Strength, Courage, & Wisdom...♥

"Nothing shines brighter than a good soul..." --Journey, over at The Soul of it All


I haven't blogged in a week or so, and I've been catching up on all your blogs, but I didn't know what to write about on my own. Until I read this quote. It just spoke to me, and to my current emotional situation. 
I was, as Jill Scott would say, in a bad headspace last week. There was much to be excited about, with my dad's wedding and finally spending an Easter at home, but in the midst of all that, there are things that occurred that weighed heavily on my mind and heart. I don't really feel like getting into the details, because I'm finally on the road to feeling like myself again...not the unhappy me that I've felt like lately. 
All I'll say is that at the end of the day, we all need to purge and do what it takes to make ourselves happy. Whether that happiness comes from writing, singing, talking, working out, crying...whatever. Just take care of your heart and soul as best as you know how. When you're happy...I mean really, truly happy, from the inside out... you feel better. Your aura is better, and people gravitate towards the happiness that's radiating from you. True happiness is something that people and things can't take away from you. 
I'd love to be one of those truly happy people, but at the moment, I'm not. There are things that I've let dictate my happiness for so long, that I have to get back to that place in my head and heart where I feel in charge, and free from all the BS. I want to get back to being the girl who just looks...happy. 


Now that the formalities are out of the way.... the wedding was great! My first time being a bridesmaid. We're having technical difficulties with the personal pics (read: someone's camera is jacked up) but the professional ones should be ready soon. Everything ran smoothly, and now my stepmom is officially my stepmom, even though she's always been my stepmom lol. Long story. 
School is almost over. 3 more weeks, then finals. I'll have a lil' break, then it's right back to the books for the summer. I've done GREAT this semester, in every class. I haven't felt that optimistic in a long time, and it's feeling good. 3 more classes this summer, then an externship this fall stand between me and my first degree. Now that's a good headspace to be in. When people fail you, you've always got yourself, your sanity, and your success to fall back on. 
x0x0♥

Catch-Up♥

Hey all! Another busy couple of weeks, so I haven't been blogging much. I've been checking up on a lot of you guys' blogs, though. So I just thought I'd stop neglecting my blog and at least fill you guys in what's been up with me!

1) It's my last year of undergrad. I have 3 more classes to take this summer (one is a re-take of a class that I got a D in, the semester my mom passed away) and then I'm excited because I finally got into an externship program at the elementary school across the street from my house. So I'll be doing that this Fall. Then I'll officially have my degree.


2) On Thursday (March 18th), my best friend here in my college town gave birth to her first child, Jonathan Jr. He's my Snookie. I watched him being born (yes, I've seen my best friend's vagina. Our friendship is now cemented in stone) and when he was born, he was looking over at me. With these gorgeous gray eyes. I'm telling you, there's nothing like the experience of watching a child being born. My bestie has knocked out marriage, first child, and (soon to be) college graduation all in one semester. I'm so happy for her!


3) I hate group projects. I work so much better on my own, at my own pace, with my own standards. I can't stand depending on people because they always seem to either be doing TOO much, or not doing enough. Then I have to worry about how their hot messiness is going to affect MY grade. Ugh.


4) My daddy is getting married on April 3rd. YaY! I'm not too enthused about being a bridesmaid, but I'm his only child, so whatever...


5) I've been really happy lately, for whatever reason. I'm not questioning or complaining, though. There are so many unhappy people in the world, that I'm thankful for any and all moments of peace that I can get!


That's all I've got for now. CSI is on. Gotta concentrate lol. 
x0x0♥

Spring Break! ♥

I'm officially on Spring Break...as of this past Thursday evening.

I'm loving it! I plan on doing absolutely nothing...well, besides the few days I have to work, which I won't complain about since this skeezer FINALLY got the ax resigned from her position. Life IS indeed good...
Anywho, since I already took my lil' mini vacation (lol) I'm just maxxin and relaxxin...listening to the new Raheem DeVaughn ,shuffled in with the old, forever-emblazoned-in-my-heart Raheem, of course. I don't know what it is about that man's voice but it does warm, fuzzy, heart-fluttery things to me...and I love it! In the car, at home, wherever! That's called quality music...I know I used this pic in my Valentine's Day post, but I think it's so adorable that it's definitely worth posting again lol :-)
I'm currently working on an essay about how the Black Family is under/misrepresented in the media, and how this under/misrepresentation is effecting upcoming generations, which are coincidentally ALL wrapped up in the media. It's a topic that just kinda came to me, as I was looking at a photograph of this gorgeous, young married couple I know. It's crazy because if one were to rely on the media's representation of Black Love, they'd be led to believe that...well...there is no love. We're just a bunch of unwed, unloved, unloving babymamas/daddies running rampant. There ARE loving relationships among a lot of Black people. There ARE couples who marry, and raise beautiful families, and live the so-called American dream. But again, one would never know that if they relied on the media's representation of our people. So...yeah. I'm excited to write about such a topic. 
x0x0♥

Get Your Life Together!!♥

First of all, I'm trying super hard to work on my tolerance of stupidity...but part of me feels like I shouldn't have to. Lol. Sometimes I feel like a lot of peoples' parents must feel when they're trying to tell their kid something valuable but are getting that 'I'm-talking-to-a-brick-wall' feeling. Some things are just stupid.
One of the seasonals working at my store is sooo obsessed with creating some picture-perfect life that it's annoying. The girl is 20 years old. She's already living with her 'fiance' (whom she's been with for a year), planning their wedding for next year, and is on the list for adopting a child. SERIOUSLY??


1) You can't even get into a freaking bar yet. Why are you doing all this?
2) Her 'fiance' doesn't seem nearly as caught up with all this as she does.
3) I don't think he's 21 yet, either. Does she not realize that by the time next year gets here, both of them may be two very different people?? I mean I'm newly 21, but I know for sure that I'm not the same person I was a year ago. This point of life is full of transitioning...
4) Why the HECK are you on the adoption list??? You're working a seasonal position, minimum wage in retail. Is this baby going to come with a rich sponsor?? SMH. 
5) If I hear her talking about her damn wedding one. more. time. 
6) I almost smacked her because she looked at me like I was crazy when she asked me how long my bf and I have been together, then looked at me crazy when I said we weren't getting married until we were both done with school and living stable lives. Umm sorry...is that so wrong?? Lol. Weirdo. 
x0x0♥

Matrimony...♥

A couple weeks ago, my significant other and I were talking about our future wedding plans. 
We're both 21, and we've been together our entire college careers thus far, and it's been going great, so naturally our plan is to marry in the future. Of course we've got a little time, because I still have another year of undergrad to complete and he has two (he's a redshirt wrestler). We haven't decided on all the timing details, yet. 
I don't personally know anyone who's been in a long-distance relationship like mine. People I know think long-distance means living 40 minutes away from one another, in different cities. Those are usually the ones who give me the "what-the-hell" face when I tell them my situation. Basically, boy is from Chicago, girl is from Ohio. Boy meets girl in Ohio, but girl dismisses boy since he's from outta state. Boy and girl become phone buddies, then best friends. Boy has fallen for girl, and girl has fallen for boy but both are afraid to tell one another. Until girl breaks down and tells boy. Shortly after, boy and girl start going steady. Boy and girl both receive full scholarships to college. Boy's college is in Iowa. Girl's college is in Ohio. Boy and girl are living happily ever after, as we speak :-)
However....being the only person in their right mind I know in a LDR, I've realized there are many decisions to be made! 
1) Where will our wedding be? 
My family is basically all in Ohio, with the exception of those in FL, NC and Tennessee. His is pretty much all in the Chi. Who's paying for all them flights??
2) Who's pastor is going to marry us??
We both come from small (but growing), intimate, familial Baptist churches. People who are massively proud of us and our individual successes. Clearly ALL the church folk are gonna wanna be there. 
3) Where are we gonna live?
I love Chicago. However, Christian's family doesn't live in the REAL Chicago lol. They live in the 'burbs. So I'm not sure if I'm in love with Chicago, or just in love with their neighborhood...we had this convo awhile ago and it ended in an argument because I'm from smack dab in the middle of the hood. I hate it. Therefore, I want to get as far away from it as I can when I'm all the way grown up (lol)  and on my own. He's grown up in the 'burbs....it's kinda like those White kids who are fascinated with the hood even though their bedrooms are probably bigger than most of our backyards. Also, my granny hates to travel. I have an apartment 2 hours away from my hometown and she's been here once. Last year. When I was picking out my apartment. Lol. And she complained the entire way here and back.
4) Who pays for the wedding?
My dad's broke. His dad's cheap. It's a recession. Lol... and I'm not getting married in line at no Best Buy!
5) Should we live together before getting married?
I know older folk have this thing about "shacking up" but honestly...how else do you prepare yourself to live with someone for the rest of your life??? I mean, the longest we get together is a couple of weeks during breaks from school, and we've never had a problem other than music (he's more of a Gucci/Plies/Young Money, I'm more of a Talib, Raheem, Wale...). But i still think people should live together at least while their engaged...right? 


Thoughts are welcomed, because even though this is a few years away, I've heard these things have a tendency to sneak up on ya! Plus, I know some of you reading are married, or in LDRs. I'd appreciate any feedback! 
x0x0♥

T.G.I.A.B.F.A. (Thank Gawd it Ain't Black Friday Anymore) ♥

1) My grandma loves me SOO much that she made me my own mini Thanksgiving dinner to take back to my home, since I missed actual Thanksgiving Day here with the family. (I live in a different city, and decided it would be whack to drive to my hometown and have to go right back for my 6 AM Black Friday shift at work)
2) Speaking of Black Friday, how is it that thee brokest, complaining-est people (everything coming out of their mouths is preceeded by "It's a recession!") had the money to come to the mall and shop yesterday?? As I watched people walk around like zombies, looking like they rolled out of the pits of Hell bed and into the mall, I'm thinking Hmm, I wonder which of your bills you DIDN'T pay with that money you're up here spending...We all know how people around here love to prioritize!!
3) It was so amusing to see all these women in and out of stores, while their men were sitting in the seats in the main walkways of the mall, or even curled up asleep in the corner. No, really. Knocked out. Wish I'd taken a picture lol.
4) Why subject small children to the pandemonium of Black Friday? It's 6am. Just because your grown self is wide awake, all hyped up about some miscellaneous sales doesn't mean that your kid is. So don't be surprised when he/she/they start walking around like zombies with their eyes half closed, drooling, crying "Mommy I wanna go to sleep!"
5) I was watching the news last night and this was one of the stories. Basically, a couple who met while waiting in line for Black Fridy a few years ago decided to make a traditon out of it. So they got married. In the line. Outside Best Buy. They also plan to spend all their anniversaries in line. Cool, right?? Ol' dude never has to worry about the wrong anniversary gift, or forgetting his anniversary! Didn't even have to splurge on a crazy wedding! Shout out to the recession! Message: Forget a wedding, buy a flatscreen!
x0x0♥

Know Your Role!♥

“You’re married??? When the hell were you gonna tell me, Dante???“
“You never asked, Keisha. D*mn!”
I can’t count how many times I’ve heard females talking about how they dated a guy for oh-so-long, only to have it abruptly end with a late-night shootout phone call from his wife, his baby-mama, his MAN, etc, etc. Thankfully, I haven’t gone through this ordeal, but I mean honestly, I’m perplexed. One of the main stereotypes of women is that we’re nosy, and we always want to know every damn thing lol. So why is it that when our men are involved, we don’t check our facts? Or better yet, half the time we don’t even ask the things we want/need to know…
I understand that there are men who are just super slick with it, but how can you go on for months, years even, playing girlfriend-boyfriend with a man, only to find out he’s married? Or that he’s living with the mother of his 8 kids, and that they have twins on the way? Did the question of ‘marital status’ not come up on any of the dates, or in any of the conversations subsequent to the exchange of phone numbers? Aren’t there signs? What about the woman whose man you’re dating lol? Where is she when he’s with you? Who’s home is he spending the night at every night? If it’s yours, I seriously question the authenticity of his marriage. If it’s hers, I’d be inclined to say that you should consider yourself single, and run for the hills…
I don’t think that asking a person’s relationship status (past AND present) is too much to ask in the process of getting to know them. I mean, as much as people lie these days, am I supposed to just assume that you're single?? As if that stops men from hitting on women lmao...If I can’t ask a man about his relationship status without backlash, I know he isn’t for me. Clearly, there’s some unfinished business he needs to take care of. If nothing else, this is a subject that needs to be discussed PRIOR TO embarking on a relationship of any sort with this person…whether you’re both just in it for the horizontal polka, or one of you is looking to hit the snooze button on that biological clock…some things just need to be openly discussed.

I use the term “openly” discussed, because a lot of relationships crumble due to lies by omission. Some of us think that a lie is a lie, is a lie, is a lie…but there are some who believe in the adage “What they don’t know won’t hurt them”. I’ve learned that many men will lie/withhold information until you dig it out of them. They get away with as much as they are allowed to get away with. This goes for some women, too. (lest I be considered sexist lol)

My bottom line: Ask direct questions. You should get direct answers. You DO have the right to this information, and any man requesting your time and goodies company should be willing to give the info to you. If he evades the truth, or blatantly stalls before responding…reevaluate your sham of a relationship. If he directly answers, listen to him. If his answer is in your favor, at least now things are clear. If his answer involves a gang of neck-poppin, beretta-toting baby mamas, and an even bigger gang of kids…run for them hills, baby!
x0x0♥

There's Some ____ in this House...♥

One of my biggest issues with men lies in the fact that, for the most part, when men settle down, they want it to be with a woman who’s been ‘around the block’ as little as possible. This is understandable, as I’d hate to be a guy walking through the grocery store or the mall with his woman, wondering why every male within a 10-mile radius is giving him that ‘look’. You know, the look that says “Oh, you wifed that hoe? Dang, homie…”. Then again, I’d hate to be the woman having to give all these men the “I know I let you hit, but please don’t blow up my spot” look. Smh...
I’m all about equal opportunity criticism. When guys say all females are hoes and sluts, my initial thought is “Well who made her that way?”. I mean, one can’t become a slut by flying solo, right? It takes two (or three, or four, or five, or fifty…depends on who you’re dealing with) to earn this title. For every female who’s referred to as a hoe, there’s a line of men who made her that way. (There may be a few women sprinkled in the line, too…once again depending on who you’re dealing with)… As I said, I’m all about the equal opp. So ladies, for every man we refer to as a hoe, there’s a line of women (tally marks may be more applicable) who helped him earn that title.

Of course, we all know that a woman is more likely to hold the “hoe” title than a man is. Double standards, yadda yadda yadda. I’m not excusing ho-tivity in any way, shape, or form…I’m just wondering why people can’t see it for what it is? There are men who like to do a lot of women, and there are women who like to do a lot of me. It’s really that simple. Now, our definitions of a “hoe” may slightly vary, but I think we can agree that the question of “how many is too many” does not bring forth the same response for both genders. If a man and a woman are sleeping together, do both parties get a tally mark next to their name on the Hoe Chart? Does the woman get a whole mark while the guy gets a half? I don’t understand the correlation…clearly, there are men out there who are having sex with these ‘hoes’. Or else, they wouldn’t be hoes, right? All I’m saying is, don’t go sheet-hopping with all the hoes then expect there to be mass amounts of virgins left for you to choose from when you finally decide to get married. Why should you get to settle WITH a nice, wholesome lady when she has to settle FOR your ol’ used up, broke down, tramp-ish self? Where’s the fairness in that??? Think about it…

x0x0♥

I Like it, but Should I Put a Ring On It? ♥

“Gay people have the right to be just as miserable as everybody else” --Chris Rock.

So I’m watching this Chris Rock comedy set a couple hours ago, and part of his routine talked about gay marriage (of course) and that’s where I got this quote. I thought it was brilliant lol. I mean, really. Half the people who are already married either hate it, are bored, wish they weren’t, or were suckered into it, trapped into it, threatened into it…the list goes on.
During this portion of the routine, he also mentioned the supposed “sanctity” that marriage is expected to hold in our nation, and how this is contradicted by the fact that we as Americans continuously watch and support TV shows such as “The Bachelor”, “The Bachelorette”, and such. You mean to tell me that these shows that clearly make a mockery of the “sacred” union of marriage are all the rave, but a gay couple who’s in real-life love can’t get married??? I’m sorry. I don’t believe you. You need more people.
I’m not clear on the statistics of married couples, gay or straight, in this country. I don’t think I feel like looking them up, either. They’re probably pretty depressing. I do know that the marriage rate is undoubtedly not as high as it was a few decades ago in this country, and as a product of Generation Whatever-People-Call-Us, I can see plainly and clearly that marriage appears to be nothing more than a running joke in today’s society. If everyone makes a joke out of marriage, who’s left to take it seriously? People talk about unhappy marriages in movies, TV shows, music, comedy shows, interviews, etc. It’s all fun and games, but guess what? Half the people who repeatedly see and hear how awful marriage is, or how your life is over once you make those vows, are probably less likely to actually get married at some point in life. The odds that they’ll stay married if they do end up walking down someone’s aisle or courthouse stairs are probably even lower. Drastically lower. Divorce is more common in today’s world than Arab-owned stores in the hood. I’m waiting for a drive-thru Marriage/Divorce/DNA/Check-Cashing place to pop up somewhere. I’d like a number 7 with a side of irreconcilable differences and a 2-dollar money order. Thanks. But seriously, what makes a "good marriage"? Is it the love, the friendship, the compatibility, the respect, the fidelity, aesthetics, the sex, the communication, the trust? A combination of all the above? I don’t know about you, but I’d like to be believable when I stand in front of God and a whole bunch of ugly people I don't even like, and say that I’m gonna love this man and stick by him. I want to say “through sickness and health, ‘til death do us ‘part”, not “through sickness and health, or until I get sick of your ass”. Whether it’s a generation thing, or a societal thing, I don’t think marriage stands for the same thing that it used to. At least, not in general. Now, on a personal level, I’ve always wanted to complete school, work and become stable, THEN get married, THEN have children. That‘s what I want for myself…I’ve stuck to that blueprint thus far. Some people don’t want to ever get married, for whatever reason. I respect that. As I’ve said before, I see marriage as a legal matter, so I believe that anyone should have the right to either choose to incorporate marriage into their lifestyle, or not to. However, I know people who are younger than me who are married with children. Their lives appear to be in shambles every other day. Drama like you wouldn’t believe. I know people who are my age and are more cohesive and stable than married couples. The only thing missing is a marriage license. So if an unmarried couple can be happy, healthy, and enjoy life together, and a married couple can be at each other’s throats day in and day out…one may wonder, what’s the point? What comes with this piece of paper affectionately known as a marriage license? What’s in the fine print? Does it really change anything? Is it just to prove a point? Is it all about marking one's territory? Or is there a deeper meaning of what a marriage license represents? Because judging by today's examples of marriage, I can see why those statistics keep changing so drastically…
x0x0♥