Everything Must Go.

The world is huge.

Literally... like, it's ridiculously large. 
And with that vast amount of space comes an insane number of inhabitants. 
It's so easy to feel like you're just a speck on a canvas called life...mostly because, well...you are.
But that doesn't stop me from feeling like the brilliant, vibrant speck that I am. If there's nothing else I've picked up and carried with me through my life so far, it's the fact that we only get one shot here. And depending on your particular beliefs, you may feel that you'll continue after this life (as I do), but you're never going to get another chance to be who you are in this particular time and place. 
So why not make the most of it?
Yes, life has it's issues. We've got bills, and debts, and dependents, and ailments, and work stress, and family stress, and relationship stress, and everything else imaginable. 
But these things are only temporary. 
I refuse to let them hinder the way I float through life. Things that are tangible serve precise purposes during our stay on this earth...but the intangibles?? That's what I'm here for. 
I'm here for the love that surrounds me... it's more powerful and consuming than any hate, negativity, and animosity could ever be. 
I'm here for the music...because there is indeed a song for EVERY occasion.
I'm here for the laughter...because I'm a dork and I truly believe that laughter is good for the soul.
I'm here for all the things that we can't take with us.
Because ultimately,
Everything must go. 

Untitled. ♥

"Wife...you deserve the label, but you've been hurt before so you're sore and don't feel you're able..." --Wale {Diary} ♥

So anyone who knows me will tell you that I'm hopelessly addicted to this song...I just love it. By far my favorite Wale joint ever. Marsha Ambrosious killed it too. Anyway...I'm listening to this as I type, with the volume as high as it'll go...on repeat...and it's just got me thinking about so much stuff...not necessarily personal stuff. Just in general...How many of us know someone who's let past relationships negatively affect our present relationships {or potential relationships}? A lot, right? My heart hurts for that person who isn't willing to let love back into his/her life, all because they let it in before and someone left them damaged...experience has shown us that usually it's easier to break something than it is to repair it...why would the heart be any different? It's so bad that it's gotten to a point where younger generations are being raised by bitter, damaged single parents...and are being taught not to believe in love in the first place, all because of the possibility of being hurt...On one hand, I can understand a parent's desire to keep any and all types of harm away from their children...but how can we know what joy feels like if we've never been exposed to pain? 
I'm also thinking about how people have this cycle...and half the time, they don't even realize it. We choose partners who either possess traits that we are used to being exposed to, or the opposite. Whether positive or negative...sometimes we're too used to something to objectively decide it's bad for us. Other times, we realize what's unhealthy, and aim for the furthest thing from it...but when every person you enter a relationship treats you the same way, or every relationship has the same outcome...you're engaging in a cycle. I think about so many people I know who jump from one partner to the next, and in the end everything turns out all bad...reinforcing the assumption that all men/women "aint shit"...but if trial and error doesn't teach you to modify your standards...aren't you partially to blame? It just seems as though those of use who have been hurt have a tendency to prejudge every subsequent person who approaches us...and rejecting those people {because you think all men/women ain't shit} could very well lead them to believe that all men/women ain't shit as well...so they'll go on to treat their next partner like crap...virtually just one big presumptuous, prejudiced domino effect...and all because we don't want to hurt. It's easier to hurt others than to let ourselves succumb to being the victim. It's quite the phenomenon, actually...
It's not only something that affects our interpersonal relationships... it affects self-esteem, as well. Being hurt has a tendency to make people think they deserved what happened to them...or caused it. That they don't deserve better. I think this is the reason for the whole cycle...why else would one continuously put their self in the position to be hurt?
x0x0♥

Choices... ♥

So I was discussing 'Good' and 'Bad' hair and all that jazz with a friend of mine, and I ended up taking a look back at an old post of mine...and I realized that, with all the things we can do to our hair, I believe our most prized possession is...choice. It's something that so many Black women don't realize they have...A lot of us are stripped of that choice when we're young, as I was. I honestly can't even remember how old I was when I began getting relaxers in my hair, but I've had them as long as I can remember. My hair has always been so thick and, as some would call it, unmanageable. So my mother, being a single working mom of two, did the easiest thing she knew how: she began to relax my hair. I wasn't old enough to realize the effect, besides my hair being straight and not having to cringe when someone pulled a comb through it (I was, and still am, what we call "tender-headed") lol...and I don't fault my mother. She took care of my hair as best as she could. The fact is, so many Black women don't dedicate the time necessary to nurturing what's naturally ours. We'd rather let chemicals become a quick fix, and before we know it, our hair doesn't know how to function without it. Our manes start craving that creamy crack every few weeks. 
I just wish parents would give their kids the choice. Why disrupt a natural process of growth to save yourself a couple minutes of work? I posted a pic of myself at age 5...that's what my hair looked like before I began getting relaxers. Disregard my eyebrows...please! That's a whole 'nother story! LoL...but my point is, I look back at this pic and I don't see "good" or "bad" hair. I see me! And caterpillar-brows and all, I adore this picture. I've wondered for years now what my hair would look and feel like today, had the creamy crack epidemic never hit it. Today, I've learned how to love my hair, no matter how many combs I've ruined or how long it takes to wash, dry, and style my curly madness. It's mine, and I love it...so I'm willing to put as much time as it takes into maintaining it! 
x0x0♥

What is It?? ♥

I was browsing another website when I saw a post about a book entitled Losing My Cool: How a Father’s Love and 15,000 Books Beat Hip-Hop Culture by Thomas Chatterton Williams. In his text, Williams looks at how Hip-Hop has basically become a pervasive detriment to our community; Hip-Hop Culture has replaced Black Culture.
I want to read this book, so when I do I’ll offer an actual opinion on it. Although the book is new to me, the argument isn’t. I’ve heard it countless times since I’ve been in college, around people who are actually willing to step back and take a look at the reality of what our “culture” has become, without being too defensive to see the real deal. That being said, I agree with some aspects of Mr. Williams’ argument. 
I don’t think Hip-Hop is to blame for what’s going on in households and street corners around the world. Period, point blank. I do, however, believe that somewhere along the line, the world’s image of a Black person became that “thugged-out”, sperm-donating, baggy-pants wearing, cornrow rockin’ jewelry-laced person that can be seen on TV at any given time in the day. This has become what people expect of us. I wrote a post back when the BET series Harlem Heights aired, and I mentioned that Black people don’t respond to shows that try to represent our race in a positive light. We’d rather see ourselves on TV acting a damn fool. I’m willing to bet that a lot of kids under 18 today have never even watched such things as The Cosby Show, A Different World, etc. It’s not fast-paced enough for many of these kids, who are being raised in the world of reality TV and 106th & Park. However, I don’t blame hip-hop.
It is my opinion, as a Black, 21 year old, hood-born-and-raised woman in America, that families are at the core of responsibility. Individuals and their choices. People have dropped the ball in generations as of late, and no one seems strong enough (or willing) to look in the mirror and acknowledge what is so apparent. Isn't acknowledging a problem the first step to fixing it? If we never take that step, what is the fate of our Black Community? Yes, there are things that have happened in this world to us as a people. But what about the things we continuously do to ourselves and to one another? What about darkskin vs. lightskin? What about “good hair” vs. “nappy hair”? What about “acting White” vs. “acting Black”? I doubt that Hip-Hop put those drugs into the hands of drug dealers and the fiends they’re accustomed to serving. Hip-Hop isn’t the culprit of a person beating his/her spouse, children, etc. I think it’s weak-minded of anyone to suggest that a genre of music has infiltrated his/her daily life to the point where it changes them for the worst. Where is our common sense???
A lot of us seem to have internalized the idea that to be Black is to be dumbed-down, inarticulate, hyper sexualized, etc…all while rocking the latest styles. It’s pretty ridiculous, right? Kids are afraid to show their intelligence because someone will accuse them of being an “Oreo” or “acting White”. So the smart kids sit in class, keeping answers to themselves, purposely inserting slang and ebonics into their everyday vernacular, just to satisfy someone else’s internalized ignorance. It hurts my soul…pushing past stereotypes is something we simply need to develop the strength to do.
I was born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio. The real Cleveland, not the surrounding areas where all the White people live/used to live before Black people moved in and “chased them away”. I live in the Cleveland where there’s literally an abandoned home next door, a crack house across the street, another couple crack houses down the street, an Arab-owned store on the corner, right next to a church, and a prostitute who’s walked our block for as long as I can remember, with her short cut blond hair and her missing front teeth. That’s where I’ve lived. I was raised, like so many others, by my mother and her mother, with my father heavily in the picture as well, just not living in the household. I grew up riding my bike around the block, buying candy from the corner store, and I grew up listening to Hip-Hop. However I am not a typical product of my environment. I don’t steal, I don’t do drugs, I don’t have any children/pregnancies/abortions, I’m a semester away from earning my first college degree, and I have every intention of earning at least one more. Every free moment I have is spent listening to music, especially Hip-Hop. So I ask you, is Hip-Hop really to blame?
To sum it all up (because I know some people love lists and bullet points and whatnot):
It is not Hip-Hop's job to:
1) Raise your children.
2) Be a role model for your children.
3) Teach your children how to excel.
4) Provide a blueprint to success.
At best, Hip-Hop is an art form, used to relay the emotions and thoughts of our people, in a way that uplifts our spirits while putting a creative spin on our reality.
At worst, Hip-Hop is just another form of cheap entertainment, a business designed to exploit our people by promising us the very thing that we've been trying to gain for decades on this continent: wealth. 
Either way, there is so much more out there for all of us. The problem is lack of encouragement and knowledge being instilled in our children, to let them know that they ARE more than the clothes they "rock" and the cell phones, iPods, and gadgets they own. The potential is limitless, but it means nothing without desire to do better...
x0x0♥

Ignorance...♥

Soooo I was so done today... 
I try to stay away, but B.ossip be calling my name lol. I usually don't read the comments that other readers leave, but I happened to read them on a post about Gabourey Sidibe (the girl who stars in the movie Precious, for those who live under a rock) and I was so disgusted. I went to read the comments on another post about her...and another. You know what they all had in common? Each time, people felt the need to dismiss all the talent, beauty, and humility this young lady has, and move straight to talking down on her because of her weight. Seriously, how many times can you call someone fat? Do you think she needs to hear that from you? As if the mirrors and photographs don't show her exactly what she looks like. She's overweight. We get it. So what? The only people obsessed with it are the idiots who keep bringing it up OVER and OVER... she's making mad money, being nominated for all types of awards, and y'all trippin over her size? Get over it! While you're sitting around talking about her, her chips are stackin'. Are yours?
As if that's not aggravating enough, one person's comment had the nerve to say (paraphrasing) that Black women need to wake up and realize that the reason Black men are going to White women is because they're sick of Black women being so overweight. THAT's when I was so done. First and foremost, this post was about the Oscars and whatnot. It had absolutely nothing to do with interracial dating. I guess this fool just felt the need to share that little opinion. Second of all, I work at a plus-sized clothing store. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've watched interracial couples (which I have no problem with, BTW) come into my store, and it's usually a Black man with either a White or a Latina woman. Let me tell you..My store carries sizes 12 through 26...and let's just say I've seen plenty of Black men with women who wear at LEAST a size 24 or 26. I've seen women who can't even fit our biggest size. All I'm trying to say is that men date whomever they're attracted to. I thought it was mad ignorant for someone to say that they date outside their race because of something as trivial as weight, especially since if weight were the issue, wouldn't plus-sized non-Black women be out of the question, too? 
x0x0♥

Spring Break! ♥

I'm officially on Spring Break...as of this past Thursday evening.

I'm loving it! I plan on doing absolutely nothing...well, besides the few days I have to work, which I won't complain about since this skeezer FINALLY got the ax resigned from her position. Life IS indeed good...
Anywho, since I already took my lil' mini vacation (lol) I'm just maxxin and relaxxin...listening to the new Raheem DeVaughn ,shuffled in with the old, forever-emblazoned-in-my-heart Raheem, of course. I don't know what it is about that man's voice but it does warm, fuzzy, heart-fluttery things to me...and I love it! In the car, at home, wherever! That's called quality music...I know I used this pic in my Valentine's Day post, but I think it's so adorable that it's definitely worth posting again lol :-)
I'm currently working on an essay about how the Black Family is under/misrepresented in the media, and how this under/misrepresentation is effecting upcoming generations, which are coincidentally ALL wrapped up in the media. It's a topic that just kinda came to me, as I was looking at a photograph of this gorgeous, young married couple I know. It's crazy because if one were to rely on the media's representation of Black Love, they'd be led to believe that...well...there is no love. We're just a bunch of unwed, unloved, unloving babymamas/daddies running rampant. There ARE loving relationships among a lot of Black people. There ARE couples who marry, and raise beautiful families, and live the so-called American dream. But again, one would never know that if they relied on the media's representation of our people. So...yeah. I'm excited to write about such a topic. 
x0x0♥

The Cookout.♥

My blog is usually all about me. I don't have a media-based blog, so I don't sit around regurgitating crap that I see on other blogs everyday...however, every once in awhile I'll read or hear about something that I can't help but to address. That being said, I'm sure we've all heard about the "Compton Cookout" fiasco in Cali. If not, crawl from under your rock and g00gle it. 
I talked to a group of friends and classmates about this, and we tried to have an open discussion, where everyone of every color could actually speak their truth regarding racism... I imagine there's some margin of error in there, because some people still don't like to say how they really feel about other races. Whatever. Shame, being non-confrontational, or whatever their reason...we're living in America in 2010. Everyone knows about racial stereotypes. The only difference among us is that there are those who live their lives believing the stereotypes and generalizing them to an entire race of people, there are those within those races who perpetuate the stereotypes, there are those who make it their business NOT to perpetuate the stereotype, and there are those who fall in between categories. 
That being said, I was upset with this story. Upset enough to shake my head about it and want to discuss it with peers. We all agreed that, offensive or not, these stereotypes are what many people think of when they see Black People. We live in a time when media basically runs the world. People believe what they see/hear. It's human nature. So if this is the 'Us' that people are constantly shown, why should we expect anything more from them? I'm not taking either side on the issue, and that's where some people get upset. I'm not going to stand up and say "Black people don't act like that!" because the fact of the matter is many of our people do! If you can't or won't do better, or are comfortable living the way you live, who are you to complain? Do I think it's stupid? Yes. Do I think it's fair that people think this represents Black people as a whole? No. But the fact of the matter is, we perpetuate these things and make fun of ourselves as well as other races ALL the time. Why are we surprised that non-Black people do the same? When we watch parodies such as Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinkin' Your Juice in the Hood, we sit and laugh our asses off. It's all in fun. You think Black people are the only ones who've watched the movie? Or music videos that we continue to support, when they all look like they're literally made from a checklist consisting of Bling, Alcohol, T&A, and Cars? We can say all day that people discriminate against Blacks in the media, but I've seen people I know who refuse to watch shows by/about educated, striving-for-excellence Black people. They call things like that "boring", or "lame". Back when BET aired their reality show Harlem Heights, many people didn't bother to support it. Reactions varied between "Ugh, they're so bougie" and "I love them! Finally someone is making us look good!" I personally loved the series. Simply seeing our people in a different light, and on something other than 106th & Park or COPS can make a world of difference...for ourselves as well as other races in the world. People can't accurately critique what they don't understand or know. A lot of people, especially White people, don't grow up around us. Blame that on our segregated country and economy. Many of them don't go to school with us everyday, or interact closely with us on the regular. I've met people in my predominantly White college who'd never met a Black person "in real life" until they arrived at college. What other prototype do they have to go on? I don't say all this to excuse racist acts, because pointing out one wrong thing in relation to another wrong thing doesn't make that original wrong thing justified. I'm just saying that our portrayal, in the media and otherwise, matters. So support things that represent the other aspects of us. We call one another "bougie" or "ghetto" in a heartbeat, and for some, there is no gray area. These two extremes are usually what TV portrays. If we can't agree on what is accepted within our race, how do we combat the discrimination against it? Are we more upset with the stereotypes, or with the fact that someone else is pointing them out?
I will agree with the fact that this entire incident was effed up. I've heard White students argue that "People have White Trash parties all the time, and no one gets offended". I don't know how yall feel about that statement, but as far as I'm concerned, the problem isn't only the outcome of things like this. It's the lack of diversity and sensitivity to ALL parts of the human race. Simply put, our society is desensitized to racism. Some schools have courses on diversity. I think all schools should. Not just colleges and universities, but ALL schools. Why? Because we live in a world filled with different groups of people. Children who aren't taught diversity grow up into adults who remain ignorant to diversity. Hate and racism are direct results of ignorance. We hate what we don't know or understand. Yes, history has shown us some ugly things, but instead of raising more and more generations of hate, why not fight for tolerance? I went to a Diversity Week event on my campus last school year. There was a whopping THIRTY people in attendance. Not to mention the fact that this week was designated to diversity. What about the other weeks of the year? I believe racism and intolerance are learned behaviors. When we start actually talking to one another and knowing the FACTS, and how they differ from STEREOTYPES, maybe our society will develop some type of hope.
x0x0♥

Toot, Toot Snitches...♥

So the other day, I was told that I have "narcissistic tendencies"...to that person, I replied, "So? I don't care!" lol.
A person with narcissistic personality disorder:

• Reacts to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation
• Takes advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals
• Has feelings of self-importance
• Exaggerates achievements and talents
• Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love
• Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment
• Requires constant attention and admiration
• Disregards the feelings of others, lacks empathy
• Has obsessive self-interest
• Pursues mainly selfish goals

Obviously, looking at these points...hell yeah, I have narcissistic "tendencies". I fall in love with me every time I look in the mirror! What's your point? The thing that bugged me is that I was given this half-cocked opinion by a skeezer who loves to be the weepy-whiner of the bunch. "OMG, my hair is sooo ugly today !" (bitch, why'd you leave the house lookin like that, then??). "OMG, my thighs move when I run. I'm thinking about getting liposuction" {bitch, so what! Your whole leg moves when you run, you wanna get that nip-tucked off, too?!)...I could go on and on. The thing is, the girl doesn't even look bad. Dare I say, she's pretty. Anyone who knows me can tell you that when it comes to people, I can't STAND hearing someone fish for compliments and validation all day. Ugh! It's so annoying! Low self-esteem rears it's ugly head all too often. It's like, we see you! OK! So you can stop calling attention to yourself, and stop trying to act like you hate how you look, because in actuality, I'm the one who's smart enough to see right through it and recognize that you're actually quite enthralled with yourself. You just wanted everyone else to be, too. Well guess what? I called her out on it! She had the nerve to say, "I'm surprised you had time to notice anything, you're always tooting your own horn"...she had this look on her face that made me want to punch the shit out of her shake my head. I told her, "I'd rather toot my own horn than to wait my whole life for someone else to toot it for me." That's when she threw in that "narcissistic tendencies" BS... girl please. When you stop whining long enough to actually listen in class, earn a degree or two, and start practicing Psychology, then you can come throwing your half-cocked diagnosis over here. Until then, get the f*ck from 'round me! Go somewhere and get your Daddy-issues in check before you wind up knocked up in a campus bathroom talkin' about you're a virgin and didn't know you were pregnant...dummy.

x0x0♥

PS: Yes, I do feel better now. Thank you. :-)

On My Mind...♥

Soo I had to ween myself from blogger for a hot sec, in order to...you know...study and junk like that. I just finished a research paper on genocide for my Hate Crimes class and during my research I found this quote that's been on my mind ever since: "Do they want another 6,000,000 deaths before they can be ashamed again?" --David Nzaligo, Tanzania. The quote is referring to the UN and their slow ass reluctant response to the Darfur Conflict due to the fact that there was no "genocidal intent". Apparently if the word genocide isn't absolute, the UN isn't legally obligated to intervene...isn't that some BS? I feel Mr. Nzaligo's frustration here...When hundreds of thousands of people are being killed, who the hell cares what it's called?? Fix it! No one has time for you to be playing Scrabble with words and ish! The things humans do to one another will never cease to amaze me. That paper really took a lot out of me, I had to take mad breaks during the research phase...but I got it done. Might be one of the best papers I've written since I've been in college! 
Anywho, I finally settled on a schedule for Spring '10...after about 30 readjustments lol. I'm so excited. In January I'll be taking Criminal Profiling, Human Sexuality, Clinical Psych, Research in Clinical Psych, and Issues in Crime... finally, some worthwhile stuff...I'm so sick of core classes IDK what to do! 
Gotta go, Criminal Minds is on!
x0x0♥

Dirty Laundry...♥

So I'm sure we've all either seen Precious by now, or decided flat out that we're not going to watch it...right? Lol... Well I watched it today. Heavy stuff... that's all I can say. I've never done this before, but I watched it on one of those online websites (shh!) and I have to say...I'm glad I did. I had to pause and take a break multiple times. I wasn't sure what to expect, because I've never read Sapphire's Push, and I didn't read any of the reactions on blogs and things like that until after I saw the movie. So, that being said, I thought the movie was quite good. Mo'Nique played the hell out of her role...I can't even imagine what it took for her to get into character for some of those scenes....
I've heard a lot of complaints, though. It's kind of irritating, because there are people complaining who either didn't like the movie because of it's subject matter, or decided not to see the film (again, because of it's subject matter). Here's my thing: the good thing about Precious is that it's based on a novel. Didn't like the film? Maybe you should have read (or wikipedia'd) the novel first. Saved yourself some gas and a couple bucks. For those who decided not to see it because it "makes Black people look bad", all I have to say is this: If you think Precious is part of the problem, then you're part of the problem. 
It's true, abuse, incest, rape, teenage pregnancy, and all that occur in all races, but a major problem is the fact that these things are swept under the rug so much. When will it be ok and acceptable to talk about the taboos of the black community? Last year, 3.3 million Black women were sexually abused...and that's just the cases that were reported. I've heard people say that it's embarrassing that Black people always have to be seen in this type of light, but does sweeping these issues and statistics under the rug solve anything? The things that Precious' character went through are not uncommon, and as a Black woman who hasn't gone through half of that stuff, I had to walk away from the movie a few times. Imagine how many people in the theaters had actually shared some of those same experiences? Too many, I'm sure. 
What are we so afraid of? Embarrassment is a minor price to pay if it means making a change in our culture. Abuse is NOT okay. It's NOT normal. It is NOT supposed to happen to everyone. So why is it that when these things are pointed out, people act so offended? Instead of complaining, come up with some awareness and prevention ideas. Precious could easily have been your mama, auntie, sister, cousin, niece, wife, friend, etc when she was younger. Or it could be them now. Think about it. 
x0x0♥

Self-Hatred...SMH.♥

So I was watching Judge Alex the other day (I think?) and there was a woman who, in my opinion, is CLEARLY Black suing a friend of hers for an unpaid loan. The purpose of the loan? Hydrogel booty injections, which I’ve mentioned in a prior post. The issue this time, however, isn’t those trifling injections, it’s the Black woman’s obvious self hatred! I embedded the videos of the episode, so you can judge for yourself, but I’ll make a long story short with these highlights:

1) She doesn’t hate Black people, she hates Black WOMEN (because we’re evil and hateful)
2) She isn’t a racist, though
3) Her last name was Williams, but she changed it to O’Nassis because Williams sounded “too Black”
4) When asked what race she identified with, she refused to say she was Black, mixed, or anything. She replied “I’m human”.

According to the comments on these YouTube vids, she’s also appeared on the Judge Mathis show before. There’s so much wrong with these women, I don’t even have time to discuss it all right now, since I’m on my way out to work. Just wanted to share…


x0x0♥

Girl, Eat that Sandwich...♥

Today in my Women and Gender Studies class, a guest lecturer spoke to us about eating disorders, disordered eating, and self-esteem issues, in both women and men. Mainly women, though, because we’re better it’s a WGST course.
A promo for the Tri Delts' Fat Talk Free campaign stuck out to me, because it’s part of their call to end “Fat Talk” amongst women. Fat Talk is the emphasis we put on ourselves and on others about weight in everyday conversation. Some examples of Fat Talk:

“Honey, do I look FAT in this?”

“Hey, you look great. Have you lost WEIGHT?”

“I’d love to go swimming, but my suit makes me look PUDGY…”

"Ugh, if I could just LOSE 3 POUNDS, I'd be happy."

We could talk for days and days about how the media and society influences body images, especially among women. The reality is that there is no “ideal” weight that every woman needs to strive for, because we’re all made differently. Health is what we should strive for, not an unobtainable weight that we see in (usually) photoshopped magazine ads and on starved models who are “thinner than about 98% of most American women.”
The video is kinda cool. It made me think. Which is the whole point of learning, right? Enjoy!



x0x0♥

Quirks and Me-isms.♥

I was noticing when I arrived home from my morning class that every time I get out of my car, I jiggle my keys before shutting the door. Twice.
I’m absolutely PARANOID about locking my keys my car.
Keys + Blackberry are in hand at all times when exiting my apartment.
My car.
Pretty much anywhere.
I lick my lips a lot. Like LL Cool-ish. Minus the tongue action, but with all the sexy, nonetheless. I get kinda paranoid about my lips being dry. I always have on lip gloss, vaseline, etc... but I still worry. I mean, who wants big, chapped, dry lips? Lol.
I think I make people uncomfortable sometimes when I'm listening to a lecture or some other form of monologue. Sometimes I'm focusing so much that I won't blink for a little while. Until my contacts become dry and my eyes start feeling weird. I don't do this on purpose. It just kinda happens...
That's all for now.
x0x0♥

The Blame Game pt. 2♥

It’s amazing to me that the race card is even thrown out in cases like this. Amazing, but not surprising. In my opinion, there is no Black community White community. It's all about the Green community. Money is the root of all evil, and at the end of the day, our world is all about economic class. There’s rich people, well-to-do people, poor people, and the people who are even poorer than that. People who are on the street, battling drug addictions and accompanying prostitution habits to support these addictions. The dismissed and forgotten. Depending on where you live, this may include people of ANY race. Black does not always = Poor.


We’d like to place the blame every and anywhere else, but it all starts in our homes and our communities. The devaluation of a Black woman’s life is blatantly obvious in the case of Cleveland’s little house of horrors. Why? Because 11 women don’t simply disappear. 11 women are dismissed and forgotten as we go on about our lives, all because they were just some “crack bitches”. Read the link before you come at me all crazy. Yes, this is someone’s family, but to those politicians, rich people, well-to-do people sitting in their nice warm homes watching the news, these are just a bunch of street women. If we want the world to see our value, maybe we should try seeing it in each other first. I'd hate to see someone I know personally on that list of victims, and I'd hate for my name to end up on a list like it. We've already lost so many lives to violence. Especially violence within our own "community".


Like it or not, let’s all start being real with ourselves for once. The reason this bastard was able to kill however many women (because everything inside me tells me that these 11 women were not his only victims) is not because the media paid no attention. He got away with it for this long because he systematically selected what our society sees as street women. As mentioned, I’m from Cleveland. I come from a home with a nosy grandma who peeps out the window constantly, watching what’s going on in our neighborhood. You can't tell me that there's not at least one neighbor on this street who saw and knew everyone's business. Where were the neighbors who saw these women going into the house of horrors, and never coming out? Women he lured in with drugs and alcohol, and women who had already been either partly or fully in the streets. ..He knew that no one would come looking for these women. And whether we’ll admit it or not, he was right. It's no secret that the relationship between lower socioeconomical neighborhoods and law enforcement isn't nearly up to par. This, however, would not deter me when it came to someone's life. How many police reports and missing persons reports were filed? Were the reports that were filed taken seriously? We as a community, and as a city owe it to these women to WAKE UP and realize that if we wanna place blame, we need to rightfully do so. Blame the politicians. Blame the media. Blame the Cleveland Police Department. But most of all, blame ourselves. Because all the signs were there.
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The Blame Game.♥

I’m from Cleveland, Ohio and I’m sure many or most of you have read about the serial killer who is so disgusting that I don’t even want to type his name in this post. As we speak, I’m on FB chatting with a buddy about what a shame it is...but my question is where was the outcry when the women initially went missing? I mean, the bodies recovered from the house are decomposed…meaning these women had been missing for some time. I’m not criticizing or accusing but if this is your family that you love so much, keep up with them. I’ve read that all these murder victims were also victims of drug addiction. This does not, in any way, take away from the value placed on their lives. It shouldn't. No matter what race or class, we all have someone in our family who is or has struggled with drugs. Does this mean we just leave them out there at the hands of killers like this? Pay no attention to the fact that you haven’t heard from them in days, weeks, months, or years?? When they go missing, raise hell UNTIL a body (dead or alive) is recovered. Not just AFTER the body is found and identified as your relative. These women are someone’s daughter, someone’s sibling, someone’s cousin, aunt, and perhaps even someone’s mother. Where are the search parties? The news stories? The newspaper articles? The Facebook and Myspace groups? The fliers?


There's so much to this story that it's mind-boggling, but when it's all said and done, realize that there are usually warning signs. More often than not. This isn't a charming, clean-cut, Ted Bundy type of killer. This man served 15 years in prison for violent crime. He was a registered sex offender. What guidelines for sex offenders were in place? When a sex offender moves into a neighborhood, is he/she just left there to do what they please? Why aren't their homes inspected? According to another article, as a sex offender, the guy was required to check in with deputies every so often, but all they did is come to his doorstep to verify that he lived there! Questions: Why the HECK are you stopping at the doorstep?? His home should have been searched top to bottom each time a check was conducted. According to the sex offender law, they can't search the homes of registered sex offenders without cause. That's BS, if you ask me. I don't really give two craps about the privacy rights of a registered sex offender. They shouldn't have any. He could have had women bound and gagged inside the home when the deputies visited. How would they know? Also, if deputies checked the home every few months, and the stench of decomposition had been lingering for years, how did deputies not notice? Most people haven't experienced the stench of a decomposed body, but it's very distinct. Even if a civilian can mistake decomp as stench from the sausage shop on the corner, I doubt a law enforcement officer should be mistaking it. It seems to me that more could have been done a long time ago...


I’ve also heard a lot of comments about their being a racial issue involved. Everybody contends that “If it were another lil’ white girl missing, the media would be all over it”…
Here’s the thing: STOP placing blame everywhere else. First of all, it’s unnecessary. Second of all, step back and look at the situation for what it REALLY is. A lot of Black people let that “White missing girls get more media attention” mentality hinder the work they actually put in to find their loved ones! Don’t sit there and think the media is just going to KNOW your family member is missing! The media can’t KNOW the lil’ white girls are missing unless their families go to authorities and such, in efforts to locate them. Maybe it is a racial thing, because guess what? Perhaps more white people go to the media and MAKE people aware that there is a problem, and that someone is missing. The rest of you sit around criticizing the media and assuming they don’t care, but then don’t even try to approach them to get the word out. Media employees are not psychic. They get stories that are brought to them, or stories that people are making noise about. So for God’s sake, make some freakin’ noise!!!
x0x0♥

"How Come He Don't Want Me?"♥

So I woke up a little earlier than I would have liked today...I've been sick and my Mom-n-law called to check on me...and instead of hopping back into bed and going to sleep, I hopped back into bed and watched Fresh Prince lol.
It was the episode when Will’s father popped back into the picture and acted like he was going to do all this bonding and traveling and whatnot with Will, and get the relationship that they’d never had back on track. Very sweet of him…until he ends up leaving Will once again.
Very good episode.
The end always makes me tear up. Will goes off into this rant about how it’s OK that his dad left, and how he doesn’t need him anyway.
But wait…after the rant, Will breaks down and the final line is “How come he don’t want me, man?”…..{and scene!}…yes, I got teary-eyed.
I know this is just a TV show, but we all know that the situation is very real.
So basically, I just want to say that children know. They know when a person loves them. They know when they’re being paid attention to. They know when they’re your top priority. They just…know.
I don’t know the feeling of being a mother yet, but I know the feeling of being a child. Trust me on this.
Every single child who has grown up in a single-parent setting (with little or no contact with their absent parent) has wondered “How come he/she don’t want me” at some point(s) in life. Whether they voice this curiosity or not. No matter how good a parent they are being raised by. You can be the best mother in the world, but that doesn’t make you a father. A father needs to play that role. This doesn’t take away from your greatness as a mom, it just stands apart from that other void that only he can fill. Of course, the same goes for single dads. There will always be a void that their mom needs to fill.
If you’ve got children, take care of them. It matters. Financially, they need you. But it’s even more so, they need your physical presence. Your emotional investment in them WILL affect them in the long run. You being present and influential in their lives will help them form concrete memories upon which their character can build. Whether these memories are good or not all depends on the way you raise them…but being there really is a good start.
If you don’t have children…think before you make some. It’s selfish and unfair of you to bring any new life into this world that you’re unable or unwilling to nurture and love with every ounce of your being. If you're not going to nurture seeds, don't plant them in the first place!
x0x0♥

Dirty House? Clean It Up! ♥

So I'm making my way through cyberspace, and I come across this blog on Essence magazine's website, devoted to Single Mothers. I'm not a mother yet, but the blog tickled my fancy. One of the entries discussed the issue of men not bothering to see their children once the relationship with the child's mother has ceased...and it wasn't so much the blog topic that interested me. It was more the subsequent comments made by the readers of the blog. There was a mixture of women. Some were married and some single, some with children and some without. I noticed, though, that there was a lot of cattiness going back and forth, especially after particular readers began to go against the grain and point out that maybe single mothers are responsible for their situation, as they chose to procreate with men who they knew, for lack of a better term "weren't shit" when they laid down with them.
This gave me a couple different reactions, actually. First off, are we as women really so judgmental towards each other, that we jump to conclusions as soon as we hear about what we think is "just another baby mama"? I know there are women out there who epitomize the "baby mama" stereotype, but what about mitigating circumstances? There are women out there who did all the "right" things (had a relationship, got married, had babies) and STILL ended up as widows or divorcees. There are women who adopt children even though they're unmarried. There are women who opt for artificial insemination, because they're involved with a woman romantically. So why do we, as sistahs, let our minds immediately go to the image of child-support-collecting, club/bar-hopping, welfare-line standing females the minute we hear about someone being a Single Mother?
On the other hand, as soon as the single mothers of the blog audience read these opposing comments, they rose to the occasion. They were having none of that judgmental, lecturing, finger-pointing ish. Rightfully so, because there's a way for everything to be said. The comments that came across as judgmental actually held some merit. Not generalizing, by any means, but there are many women in the world who DO end up having children with men they KNOW aren't even mature enough, available enough, or even care enough to raise a child. Hell, some of these men can barely wipe their hind parts right, and probably shouldn't even be in a relationship with the woman, let alone putting buns into her oven...but she lets him.
We as women need to take responsibility for our actions, but we also need to start holding men accountable for theirs. Call it intuition, premonition, or whatever you want, but more often than not, we see women ending up taking on the role as a single mom, when she knew (whether beforehand, or in retrospect) that the man who impregnated her wasn't father or husband material. Some innate part of us knows this, at some point in the relationship (or lack thereof). We could male-bash all day, but if we really look inside our souls and minds, we'd realize that we as Black women are so much smarter than we give ourselves credit for. And guess what? Many of us have our own single moms to thank for that! We can usually spot BS a mile away, but what makes us turn a blind eye?? Is it love? Is it lust? Is it stupidity? Is it our desire to be loved? The roots of this discussion are soooooo deep....
One thing I’ve noticed is that Black women may throw shade at our male counterparts, but we’re actually very protective of them. It’s our instinct to want to help and nurture them. Although some of them hurt women to their core, the Black Woman still has so much love for the Black Man that she forgives him, and buries the hurt into her subconscious and struggles to move on and give him a pass. I love that we have so much love for our men, but we need not love them at the expense of loving ourselves. Part of loving someone is being able to acknowledge their flaws and mistakes. Not dwell on them, but acknowledge them. Sweeping everything under the rug doesn’t make your house clean...
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The Power of Pink♥♥

We're over half way through the month of October, and for those of you who don't know, October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month... Research is still being done to find a cure for all this cancer going around, and you can be a part of the race for a cure. Save the Ta-Tas is just one organization devoted to contributing to breast cancer research. The store I work at, ToRRid promotes Save the TaTas and all month long we offer a 10% discount off your total purchase when you donate at least $1.00 to the National Breast Cancer Foundation. The Save the TaTas brand offers very cute clothing and accessories!

I lost my mother in February 2008 to colon cancer, so I can tell you from experience that these diseases can creep up and you won't even know what hit you! Stay informed. Get mammograms regularly. Numerous websites offer information on self breast exams that you can do on your own in the shower. Take care of yourselves, ladies, and spread the word to your family, your church members, your girls, your co-workers, and your classmates.

Cancer knows no race, no class, no color, no size, no shape, or no age.
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LBGT and Me...♥

It seems like the last couple weeks, I've been hearing more about Gay Rights and whatnot than usual (or at least I've been paying more attention than usual)... I guess I had never stopped and thought about how I truly feel about gay rights, gay marriage, etc. until recently. Sure, it's a big issue in society in recent years, but I'm all about the manparts LoL, so I never really got into all the hype... however, over the last couple weeks, and after hearing many viewpoints, my opinion is this::
Who are we to judge?!
I don't have any qualms with being a person who believes in God but is not opposed to gay marriage. I've had debates in which my own religious beliefs have been questioned, simply because I don't oppose this issue. But here's the thing: There's no one walking this Earth who can tell me about my relationship with my God. Not one preacher, teacher, Bible-toter, zealot, etc. My salvation is just fine, thank you.
I just believe in the theoretical separation of Church and State. This is my personal opinion, and I stand by it. Plainly put: Rights are a LeGaL matter. Religion is a PerSonaL matter. See how those words differ? EVERYONE in the WORLD does NOT PRACTICE RELIGION!! I know people would love to believe that everyone believes in their God and that we all are just one big happy Christian family. The reality is that there are people in this country who have no religious beliefs, or loose religious beliefs, or whatever. What right do we have to strip people of their LEGaL rights just to satisfy our RELIGIOUS beliefs?? You mean to tell me that if I were an Atheist, and I were gay, I couldn't get married to the love of my life because your Bible says its an abomination??? You know what I'd tell you? I'd tell you to Hell with your Bible. And those are not my feelings, whatsoever, but all I'm saying is that people should have the choice. It should not be made for them. I don't believe it's right to just say "Hey, we love God so you can't get married, whether you love Him or not!" It isn't fair. How can we sit here and throw the First Amendment around anytime we go on strike or decide to make a speech or write something...but then forget about the part of that VERY SAME amendment that states we have freedom of religion, and that the government should not "prefer one religion to another religion, or prefer religion to IRRELIGION"?
My Bottom Line: Whether or not we as individuals practice religion shouldn't play a role in the legislation of this nation.
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