A couple weeks ago, my significant other and I were talking about our future wedding plans.
We're both 21, and we've been together our entire college careers thus far, and it's been going great, so naturally our plan is to marry in the future. Of course we've got a little time, because I still have another year of undergrad to complete and he has two (he's a redshirt wrestler). We haven't decided on all the timing details, yet.
I don't personally know anyone who's been in a long-distance relationship like mine. People I know think long-distance means living 40 minutes away from one another, in different cities. Those are usually the ones who give me the "what-the-hell" face when I tell them my situation. Basically, boy is from Chicago, girl is from Ohio. Boy meets girl in Ohio, but girl dismisses boy since he's from outta state. Boy and girl become phone buddies, then best friends. Boy has fallen for girl, and girl has fallen for boy but both are afraid to tell one another. Until girl breaks down and tells boy. Shortly after, boy and girl start going steady. Boy and girl both receive full scholarships to college. Boy's college is in Iowa. Girl's college is in Ohio. Boy and girl are living happily ever after, as we speak :-)
However....being the only person in their right mind I know in a LDR, I've realized there are many decisions to be made!
1) Where will our wedding be?
My family is basically all in Ohio, with the exception of those in FL, NC and Tennessee. His is pretty much all in the Chi. Who's paying for all them flights??
2) Who's pastor is going to marry us??
We both come from small (but growing), intimate, familial Baptist churches. People who are massively proud of us and our individual successes. Clearly ALL the church folk are gonna wanna be there.
3) Where are we gonna live?
I love Chicago. However, Christian's family doesn't live in the REAL Chicago lol. They live in the 'burbs. So I'm not sure if I'm in love with Chicago, or just in love with their neighborhood...we had this convo awhile ago and it ended in an argument because I'm from smack dab in the middle of the hood. I hate it. Therefore, I want to get as far away from it as I can when I'm all the way grown up (lol) and on my own. He's grown up in the 'burbs....it's kinda like those White kids who are fascinated with the hood even though their bedrooms are probably bigger than most of our backyards. Also, my granny hates to travel. I have an apartment 2 hours away from my hometown and she's been here once. Last year. When I was picking out my apartment. Lol. And she complained the entire way here and back.
4) Who pays for the wedding?
My dad's broke. His dad's cheap. It's a recession. Lol... and I'm not getting married in line at no Best Buy!
5) Should we live together before getting married?
I know older folk have this thing about "shacking up" but honestly...how else do you prepare yourself to live with someone for the rest of your life??? I mean, the longest we get together is a couple of weeks during breaks from school, and we've never had a problem other than music (he's more of a Gucci/Plies/Young Money, I'm more of a Talib, Raheem, Wale...). But i still think people should live together at least while their engaged...right?
Thoughts are welcomed, because even though this is a few years away, I've heard these things have a tendency to sneak up on ya! Plus, I know some of you reading are married, or in LDRs. I'd appreciate any feedback!
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Hate to be a cop out, but everybody is different so I can't really help you. What I will do is give you what my answers would be for me.
ReplyDelete1. Wedding can be anywhere close enough for my Grandma to get to without having to fly.
2. I don't have a family pastor, so wifey can have that one.
3. Where ever jobs are available for both of us.
4. Yeah, I think I'd have to come out of pocket on that one. Hopefully there would be some family help, but I'm not counting on it.
5. I'm all for shacking up. Jameil is all against the shack. Therefore there will be no shacking up. LOL
I've never been in a LDR but I imagine that if two people who are in love with each other COMMIT to making it work, it can.
ReplyDeleteI'm TOTALLY for shacking up with a dude PRIOR to tying the knot...Like you said in so many words, there's no better way to prepare for your future with somebody and besides, how uncool would it be to find out all the little annoyances *because we ALL have em'* about your partner AFTER you've committed to them??? ::shudders @ the thought::
With time, patience and a lot of communication, I think all of your other concerns will work themselves out.
Keepin" my fingers crossed that when the time comes, the you two will come to a decision that works for the both of you! :)
I'm not really a fan of LDR's I need face time... That said you def should live together first or at least live in the same city so ya'll can get used to each others little quirks. Good Luck with it!
ReplyDeleteRashan: Yeah because my Grandma is a feisty lil' thing, and she's not for all the long traveling. I think we'll be putting in on our wedding too, but I don't mind. I'm not for all that over the top, million dollar wedding and stuff.
ReplyDeleteMs. Behaving & Super Dave: Thanks!!