relationship. What you've been through isn't always what the next person is going to go through. 

Day 12--Letter to the Person I Hate the Most. ♥

Dear Mr. Lynch,

Nearly 300 years ago, before the people who gave birth to the people who gave birth to the people who gave birth to me were even thought of, you hurt me to my core. An everlasting hurt that has stood the test of time... it's ingrained in the foundation of a people who could be so much more, if only someone would snap their fingers and bring us out of our hypnosis. All those years ago, you felt it was your God-given right to encourage the use of "fear, distrust, and envy" to control the minds of MY people. My ancestors. MY family. For so many years, and even until this very day... this very second, there are remnants of your disgusting methods flowing through the blood of MY brothers and sisters... There are children who've been raised and conditioned to hate the shade of their skin, the texture of their hair, the beautiful features they've inherited... all because you and your brethren wanted Control. Nearly 300 years later... you've still got some of our minds under your control, even after you've gone on to rot in the pits down under, where you rightfully belong. You got your wish, Mastah Willie Lynch. Even to this day, there are those of us who "love, trust, and respect ONLY you"... The beauty of the bond that was forced onto those vessels from the motherland, beaten to a pulp so that you could have Control. So yes, there's no one I hate more than you... because your philosophy inspired an entire people to hate themselves. I hate you every time I see a child with chemically-altered hair, all because she "hates when it's nappy". I hate you every time I hear someone referred to as "cute for a dark-skinned boy/girl". I hate you every time I see another news story about my people killing one another... killing themselves. Hopefully my people will realize their greatness, and someone will snap their fingers.
Signed,
A Mad Black Woman. ♥

Ignorance...♥

Soooo I was so done today... 
I try to stay away, but B.ossip be calling my name lol. I usually don't read the comments that other readers leave, but I happened to read them on a post about Gabourey Sidibe (the girl who stars in the movie Precious, for those who live under a rock) and I was so disgusted. I went to read the comments on another post about her...and another. You know what they all had in common? Each time, people felt the need to dismiss all the talent, beauty, and humility this young lady has, and move straight to talking down on her because of her weight. Seriously, how many times can you call someone fat? Do you think she needs to hear that from you? As if the mirrors and photographs don't show her exactly what she looks like. She's overweight. We get it. So what? The only people obsessed with it are the idiots who keep bringing it up OVER and OVER... she's making mad money, being nominated for all types of awards, and y'all trippin over her size? Get over it! While you're sitting around talking about her, her chips are stackin'. Are yours?
As if that's not aggravating enough, one person's comment had the nerve to say (paraphrasing) that Black women need to wake up and realize that the reason Black men are going to White women is because they're sick of Black women being so overweight. THAT's when I was so done. First and foremost, this post was about the Oscars and whatnot. It had absolutely nothing to do with interracial dating. I guess this fool just felt the need to share that little opinion. Second of all, I work at a plus-sized clothing store. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've watched interracial couples (which I have no problem with, BTW) come into my store, and it's usually a Black man with either a White or a Latina woman. Let me tell you..My store carries sizes 12 through 26...and let's just say I've seen plenty of Black men with women who wear at LEAST a size 24 or 26. I've seen women who can't even fit our biggest size. All I'm trying to say is that men date whomever they're attracted to. I thought it was mad ignorant for someone to say that they date outside their race because of something as trivial as weight, especially since if weight were the issue, wouldn't plus-sized non-Black women be out of the question, too? 
x0x0♥

The Cookout.♥

My blog is usually all about me. I don't have a media-based blog, so I don't sit around regurgitating crap that I see on other blogs everyday...however, every once in awhile I'll read or hear about something that I can't help but to address. That being said, I'm sure we've all heard about the "Compton Cookout" fiasco in Cali. If not, crawl from under your rock and g00gle it. 
I talked to a group of friends and classmates about this, and we tried to have an open discussion, where everyone of every color could actually speak their truth regarding racism... I imagine there's some margin of error in there, because some people still don't like to say how they really feel about other races. Whatever. Shame, being non-confrontational, or whatever their reason...we're living in America in 2010. Everyone knows about racial stereotypes. The only difference among us is that there are those who live their lives believing the stereotypes and generalizing them to an entire race of people, there are those within those races who perpetuate the stereotypes, there are those who make it their business NOT to perpetuate the stereotype, and there are those who fall in between categories. 
That being said, I was upset with this story. Upset enough to shake my head about it and want to discuss it with peers. We all agreed that, offensive or not, these stereotypes are what many people think of when they see Black People. We live in a time when media basically runs the world. People believe what they see/hear. It's human nature. So if this is the 'Us' that people are constantly shown, why should we expect anything more from them? I'm not taking either side on the issue, and that's where some people get upset. I'm not going to stand up and say "Black people don't act like that!" because the fact of the matter is many of our people do! If you can't or won't do better, or are comfortable living the way you live, who are you to complain? Do I think it's stupid? Yes. Do I think it's fair that people think this represents Black people as a whole? No. But the fact of the matter is, we perpetuate these things and make fun of ourselves as well as other races ALL the time. Why are we surprised that non-Black people do the same? When we watch parodies such as Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinkin' Your Juice in the Hood, we sit and laugh our asses off. It's all in fun. You think Black people are the only ones who've watched the movie? Or music videos that we continue to support, when they all look like they're literally made from a checklist consisting of Bling, Alcohol, T&A, and Cars? We can say all day that people discriminate against Blacks in the media, but I've seen people I know who refuse to watch shows by/about educated, striving-for-excellence Black people. They call things like that "boring", or "lame". Back when BET aired their reality show Harlem Heights, many people didn't bother to support it. Reactions varied between "Ugh, they're so bougie" and "I love them! Finally someone is making us look good!" I personally loved the series. Simply seeing our people in a different light, and on something other than 106th & Park or COPS can make a world of difference...for ourselves as well as other races in the world. People can't accurately critique what they don't understand or know. A lot of people, especially White people, don't grow up around us. Blame that on our segregated country and economy. Many of them don't go to school with us everyday, or interact closely with us on the regular. I've met people in my predominantly White college who'd never met a Black person "in real life" until they arrived at college. What other prototype do they have to go on? I don't say all this to excuse racist acts, because pointing out one wrong thing in relation to another wrong thing doesn't make that original wrong thing justified. I'm just saying that our portrayal, in the media and otherwise, matters. So support things that represent the other aspects of us. We call one another "bougie" or "ghetto" in a heartbeat, and for some, there is no gray area. These two extremes are usually what TV portrays. If we can't agree on what is accepted within our race, how do we combat the discrimination against it? Are we more upset with the stereotypes, or with the fact that someone else is pointing them out?
I will agree with the fact that this entire incident was effed up. I've heard White students argue that "People have White Trash parties all the time, and no one gets offended". I don't know how yall feel about that statement, but as far as I'm concerned, the problem isn't only the outcome of things like this. It's the lack of diversity and sensitivity to ALL parts of the human race. Simply put, our society is desensitized to racism. Some schools have courses on diversity. I think all schools should. Not just colleges and universities, but ALL schools. Why? Because we live in a world filled with different groups of people. Children who aren't taught diversity grow up into adults who remain ignorant to diversity. Hate and racism are direct results of ignorance. We hate what we don't know or understand. Yes, history has shown us some ugly things, but instead of raising more and more generations of hate, why not fight for tolerance? I went to a Diversity Week event on my campus last school year. There was a whopping THIRTY people in attendance. Not to mention the fact that this week was designated to diversity. What about the other weeks of the year? I believe racism and intolerance are learned behaviors. When we start actually talking to one another and knowing the FACTS, and how they differ from STEREOTYPES, maybe our society will develop some type of hope.
x0x0♥

Oh, No He Didn't!! ♥

So on Saturday nights, I go to this open mic thing called The Listening, and it's held in a lounge which is right next door to a tavern/bar/White people mecca. So as I'm leaving tonight, I walk past 3 White guys standing out front smoking, and I give a little polite smile since they were looking. All of a sudden I hear the one closest to me say, "She's a big girl"..
*Pause. Let me just state that, for the record, this statement did not piss me off. I'm a size 18, and I love me, and my man loves me, and plenty of other people (some who I don't even want to love me lol) and I'm one of those girls who honestly believes she's gorgeous, and no one can tell me anything to the contrary! Lol!*
Then another one responds, "Yeah, aren't they all?"....
Freeze. 
No, literally, I stopped in my tracks.
I turned around and, my Mama would come back to life and kill me if she knew I'd popped fly on a sidewalk full of half drunk White men on a Saturday night while walking alone but...I had to say something. I had to...
So I turn around and said, "Excuse you?" and they just looked at me with these stupid grins on their faces. So the one who called me a big girl takes a drag of nicotine and says, "Is there a problem?"... really?
So I told him, "Yeah, the problem is racist ass White people like you who need to learn how to keep your stereotypes to yourself, especially when I work in a store that sells clothes to more White women than a little bit, the majority of which are teetering on obesity while you're sitting here talking about Black women are all big!" and the guys were just looking at me all stupid. Then the guy threw his cigarette down and I just knew he was gonna try something but then he apologized. Yeah, he said "I'm sorry, ma'am, we were just f*cking around, we didn't mean anything by it"...and I was getting ready to walk away when the same racist a-hole who made the "Aren't they all?" comment decided to throw in another two cents. He asked me, "What the hell clothing store do you work in??" then he laughed. My response? "Go home and ask your fat ass mama, I'm sure she's one of our frequent shoppers."
Don't play me. I'm not the one. 
x0x0♥

Self-Hatred...SMH.♥

So I was watching Judge Alex the other day (I think?) and there was a woman who, in my opinion, is CLEARLY Black suing a friend of hers for an unpaid loan. The purpose of the loan? Hydrogel booty injections, which I’ve mentioned in a prior post. The issue this time, however, isn’t those trifling injections, it’s the Black woman’s obvious self hatred! I embedded the videos of the episode, so you can judge for yourself, but I’ll make a long story short with these highlights:

1) She doesn’t hate Black people, she hates Black WOMEN (because we’re evil and hateful)
2) She isn’t a racist, though
3) Her last name was Williams, but she changed it to O’Nassis because Williams sounded “too Black”
4) When asked what race she identified with, she refused to say she was Black, mixed, or anything. She replied “I’m human”.

According to the comments on these YouTube vids, she’s also appeared on the Judge Mathis show before. There’s so much wrong with these women, I don’t even have time to discuss it all right now, since I’m on my way out to work. Just wanted to share…


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The Blame Game pt. 2♥

It’s amazing to me that the race card is even thrown out in cases like this. Amazing, but not surprising. In my opinion, there is no Black community White community. It's all about the Green community. Money is the root of all evil, and at the end of the day, our world is all about economic class. There’s rich people, well-to-do people, poor people, and the people who are even poorer than that. People who are on the street, battling drug addictions and accompanying prostitution habits to support these addictions. The dismissed and forgotten. Depending on where you live, this may include people of ANY race. Black does not always = Poor.


We’d like to place the blame every and anywhere else, but it all starts in our homes and our communities. The devaluation of a Black woman’s life is blatantly obvious in the case of Cleveland’s little house of horrors. Why? Because 11 women don’t simply disappear. 11 women are dismissed and forgotten as we go on about our lives, all because they were just some “crack bitches”. Read the link before you come at me all crazy. Yes, this is someone’s family, but to those politicians, rich people, well-to-do people sitting in their nice warm homes watching the news, these are just a bunch of street women. If we want the world to see our value, maybe we should try seeing it in each other first. I'd hate to see someone I know personally on that list of victims, and I'd hate for my name to end up on a list like it. We've already lost so many lives to violence. Especially violence within our own "community".


Like it or not, let’s all start being real with ourselves for once. The reason this bastard was able to kill however many women (because everything inside me tells me that these 11 women were not his only victims) is not because the media paid no attention. He got away with it for this long because he systematically selected what our society sees as street women. As mentioned, I’m from Cleveland. I come from a home with a nosy grandma who peeps out the window constantly, watching what’s going on in our neighborhood. You can't tell me that there's not at least one neighbor on this street who saw and knew everyone's business. Where were the neighbors who saw these women going into the house of horrors, and never coming out? Women he lured in with drugs and alcohol, and women who had already been either partly or fully in the streets. ..He knew that no one would come looking for these women. And whether we’ll admit it or not, he was right. It's no secret that the relationship between lower socioeconomical neighborhoods and law enforcement isn't nearly up to par. This, however, would not deter me when it came to someone's life. How many police reports and missing persons reports were filed? Were the reports that were filed taken seriously? We as a community, and as a city owe it to these women to WAKE UP and realize that if we wanna place blame, we need to rightfully do so. Blame the politicians. Blame the media. Blame the Cleveland Police Department. But most of all, blame ourselves. Because all the signs were there.
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The Blame Game.♥

I’m from Cleveland, Ohio and I’m sure many or most of you have read about the serial killer who is so disgusting that I don’t even want to type his name in this post. As we speak, I’m on FB chatting with a buddy about what a shame it is...but my question is where was the outcry when the women initially went missing? I mean, the bodies recovered from the house are decomposed…meaning these women had been missing for some time. I’m not criticizing or accusing but if this is your family that you love so much, keep up with them. I’ve read that all these murder victims were also victims of drug addiction. This does not, in any way, take away from the value placed on their lives. It shouldn't. No matter what race or class, we all have someone in our family who is or has struggled with drugs. Does this mean we just leave them out there at the hands of killers like this? Pay no attention to the fact that you haven’t heard from them in days, weeks, months, or years?? When they go missing, raise hell UNTIL a body (dead or alive) is recovered. Not just AFTER the body is found and identified as your relative. These women are someone’s daughter, someone’s sibling, someone’s cousin, aunt, and perhaps even someone’s mother. Where are the search parties? The news stories? The newspaper articles? The Facebook and Myspace groups? The fliers?


There's so much to this story that it's mind-boggling, but when it's all said and done, realize that there are usually warning signs. More often than not. This isn't a charming, clean-cut, Ted Bundy type of killer. This man served 15 years in prison for violent crime. He was a registered sex offender. What guidelines for sex offenders were in place? When a sex offender moves into a neighborhood, is he/she just left there to do what they please? Why aren't their homes inspected? According to another article, as a sex offender, the guy was required to check in with deputies every so often, but all they did is come to his doorstep to verify that he lived there! Questions: Why the HECK are you stopping at the doorstep?? His home should have been searched top to bottom each time a check was conducted. According to the sex offender law, they can't search the homes of registered sex offenders without cause. That's BS, if you ask me. I don't really give two craps about the privacy rights of a registered sex offender. They shouldn't have any. He could have had women bound and gagged inside the home when the deputies visited. How would they know? Also, if deputies checked the home every few months, and the stench of decomposition had been lingering for years, how did deputies not notice? Most people haven't experienced the stench of a decomposed body, but it's very distinct. Even if a civilian can mistake decomp as stench from the sausage shop on the corner, I doubt a law enforcement officer should be mistaking it. It seems to me that more could have been done a long time ago...


I’ve also heard a lot of comments about their being a racial issue involved. Everybody contends that “If it were another lil’ white girl missing, the media would be all over it”…
Here’s the thing: STOP placing blame everywhere else. First of all, it’s unnecessary. Second of all, step back and look at the situation for what it REALLY is. A lot of Black people let that “White missing girls get more media attention” mentality hinder the work they actually put in to find their loved ones! Don’t sit there and think the media is just going to KNOW your family member is missing! The media can’t KNOW the lil’ white girls are missing unless their families go to authorities and such, in efforts to locate them. Maybe it is a racial thing, because guess what? Perhaps more white people go to the media and MAKE people aware that there is a problem, and that someone is missing. The rest of you sit around criticizing the media and assuming they don’t care, but then don’t even try to approach them to get the word out. Media employees are not psychic. They get stories that are brought to them, or stories that people are making noise about. So for God’s sake, make some freakin’ noise!!!
x0x0♥

We Need a Resolution...♥

I’m taking a History of Jazz course this semester, and my professor is actually a famous jazz musician, Professor Jon Hendricks. It’s so interesting to hear the events of this genre’s history from a first-hand source, rather than simply reading about it from a textbook…I think it's an honor, because it must be hard to attempt giving knowledge to the blissfully ignorant...
I’ve become increasingly disturbed and, quite frankly, disgusted by some of the behaviors of my classmates. I attend a predominantly White university, and the majority of my class is made up of White students. My professor is a Black man who served in the US Army during World War II, at a time when Blacks had never been treated as humans in America. That is, until they arrived overseas. This professor shares his personal memories and experiences with our class, and it makes me so angry that as soon as he begins touching the issue of the racism America carries to this very day, there are students who are so disrespectful that they’ll get up in the middle of Professor Hendricks’ lectures and leave the class. I mean, I thought maybe the first time it happened that there was a coincidence, that maybe they all had to get to another class for an exam or something…it’s college. Who knows. But when it happened again during a documentary on Professor Hendricks that our class was watching, then again today…well, let’s just say that’s a lot of coincidence.

The question the professor was responding to dealt with why so many European countries and cultures have respect and admiration for jazz music, but Americans don’t. Jazz is an American art form…something that southern African-Americans brought to this culture. Yet, because of the hatred and refusal to accept that something this beautiful could come from a bunch of n*ggers, America can’t even appreciate the art of jazz. It’s really sad. This is all my professor tried to explain, and we’ve got ignorant people who can’t even bear to listen to what the real deal is about this country. We’re a nation built on hate and discrimination. It’s part of history. Ignoring it, putting your fingers in your ear and singing “Lalalalalalala” isn’t going to make that fact go away! We’re the only nation that has virtually NO culture, and the little culture we do have gets rejected because the very people who were forcefully brought over here came up with a way to express themselves culturally… We’d rather imitate other cultures and try to assimilate them into our lives, than to acknowledge what was created on our own soil….SMH.
x0x0♥

If Loooving You is Wrong....♥

It honestly doesn't surprise me that in 2009 a judge would have the audacity to deny a couple  their marriage license all because they are of different racial backgrounds. I don't know what's a bigger shame, the fact that these things are still happening, or the fact that it's not surprising.
What disgusts me even more is the reasoning for the judge's supposed choice not to marry these couples (yes, there have been more than one. We're just now hearing about it!). He claims that he's not a racist, yet he "doesn't believe in mixing the races 'that way'", and that he's doing it for the sake of any children the couple may have..... can I get a collective, loud-ass "WTF"? Really? To me, this is about as racist as this situation could get without burning crosses and the inevitable N-bomb. SmH...I can't even take it.
Interracial couples do not bother me. I won't lie, I've caught myself doing a double take on occasion, but after that glance is over, I continue with the rest of my life. My air isn't contaminated. The world doesn't stop spinning...I don't understand the fascination with people trying to run others' lives...How is an interracial couple harming you? Are you going to start melting or hyperventilating if they reproduce? I mean, honestly, I think that people give this matter way more attention than it needs. If you're still ignant (yes, I said ignant. Not ignorant.) enough to be that disturbed by interracial dating in America (the home of people mixed with every damn thing) in the year 2009....I can't help you. When a Black man dates outside the race, the outcry of neck-popping, eye-rolling, sistah-isms are in full effect. That's another one of 'our' men that 'they've' taken. My issue is, half of you probably wouldn't want that man if he did approach you! You'd throw more shade than a little bit! So what are you mad for? I think that we need to let it GO. Just move on. You getting angry and popping that neck is only going to perpetuate the very stereotype that a lot of Black men are trying to get away from when they date women of other races! If a person finds love, no matter what package it's wrapped in, I'm happy for them. The world needs more love and ish.
I think our loyalty to the Black man is stronger than we'd like admit. Some Black women who have dated White men say that these men treat them like some exotic trophy, and cherish them the way they wish Black men would. Even after finding happiness with a man of another race, some women still hold on to that desire for a good Black man to come sweep them off their feet...
For those who are actually looking to stay within our race, it's hard to find happiness because we don't understand each other. We go into relationships with misconceptions of one another, baggage from past relationships, and stereotypical biases that may very well have been reinforced during our romantic lives thus far. You can't trust what you don't understand, and you can't love unconditionally without some level of trust. There's a big disconnect, and until we find it, Black love is going to go further and further down the drain. We need to learn to just talk to one another. Get to know each other, and stop putting up fronts according to what we think the other will like. Why do you think so many people say (upon breaking up) that "everything started off cool and then..."? You don't really know that person until a few encounters after the first date. That's when the REAL ish shows up lol...
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