Blurred Lines

I don't believe that interracial dating should still be as hot of a topic as it is...

I mean... any relationship that's formed and built on sincere love is already winning. Skin is skin. Race is race. Why do we sit and look at the outer packaging on people's relationships, and have the audacity to dive in head first with assumptions? I'm a firm believer in the fact that love transcends all the superficial boundaries that we try to impose on it. We look at an interracial couple and immediately see two separate pieces... instead of the single unit that they represent. Why?

I will admit, there is one thing I take issue with. That's the men/women who not only decide to date outside their race, but who then commence to tell you how they do it because people within their race {enter generalized insult here}. 

And we've all heard it before. Most notably for me?

Black man: "I date White women because Black women are too bossy/loud/ghetto/nagging/etc."

THAT's that shit I don't like.

I'm all for finding happiness with the person you fall in love with, build a foundation with, and choose to pursue a life with. We owe it to ourselves to do JUST that. But there's no need to put down an entire group of people because of the quality of men/women YOU'VE previously been exposed to. 

I think this issue in itself is completely independent from the issue some people have with interracial dating. We like to mesh them together, but we fail to realize that our previous experiences have no bearing on the next person's relationship. What you've been through isn't always what the next person is going to go through. 

Day 12--Letter to the Person I Hate the Most. ♥

Dear Mr. Lynch,

Nearly 300 years ago, before the people who gave birth to the people who gave birth to the people who gave birth to me were even thought of, you hurt me to my core. An everlasting hurt that has stood the test of time... it's ingrained in the foundation of a people who could be so much more, if only someone would snap their fingers and bring us out of our hypnosis. All those years ago, you felt it was your God-given right to encourage the use of "fear, distrust, and envy" to control the minds of MY people. My ancestors. MY family. For so many years, and even until this very day... this very second, there are remnants of your disgusting methods flowing through the blood of MY brothers and sisters... There are children who've been raised and conditioned to hate the shade of their skin, the texture of their hair, the beautiful features they've inherited... all because you and your brethren wanted Control. Nearly 300 years later... you've still got some of our minds under your control, even after you've gone on to rot in the pits down under, where you rightfully belong. You got your wish, Mastah Willie Lynch. Even to this day, there are those of us who "love, trust, and respect ONLY you"... The beauty of the bond that was forced onto those vessels from the motherland, beaten to a pulp so that you could have Control. So yes, there's no one I hate more than you... because your philosophy inspired an entire people to hate themselves. I hate you every time I see a child with chemically-altered hair, all because she "hates when it's nappy". I hate you every time I hear someone referred to as "cute for a dark-skinned boy/girl". I hate you every time I see another news story about my people killing one another... killing themselves. Hopefully my people will realize their greatness, and someone will snap their fingers.
Signed,
A Mad Black Woman. ♥

Kids...Stay in School. PLEASE! ♥

Sooo I'm on a random grocery store run for some cookies (mother nature likes to give me chocolate cravings along with my monthly gift....that b*tch...) and as I'm on my way to the self checkout, some hoodrat skeez random chick approaches me. The following conversation took place:


Chick: Oooooh, is that yo real hair?
Me: Yes lol...
Chick: OMG how you get it to be curly like dat?? I bet when you get a perm it's gone be lonnnngggg!
Me: I don't use relaxers (White people use perms. Educate yourself) 
Chick: I'm sayin' tho', when you finally get one it's gone be sooo long!
Me: I have natural hair. I don't use relaxers. I'll never get one...
Chick: Oh.. (confused face) but why?
Me: It's just not my 'thing' lol... *attempting to walk away*
Chick: So you just gone walk around with it nappy? That's stupid. LOL
Me: *Turns around* First of all (that's how u know I'm annoyed) all I do is wash, condition, and roll my hair. Every time you get a "perm", you're slapping all types of sodium hydroxide and other ish people use to clean drains and whatnot. I think that would make you the stupid one. Second, obviously my "nappy" hair can hold her own, it got your attention...Now, was there anything else you wanted to talk about? *with my Wish-a-bitch-would Face*


This is not the first conversation I've had like this, but all I'm gonna say is: If your grown ass doesn't have the sense God gave a goose, please don't approach me with this BS. My tolerance is maddd low. Thanks.
x0x0♥

The Infamous "N-word" ♥

OK so this is an exchange I had about a week or so ago, with a person I don’t know on FB. A friend of mine posted this status {Note: Everything is going to be word-for-word}: 
“If a black person who hangs with white people...gives one of their white friends the "permission" to say NIGGA...And then the white friend says it...feeling its ok..cuz they have permission...and THEN SAY IT TO YOU..and say "well..so and so gave me permission"...WHAT WILL BE UR RESPONSE..and what do u think of all dat?”
The subsequent comments started with about 5+ people…but ended up becoming a two-way between me and some {insert nicer word for ass wipe}. So I’ll just give you the exchange between the two of us. I‘ll refer to him as AW {my shorthand for ass wipe}. Feel free to comment on my opinion, his opinion, the exchange itself, insert your opinion, etc:


Me: I don't really care who says it, seeing as how the vast majority of us use it on the regular. its a word...just like any other. And as with other words, my position is this: if I don't say it to you, don't say it to me.


AW: @sonji that was a passive way to look at this word. We say it to one another cuz the world branded it to our being! We twisted it and made it ours! Not saying that is right to use it, but never invite the faces who gave us that to use it when talking to us! Ever! So it is not just a word! That word is our existence here!


AW: Understand fully you speak is all I am saying. When you have to get permission then you should not do it.


Me: If you choose to minimize your existence to a word, that's your choice. I choose not to. I don't feel I'm being passive, but I will admit to being desensitized to the word. Should I live my life being bothered about who's saying a word, and when they're saying it? I've been around enough white people as well as people of other races to know that most of them say it within their own circles, regardless of permission. I don't need to be patronized by being asked for permission. As I stated before, if I'm not saying the word to others, which I very rarely do, then I expect it not to be said to me. And if/when a person of another race decides to say it to me, I'll let them know the same thing.


AW: sonji that is why people of other races feel like they can say it ...cuz people like you choose to hide from shit until it come to you directly...if martin, malcolm, and others thought like that then we would be called worst by them..wake up and stop the passive shit!..you seem real smart!


Me: Right, because referring to everyone around us as nigga this, nigga that doesn't play a role in them saying it.?! When you hear one another saying the word, its all cool but someone else says it and you're ready to go off. If the word is so disrespectful, you should be going off whenEVER you hear it, even if its from your fellow "niggas". Do you? Call me passive all you want, but if you ask me, that bullshit "we took it and made it ours so we can say it til the cows come home" is a cop out anyway.


AW: sonji you are missing the point.....you are so missing the point..you need a class on the matter.....you have things twisted..you may even think because we have a black president that rasicm is over?...lol WRONG!..SPIKE LEE SAID IT BEST WAKE UP!!!!!


Me: Honey I'm not missing anything. I've heard your "point" a million times before, and I've spoken my opinion on the matter a million times before. I've heard this "point" from others who'd fight and argue to the last breath about the word, then catch their breath, walk off, and use the word as if their vocabularies don't know alternatives. I don't pity the hypocrite who does this, and is foolish enough to not expect the same behavior from others. That's my stance, and I respectfully decline replacing it with yours.


AW: @SONJI you are just passive..it is just a point that you need to take a stand on the matter...i do not walk around mad and argue but i know where i stand period they do not even talk like that around me as to where they will say it around your passive self..


Me: Its never been said to "my passive self", and I attribute that to the fact that I'm not the ignorant one going around saying it myself. I respect myself enough not to say the word, and so far its worked out for me. If taking your so called stand works for you, I'm not knocking it. I'm simply stating my experience, my opinion, and that doesn't make me any less "Black" or any less educated.


AW: nah you just passive and maybe hang out with white people..lol..go ahead...do you....do you.....


Me: I always do me. I'll def continue to do so. Have a good night.


AW: i believe you passive woman good night..


just thought I'd share...for entertainment purposes. SMH. 
x0x0♥

Stanky Face... ♥

Earlier today, I was walking through the mall with my bestie and I was getting SO frustrated! First off, I don't know what it is about Black girls (and yes, I'm directing it towards our people, because they're the people I catch doing it EVERYday, EVERYwhere) but for some reason many feel the need to look every other Black girl in the vicinity up and down. Why? And I know you all know the look I'm talking about...that stank, "she-think-she-all-that" look that about 99.7% of the Black female population likes to give off. I just hate it. It makes me want to punch chicks in the face. Depending on my mood, my reaction to the Stanky Face may be to 1) return it, or 2) smile and keep it moving, or 3) glance indifferently at the person because I'm too cool for that BS. Lol. 
Second, what is it about moms and pregnant people that is just sooooo fascinating to random White people strangers? I can't even count the number of times when I've been out with my bestie and her son, and had weirdos trying to peep into the stroller/baby carrier, or wanting to touch his hair, or some other randomness. I get the whole "goo-goo ga-ga, he's so cute" thing, but WE DON'T KNOWWWW YOUUUUU! Lol. Gosh!
Another thing... I hate it when people wear leggings as pants. Why? Just don't do it...Apparently about 47% of the legging-wearing population didn't get the memo that the rule of thumb is, if it covers your ENTIRE {not half, or 3/4} butt, it's ok to wear with leggings. This applies to shirts, tunics, dresses, whatever... But if I can walk 4 feet behind you and see 1) the color, size tag, and design of your panties, 2) the fact that you're not wearing any panties, or 3) every dimple/bullethole/stretch mark/pimple, etc on your toosh...mayyyyybe you should do us all a favor and put on some damn pants! It's nasty! 
x0x0 ♥

Boxes...♥

As much as I hate it, I look at things {and people} very stereotypically. A lot. I've been working on it, especially since I'm so conscious of it at this age....the problem is, I see so many people perpetuating these stereotypes that it makes it difficult for me to look at people any other way. Ever since I started my blog, I've had people who know me personally, ask me why I spend so much time blogging and reading other blogs. I don't know too many other people {in "real life"} who blog; I know some people who couldn't tell you what a blog is, believe it or not. The troubling thing is, most of these people are Black. It made me wonder, am I the weird one...or are there just an abundance of Black people behind on the times? A lot of the people I know would rather be sitting around watching BET, or chasing some chick/dude who could give a rats ass about them...or any number of things that, to sum it up, are a waste of time. So it makes me happy when I visit blogs of people all over the world who share their views and perspectives on so many relevant and eye-opening {or hilarious and random} different things. Especially Black people. For a second, I really thought Black people didn't blog...{yes, a second}.
I love blogging because not only is it an outlet {I rant and rave about random things all the time, and I can appreciate that some people don't want to hear that ish}, but I enjoy reading other perspectives, looking at others' blog setups and creativity, hearing music I may not have heard before, etc. Following blogs, and having people follow yours, is like having a group of people outside your immediate circle who share your views, or at least share the desire and willingness to look at things and come up with a valid opinion of them. I think it's amazing that so many people sign up for FBs and Twitter, and things of that allow you to condense thoughts into a tiny box all day long...but wouldn't give blogging a chance. I update my status as much as the next person, but I don't like condensing my thoughts. Why be limited by a predetermined amount of characters? Why not expand, and express? Even when I post a status, that box will never be big enough to hold all the things that could be on my mind at any given point in time...
x0x0♥

My First Lady ♥

and her man look amazing! Love this pic...it was just speaking to me. So I thought I'd share :-)
x0x0 ♥

Choices... ♥

So I was discussing 'Good' and 'Bad' hair and all that jazz with a friend of mine, and I ended up taking a look back at an old post of mine...and I realized that, with all the things we can do to our hair, I believe our most prized possession is...choice. It's something that so many Black women don't realize they have...A lot of us are stripped of that choice when we're young, as I was. I honestly can't even remember how old I was when I began getting relaxers in my hair, but I've had them as long as I can remember. My hair has always been so thick and, as some would call it, unmanageable. So my mother, being a single working mom of two, did the easiest thing she knew how: she began to relax my hair. I wasn't old enough to realize the effect, besides my hair being straight and not having to cringe when someone pulled a comb through it (I was, and still am, what we call "tender-headed") lol...and I don't fault my mother. She took care of my hair as best as she could. The fact is, so many Black women don't dedicate the time necessary to nurturing what's naturally ours. We'd rather let chemicals become a quick fix, and before we know it, our hair doesn't know how to function without it. Our manes start craving that creamy crack every few weeks. 
I just wish parents would give their kids the choice. Why disrupt a natural process of growth to save yourself a couple minutes of work? I posted a pic of myself at age 5...that's what my hair looked like before I began getting relaxers. Disregard my eyebrows...please! That's a whole 'nother story! LoL...but my point is, I look back at this pic and I don't see "good" or "bad" hair. I see me! And caterpillar-brows and all, I adore this picture. I've wondered for years now what my hair would look and feel like today, had the creamy crack epidemic never hit it. Today, I've learned how to love my hair, no matter how many combs I've ruined or how long it takes to wash, dry, and style my curly madness. It's mine, and I love it...so I'm willing to put as much time as it takes into maintaining it! 
x0x0♥

What is It?? ♥

I was browsing another website when I saw a post about a book entitled Losing My Cool: How a Father’s Love and 15,000 Books Beat Hip-Hop Culture by Thomas Chatterton Williams. In his text, Williams looks at how Hip-Hop has basically become a pervasive detriment to our community; Hip-Hop Culture has replaced Black Culture.
I want to read this book, so when I do I’ll offer an actual opinion on it. Although the book is new to me, the argument isn’t. I’ve heard it countless times since I’ve been in college, around people who are actually willing to step back and take a look at the reality of what our “culture” has become, without being too defensive to see the real deal. That being said, I agree with some aspects of Mr. Williams’ argument. 
I don’t think Hip-Hop is to blame for what’s going on in households and street corners around the world. Period, point blank. I do, however, believe that somewhere along the line, the world’s image of a Black person became that “thugged-out”, sperm-donating, baggy-pants wearing, cornrow rockin’ jewelry-laced person that can be seen on TV at any given time in the day. This has become what people expect of us. I wrote a post back when the BET series Harlem Heights aired, and I mentioned that Black people don’t respond to shows that try to represent our race in a positive light. We’d rather see ourselves on TV acting a damn fool. I’m willing to bet that a lot of kids under 18 today have never even watched such things as The Cosby Show, A Different World, etc. It’s not fast-paced enough for many of these kids, who are being raised in the world of reality TV and 106th & Park. However, I don’t blame hip-hop.
It is my opinion, as a Black, 21 year old, hood-born-and-raised woman in America, that families are at the core of responsibility. Individuals and their choices. People have dropped the ball in generations as of late, and no one seems strong enough (or willing) to look in the mirror and acknowledge what is so apparent. Isn't acknowledging a problem the first step to fixing it? If we never take that step, what is the fate of our Black Community? Yes, there are things that have happened in this world to us as a people. But what about the things we continuously do to ourselves and to one another? What about darkskin vs. lightskin? What about “good hair” vs. “nappy hair”? What about “acting White” vs. “acting Black”? I doubt that Hip-Hop put those drugs into the hands of drug dealers and the fiends they’re accustomed to serving. Hip-Hop isn’t the culprit of a person beating his/her spouse, children, etc. I think it’s weak-minded of anyone to suggest that a genre of music has infiltrated his/her daily life to the point where it changes them for the worst. Where is our common sense???
A lot of us seem to have internalized the idea that to be Black is to be dumbed-down, inarticulate, hyper sexualized, etc…all while rocking the latest styles. It’s pretty ridiculous, right? Kids are afraid to show their intelligence because someone will accuse them of being an “Oreo” or “acting White”. So the smart kids sit in class, keeping answers to themselves, purposely inserting slang and ebonics into their everyday vernacular, just to satisfy someone else’s internalized ignorance. It hurts my soul…pushing past stereotypes is something we simply need to develop the strength to do.
I was born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio. The real Cleveland, not the surrounding areas where all the White people live/used to live before Black people moved in and “chased them away”. I live in the Cleveland where there’s literally an abandoned home next door, a crack house across the street, another couple crack houses down the street, an Arab-owned store on the corner, right next to a church, and a prostitute who’s walked our block for as long as I can remember, with her short cut blond hair and her missing front teeth. That’s where I’ve lived. I was raised, like so many others, by my mother and her mother, with my father heavily in the picture as well, just not living in the household. I grew up riding my bike around the block, buying candy from the corner store, and I grew up listening to Hip-Hop. However I am not a typical product of my environment. I don’t steal, I don’t do drugs, I don’t have any children/pregnancies/abortions, I’m a semester away from earning my first college degree, and I have every intention of earning at least one more. Every free moment I have is spent listening to music, especially Hip-Hop. So I ask you, is Hip-Hop really to blame?
To sum it all up (because I know some people love lists and bullet points and whatnot):
It is not Hip-Hop's job to:
1) Raise your children.
2) Be a role model for your children.
3) Teach your children how to excel.
4) Provide a blueprint to success.
At best, Hip-Hop is an art form, used to relay the emotions and thoughts of our people, in a way that uplifts our spirits while putting a creative spin on our reality.
At worst, Hip-Hop is just another form of cheap entertainment, a business designed to exploit our people by promising us the very thing that we've been trying to gain for decades on this continent: wealth. 
Either way, there is so much more out there for all of us. The problem is lack of encouragement and knowledge being instilled in our children, to let them know that they ARE more than the clothes they "rock" and the cell phones, iPods, and gadgets they own. The potential is limitless, but it means nothing without desire to do better...
x0x0♥

Spring Break! ♥

I'm officially on Spring Break...as of this past Thursday evening.

I'm loving it! I plan on doing absolutely nothing...well, besides the few days I have to work, which I won't complain about since this skeezer FINALLY got the ax resigned from her position. Life IS indeed good...
Anywho, since I already took my lil' mini vacation (lol) I'm just maxxin and relaxxin...listening to the new Raheem DeVaughn ,shuffled in with the old, forever-emblazoned-in-my-heart Raheem, of course. I don't know what it is about that man's voice but it does warm, fuzzy, heart-fluttery things to me...and I love it! In the car, at home, wherever! That's called quality music...I know I used this pic in my Valentine's Day post, but I think it's so adorable that it's definitely worth posting again lol :-)
I'm currently working on an essay about how the Black Family is under/misrepresented in the media, and how this under/misrepresentation is effecting upcoming generations, which are coincidentally ALL wrapped up in the media. It's a topic that just kinda came to me, as I was looking at a photograph of this gorgeous, young married couple I know. It's crazy because if one were to rely on the media's representation of Black Love, they'd be led to believe that...well...there is no love. We're just a bunch of unwed, unloved, unloving babymamas/daddies running rampant. There ARE loving relationships among a lot of Black people. There ARE couples who marry, and raise beautiful families, and live the so-called American dream. But again, one would never know that if they relied on the media's representation of our people. So...yeah. I'm excited to write about such a topic. 
x0x0♥

The Cookout.♥

My blog is usually all about me. I don't have a media-based blog, so I don't sit around regurgitating crap that I see on other blogs everyday...however, every once in awhile I'll read or hear about something that I can't help but to address. That being said, I'm sure we've all heard about the "Compton Cookout" fiasco in Cali. If not, crawl from under your rock and g00gle it. 
I talked to a group of friends and classmates about this, and we tried to have an open discussion, where everyone of every color could actually speak their truth regarding racism... I imagine there's some margin of error in there, because some people still don't like to say how they really feel about other races. Whatever. Shame, being non-confrontational, or whatever their reason...we're living in America in 2010. Everyone knows about racial stereotypes. The only difference among us is that there are those who live their lives believing the stereotypes and generalizing them to an entire race of people, there are those within those races who perpetuate the stereotypes, there are those who make it their business NOT to perpetuate the stereotype, and there are those who fall in between categories. 
That being said, I was upset with this story. Upset enough to shake my head about it and want to discuss it with peers. We all agreed that, offensive or not, these stereotypes are what many people think of when they see Black People. We live in a time when media basically runs the world. People believe what they see/hear. It's human nature. So if this is the 'Us' that people are constantly shown, why should we expect anything more from them? I'm not taking either side on the issue, and that's where some people get upset. I'm not going to stand up and say "Black people don't act like that!" because the fact of the matter is many of our people do! If you can't or won't do better, or are comfortable living the way you live, who are you to complain? Do I think it's stupid? Yes. Do I think it's fair that people think this represents Black people as a whole? No. But the fact of the matter is, we perpetuate these things and make fun of ourselves as well as other races ALL the time. Why are we surprised that non-Black people do the same? When we watch parodies such as Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinkin' Your Juice in the Hood, we sit and laugh our asses off. It's all in fun. You think Black people are the only ones who've watched the movie? Or music videos that we continue to support, when they all look like they're literally made from a checklist consisting of Bling, Alcohol, T&A, and Cars? We can say all day that people discriminate against Blacks in the media, but I've seen people I know who refuse to watch shows by/about educated, striving-for-excellence Black people. They call things like that "boring", or "lame". Back when BET aired their reality show Harlem Heights, many people didn't bother to support it. Reactions varied between "Ugh, they're so bougie" and "I love them! Finally someone is making us look good!" I personally loved the series. Simply seeing our people in a different light, and on something other than 106th & Park or COPS can make a world of difference...for ourselves as well as other races in the world. People can't accurately critique what they don't understand or know. A lot of people, especially White people, don't grow up around us. Blame that on our segregated country and economy. Many of them don't go to school with us everyday, or interact closely with us on the regular. I've met people in my predominantly White college who'd never met a Black person "in real life" until they arrived at college. What other prototype do they have to go on? I don't say all this to excuse racist acts, because pointing out one wrong thing in relation to another wrong thing doesn't make that original wrong thing justified. I'm just saying that our portrayal, in the media and otherwise, matters. So support things that represent the other aspects of us. We call one another "bougie" or "ghetto" in a heartbeat, and for some, there is no gray area. These two extremes are usually what TV portrays. If we can't agree on what is accepted within our race, how do we combat the discrimination against it? Are we more upset with the stereotypes, or with the fact that someone else is pointing them out?
I will agree with the fact that this entire incident was effed up. I've heard White students argue that "People have White Trash parties all the time, and no one gets offended". I don't know how yall feel about that statement, but as far as I'm concerned, the problem isn't only the outcome of things like this. It's the lack of diversity and sensitivity to ALL parts of the human race. Simply put, our society is desensitized to racism. Some schools have courses on diversity. I think all schools should. Not just colleges and universities, but ALL schools. Why? Because we live in a world filled with different groups of people. Children who aren't taught diversity grow up into adults who remain ignorant to diversity. Hate and racism are direct results of ignorance. We hate what we don't know or understand. Yes, history has shown us some ugly things, but instead of raising more and more generations of hate, why not fight for tolerance? I went to a Diversity Week event on my campus last school year. There was a whopping THIRTY people in attendance. Not to mention the fact that this week was designated to diversity. What about the other weeks of the year? I believe racism and intolerance are learned behaviors. When we start actually talking to one another and knowing the FACTS, and how they differ from STEREOTYPES, maybe our society will develop some type of hope.
x0x0♥

I Am...♥

Sleepy, but trying to motivate myself to clean my house up before work (I know I won't feel like it afterwards!)
Happy, because this time next week I'll be in Cedar Falls (Iowa) with my love...on cloud 9.
Anxious, because I'm ready to leave. NOW!
Determined to make today a great day. Waking up to sunshine and turning on some good music will do that to ya!
Loving my life right now, and all the people in it. And all the clutter I've eliminated from it.
Cold, because of the draft coming through the window next to my computer desk...but I like to look outside while I blog and ish. 
Excited, because I've been sans-creamy crack (relaxer) since May now, and yesterday a young man at my job complimented me on my au-natural look. My hair hadn't been "done" in about 5 days... I did a curly set on like...I don't even remember what day last week. My hair is still looking great. Speaking of that, I'm
Thankful that I can sleep, wake up, remove my satin sleep cap, and GO! No extra hair junk needed!
Sad, because my beautiful younger cousin is now one of "those girls" at school who gets picked on because she "thinks she's all that"...and has been suspended for defending herself from a jealous girl who yanked her hair because she wanted to see if it was fake. When will our young ladies stop hating one another??
x0x0♥

Toot, Toot Snitches...♥

So the other day, I was told that I have "narcissistic tendencies"...to that person, I replied, "So? I don't care!" lol.
A person with narcissistic personality disorder:

• Reacts to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation
• Takes advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals
• Has feelings of self-importance
• Exaggerates achievements and talents
• Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love
• Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment
• Requires constant attention and admiration
• Disregards the feelings of others, lacks empathy
• Has obsessive self-interest
• Pursues mainly selfish goals

Obviously, looking at these points...hell yeah, I have narcissistic "tendencies". I fall in love with me every time I look in the mirror! What's your point? The thing that bugged me is that I was given this half-cocked opinion by a skeezer who loves to be the weepy-whiner of the bunch. "OMG, my hair is sooo ugly today !" (bitch, why'd you leave the house lookin like that, then??). "OMG, my thighs move when I run. I'm thinking about getting liposuction" {bitch, so what! Your whole leg moves when you run, you wanna get that nip-tucked off, too?!)...I could go on and on. The thing is, the girl doesn't even look bad. Dare I say, she's pretty. Anyone who knows me can tell you that when it comes to people, I can't STAND hearing someone fish for compliments and validation all day. Ugh! It's so annoying! Low self-esteem rears it's ugly head all too often. It's like, we see you! OK! So you can stop calling attention to yourself, and stop trying to act like you hate how you look, because in actuality, I'm the one who's smart enough to see right through it and recognize that you're actually quite enthralled with yourself. You just wanted everyone else to be, too. Well guess what? I called her out on it! She had the nerve to say, "I'm surprised you had time to notice anything, you're always tooting your own horn"...she had this look on her face that made me want to punch the shit out of her shake my head. I told her, "I'd rather toot my own horn than to wait my whole life for someone else to toot it for me." That's when she threw in that "narcissistic tendencies" BS... girl please. When you stop whining long enough to actually listen in class, earn a degree or two, and start practicing Psychology, then you can come throwing your half-cocked diagnosis over here. Until then, get the f*ck from 'round me! Go somewhere and get your Daddy-issues in check before you wind up knocked up in a campus bathroom talkin' about you're a virgin and didn't know you were pregnant...dummy.

x0x0♥

PS: Yes, I do feel better now. Thank you. :-)

iPonder♥

"We are growing jaded, cynical, tired, and world-weary before our time. We are expecting less and demanding less, and those lower expectations are making us unfulfilled and taking us farther from each other." 

--Hill Harper, The Conversation. 

x0x0♥

Though this Word Really Irritates Me,

'Hater' is a word that's been creeping more and more into my vocabulary lately. Why? It's becoming more and more necessary! Why do Black people seem to hate seeing each other succeed? There seems to be a lot of hating going around these days, and it's beginning to get on my nerves. This subject came up after I had a conversation with a classmate about our grades in a course we just completed. I worked damned hard to finish up strong this semester, and I didn't hesitate to let her know I'd received an A in the course, after listening to her raggedy conspiracy theory that she apparently needed to justify her final grade of C. I could just feel the haterism seeping out, and I thought it was quite funny. So much so that I laughed. This, of course, made her more pissy but oh well. I just don't understand. Personally, I was raised in a home with encouragement and reinforcement. I have no problem tooting my own horn, because I know that when it comes to my education, I value it and I work hard for it. Family loves hearing about this type of stuff lol. But let you say something to a hater...it's an entirely different story. It's always "He/She think he/she all that" or "Who he/she think he/she is??" or some variation of haterism. Like seriously, why not congratulate those around you who are progressing through life positively? If congratulating them is too much for you, just don't say anything at all! The way I see it, there are only three reasons people have to hate on others:
1) You're miserable and you want company. Get over it! Half the people you're hating on are only guilty of making better use of the same opportunities you've squandered or given up on. 
2) You're jealous. Once again, get over it. We're too old to play the 'Boo Hoo, I want what so-and-so has but I won't admit it so I'm just gonna say mean things about them' game. Grow a pair.
3) You've got too much time on your hands. In this case, maybe you need to do something to make your life better while you're sitting around bashing everyone else's. 
At this point in life, all you're accomplishing by being a hater is highlighting all the areas of your life that you aren't secure in. And insecurity doesn't look good on anyone. 
x0x0♥

Oh, No He Didn't!! ♥

So on Saturday nights, I go to this open mic thing called The Listening, and it's held in a lounge which is right next door to a tavern/bar/White people mecca. So as I'm leaving tonight, I walk past 3 White guys standing out front smoking, and I give a little polite smile since they were looking. All of a sudden I hear the one closest to me say, "She's a big girl"..
*Pause. Let me just state that, for the record, this statement did not piss me off. I'm a size 18, and I love me, and my man loves me, and plenty of other people (some who I don't even want to love me lol) and I'm one of those girls who honestly believes she's gorgeous, and no one can tell me anything to the contrary! Lol!*
Then another one responds, "Yeah, aren't they all?"....
Freeze. 
No, literally, I stopped in my tracks.
I turned around and, my Mama would come back to life and kill me if she knew I'd popped fly on a sidewalk full of half drunk White men on a Saturday night while walking alone but...I had to say something. I had to...
So I turn around and said, "Excuse you?" and they just looked at me with these stupid grins on their faces. So the one who called me a big girl takes a drag of nicotine and says, "Is there a problem?"... really?
So I told him, "Yeah, the problem is racist ass White people like you who need to learn how to keep your stereotypes to yourself, especially when I work in a store that sells clothes to more White women than a little bit, the majority of which are teetering on obesity while you're sitting here talking about Black women are all big!" and the guys were just looking at me all stupid. Then the guy threw his cigarette down and I just knew he was gonna try something but then he apologized. Yeah, he said "I'm sorry, ma'am, we were just f*cking around, we didn't mean anything by it"...and I was getting ready to walk away when the same racist a-hole who made the "Aren't they all?" comment decided to throw in another two cents. He asked me, "What the hell clothing store do you work in??" then he laughed. My response? "Go home and ask your fat ass mama, I'm sure she's one of our frequent shoppers."
Don't play me. I'm not the one. 
x0x0♥

Dirty Laundry...♥

So I'm sure we've all either seen Precious by now, or decided flat out that we're not going to watch it...right? Lol... Well I watched it today. Heavy stuff... that's all I can say. I've never done this before, but I watched it on one of those online websites (shh!) and I have to say...I'm glad I did. I had to pause and take a break multiple times. I wasn't sure what to expect, because I've never read Sapphire's Push, and I didn't read any of the reactions on blogs and things like that until after I saw the movie. So, that being said, I thought the movie was quite good. Mo'Nique played the hell out of her role...I can't even imagine what it took for her to get into character for some of those scenes....
I've heard a lot of complaints, though. It's kind of irritating, because there are people complaining who either didn't like the movie because of it's subject matter, or decided not to see the film (again, because of it's subject matter). Here's my thing: the good thing about Precious is that it's based on a novel. Didn't like the film? Maybe you should have read (or wikipedia'd) the novel first. Saved yourself some gas and a couple bucks. For those who decided not to see it because it "makes Black people look bad", all I have to say is this: If you think Precious is part of the problem, then you're part of the problem. 
It's true, abuse, incest, rape, teenage pregnancy, and all that occur in all races, but a major problem is the fact that these things are swept under the rug so much. When will it be ok and acceptable to talk about the taboos of the black community? Last year, 3.3 million Black women were sexually abused...and that's just the cases that were reported. I've heard people say that it's embarrassing that Black people always have to be seen in this type of light, but does sweeping these issues and statistics under the rug solve anything? The things that Precious' character went through are not uncommon, and as a Black woman who hasn't gone through half of that stuff, I had to walk away from the movie a few times. Imagine how many people in the theaters had actually shared some of those same experiences? Too many, I'm sure. 
What are we so afraid of? Embarrassment is a minor price to pay if it means making a change in our culture. Abuse is NOT okay. It's NOT normal. It is NOT supposed to happen to everyone. So why is it that when these things are pointed out, people act so offended? Instead of complaining, come up with some awareness and prevention ideas. Precious could easily have been your mama, auntie, sister, cousin, niece, wife, friend, etc when she was younger. Or it could be them now. Think about it. 
x0x0♥

♥Dear Mall Rat...

I can't take it...
No matter how short, long, straight, curly, multicolored (wtf?!?!), or cute you think your quickweave is... It's not.

As you walk past us, in your Coogi (from head-to-toe) and your K-Swiss, with your overly-huge, tarnished hair-store earrings, the only thing we're all thinking is "Who the heck procreated, and why'd they nix the condom".... You look like you stuck your head into a furnace and then various colors melt over the final product. Please stop...Thanks in advance on behalf of society.

Love Always,
Pretty Pacino...

 PS: Where did this quickweave phenomenon come from??? (I know it's not new, but gosh I was really hoping it would have went away a lot sooner)... They're not cute. At All. EVER!! Why is your mom wearing one??? She's 60! Her hair should NOT be pink and purple with a blue bang! I know she thinks it looks da bomb with her striped velour sweatsuit, but it's just wrong... on more levels than I even have time or energy to discuss.

Ugh, I'm done.

x0x0♥

My People, My People...♥

Life has been pretty Blah for the last few days... despite the inevitable randomness that a college student & sales associate encounters lol... 

HOWEVER... my moment of amusement for the day:

I'm at work, and 3 Black girls come into the store. It's around 11 am...closer to noon maybe, so not too many people have gotten on my damn nerves come into the store thus far. Read: I'm still in a genuinely cheery mood. So these females enter, and I speak to all of them. One stares at me for a second then rolls her eyes, while the others walk around a fixture, to the opposite side of the store. Whatever. I go up to them and ask if I can help them find anything... get ignored again. *enter: wooosah...* So then all three magically find their way to our counter, behind which my manager was standing, doing some paperwork. The counter is also where we keep the stands that hold our rings. So now all three females are standing next to each other in front of the counter, and in front of the rings. Since we'd received shipment this morning, all the slots in the jewelry stand were filled. Clearly we all know what time it is... so I go over to ask the females AGAIN if I can help them, and all of a sudden two of them leave.

So now there's one thievin' ass h*e female left, still looking at the rings in the jewelry holder, and by now a FedEx delivery woman (older white lady) has entered the store, and she left her little push cart thingy in our store's doorway...she's behind the counter talking to my manager, as manager signs for something. All of a sudden, I hear the "customer" speak, and here's the conversation:

"Customer": 'What, you think somebody gon' take somethin from yo store or somethin??"

Manager: ...silence...

FedEx: *looks up*

"Customer": "Yeah, I'm talkin' to you, you watchin' yo stuff like somebody tryna take it!"

FedEx: "Yes, I'm watching my cart..."

"Customer": "Yeah I seen you watchin' my sisters when they left the store like they was gonna take your lil sh*t"

FedEx: "Well, it's kinda my job to keep up with my cart..."

"Customer": "Yeah, you betta be watchin yo stuff...{inaudible ish talking as "customer" exits the store}"

Clearly, this holiday season is off to a kick-ass start already...

PS: After "customer" leaves the store, I go over to the ring stand, just for kicks. Three of the rings are missing, out of a stand that was completely filled. Then people like this wonder why they get treated the way they do in stores. I've learned to not even let them get under my skin, because there is so much more to be irritated about than some skeezers who have to go to the mall to steal a 10-dollar rhinestone ring. 

x0x0♥

Souls of Black Folk♥

I realize that there are so many complex things in our world, but one of the most interesting issues to me is race. Does it exist? Is it some aspect of the social world that we place on ourselves and each other? Is one superior to another? These are things that we’ve all wondered or faced at some point(s) in our lives, but honestly watching things that display African-Americans hating themselves and each other is kind of heartbreaking to me. I think part of my human instinct is to want to blame someone, but more importantly, how do we fix this? Will we ever be able to? The roots of this self hatred phenomenon seems so deep that there may be no point in trying to fix it. It’s flowing so rapidly through our people that there just may be no hope of ever fully getting all of our people to love themselves. It’s sad….like really sad, on a deep, deep level. At least to me.
I’ll honestly say that I don’t love everything about Black people, or the things that stereotypically describe us, but I have never wished I was of another race. I don’t feel inferior to any other race. I don’t think people are born hating themselves. We don’t just pop out of the womb hating who we are. I believe hatred is a learned behavior, whether we’re learning it from our families and those around us, or the media, or from our interactions with people around us. There’s so much to be said on the issue of self-hatred that I don’t even know where to begin…I just realize that as I become older and more educated, I see life as a bigger picture. That picture just isn’t as pretty as I’d like it to be…I just find it sad that, in a world where we could be doing so much, people get hung up on miniscule things like skin shade, hair texture, nose shape, and other superficial things that, if changed, still will not erase who we are, or the beautiful image that we were all made in. These things do not define us, and if they do, it’s because we let them. When I hear people talking about wanting to bleach their skin, or get nose jobs, or all that other foolishness, I always wonder what happened to them in their life that made them want to do it…who told you that you were “less than” and made you believe it so wholeheartedly that you’d go to such extremes to change? Changing our outsides can be so indicative of what’s going on inside… and even aesthetic changes are only a temporary fix. Because a person who genuinely hates who they are is not going to be satisfied with changing one thing. If you’re a Black woman who hates being Black, getting a nose job isn’t going to change that sense of hatred. You’re going to keep finding more and more things to change, but at the end of every day when your head hits that pillow, you’re going to still be a Black woman. Why not go the other route and embrace this? I wonder, where would we be if we lived in a world that didn't try to glorify certain standards of beauty and acceptance...If I could change one thing about the world, this would be it. I find some consolation in knowing that when I bring in a new generation (in a few years), I'll try my hardest to let my children know that they are wonderfully created in the image of something so beautiful, both internally and externally.
There are some things I just don’t think I’ll ever fully understand, but I wish that self-hating people could see what someone like me sees when I look at my people. We could be so much more, but self-hatred has bred hatred towards each other, and I have no idea when a change will come…How can we improve and love ourselves as a whole when we don’t even love ourselves enough as links in the chain?
x0x0♥