Shoutout♥

to the people who feed off drama. So much so, that if there is no real drama going on...they'll actually go so far as to make some/seek some out. Really? It'll never in life be that serious. 

to the white people who walk their kids in the mall...on leashes. RETRACTABLE leashes. Pink retractable leashes... I was flabbergasted when I saw that ish...little girl goes runnin. Leash freezes. Little girl falls FLAT on her pull-up padded ass. SMH.

to the people who are STILL FBing and talking about the BET awards. Yours truly did not watch them, and has no intention of doing so. Over it!

to B.ossip...try as I do, I just can't seem to stay away....

to Summertime Funk. And no, this isn't some new genre of music...I'm referring to those {particularly femmes} who don't realize that going without showers/baths, and the appropriate subsequent toiletries {deodorant, spray, perfume, etc} isn't EVER cool...but when it's 80+ degrees each day...the sh.t is just TOTALLY unacceptable. Fix it.

to the dude who approached me at the mall as I was shopping the other day. Reeking of liquor. At 6-ish in the evening. First of all, why are you wasted this early? Second, why are you wasting said wastedness on a trip to the mall lol? The guy had the nerve to be cute, too {not that it'd matter to me} but his err... condition...eliminated ALL possible cool points. SMH.

to the homeless man who's ass I wanted to kick the other day. Because of his pitiful little face, the sapp in front of me at a stoplight decided {at the last second} that she just HAD to get out of the car and put some money into the damn cup. Almost making me miss my light. 

to The-Dream...for sounding eXACTLY the same in every single song, remix, feature, etc.

to Adam Rodriguez...just because I was watching CSI:Miami earlier, and thought his gorgeousness was worth mentioning. 

x0x0 ♥

Skintimate...♥

it goes a mighty long way...
Working at the mall, I see a LOT of foolishness...but this past week a woman came into my store, and I swear to you she was sporting a full face of hair. The sideburns connected to the beard. The beard connected to the goatee. All that. Not faint little hairs, either...I'm talking full grown hair. I was in disbelief...I had to call on Jesus and all the disciples to keep my mouth from dropping as I greeted the woman when she entered my store. BTW, she also had on a too little shirt from Wally world, complete with the belly hanging out over the pants...but that was the least of her worries, as far as I'm concerned. 
What shocked me even more than all this....
A few seconds later her husband came in and put his arms around her and started talking to her. Her husband! He didn't look to hot himself...but geez. Both beards combined just seems like a whole lotta itchy fuzziness in one bed...I can't even imagine.
So this made me think...How many guys really care about hair? Facial hair...body hair...I just can't imagine being...okay with this. I can see not feeling like shaving your pits one morning...or even your legs, during the winter or something...but I've never seen a woman with facial hair so visible... She apparently isn't too worried about it, though, and neither is her man. It was all just pretty weird to me lol...
x0x0♥

Stanky Face... ♥

Earlier today, I was walking through the mall with my bestie and I was getting SO frustrated! First off, I don't know what it is about Black girls (and yes, I'm directing it towards our people, because they're the people I catch doing it EVERYday, EVERYwhere) but for some reason many feel the need to look every other Black girl in the vicinity up and down. Why? And I know you all know the look I'm talking about...that stank, "she-think-she-all-that" look that about 99.7% of the Black female population likes to give off. I just hate it. It makes me want to punch chicks in the face. Depending on my mood, my reaction to the Stanky Face may be to 1) return it, or 2) smile and keep it moving, or 3) glance indifferently at the person because I'm too cool for that BS. Lol. 
Second, what is it about moms and pregnant people that is just sooooo fascinating to random White people strangers? I can't even count the number of times when I've been out with my bestie and her son, and had weirdos trying to peep into the stroller/baby carrier, or wanting to touch his hair, or some other randomness. I get the whole "goo-goo ga-ga, he's so cute" thing, but WE DON'T KNOWWWW YOUUUUU! Lol. Gosh!
Another thing... I hate it when people wear leggings as pants. Why? Just don't do it...Apparently about 47% of the legging-wearing population didn't get the memo that the rule of thumb is, if it covers your ENTIRE {not half, or 3/4} butt, it's ok to wear with leggings. This applies to shirts, tunics, dresses, whatever... But if I can walk 4 feet behind you and see 1) the color, size tag, and design of your panties, 2) the fact that you're not wearing any panties, or 3) every dimple/bullethole/stretch mark/pimple, etc on your toosh...mayyyyybe you should do us all a favor and put on some damn pants! It's nasty! 
x0x0 ♥

Dear Lost Little Girl...

You are NOT a Barbie. 
Barbie is a set of carefully assembled plastic, created for children to play with. 
Although the distinction between the two is becoming obscured, People are NOT Barbie dolls. 

What's this fascination with all things fake? 
Is there like a limit to how much fake stuff you can have simultaneously? Lol...
Like, fake hair, fake nails, fake skin (makeup), fake eyes, fake lips, fake boobs, fake asses, etc.... I mean, where does it end? I blogged awhile ago about a chick who almost died from getting hydrogel injections in her butt because her boyfriend wanted it to be bigger. WTF?? Some people take it tooooooo far! I mean, personally I think that some of these things (nails, makeup, weave) are okay...in moderation. I mean, there are exceptions to everything, but I don't see too many people checkin' for a chick walking around with a caked on face, 60 inch hair, and 7 inch acrylics...If you feel like breast implants are absolutely essential to your well-being...get it how you live. Colored contacts...ehh. Whatever. But when EVERYTHING is fake...it's kind of a problem, don't you think? I don't feel like I'd wanna be the fool who dies because of some crap being injected into my face, ass, etc... 
x0x0

Game Over! ♥

This past year, my most highly anticipated reads were The Conversation by Hill Harper, and Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey. So I went out and bought them (usually I go to the library, but if I feel something is worth keeping I'll buy) and I read them. I loved them both. I've mentioned The Conversation in a prior post, back before people actually cared about my blog in October. It's a really good post, if I do say so myself. Check it out when you're done reading this one. {Yes, I frequently toot my own horn. On a healthy level, though} 
Anywho...
As I read both books, I thought about certain people, situations, or even memories of my own past and present that illustrated the points both men were making.
Why do we play games when it comes to the opposite sex? Men think women are the ones playing games, women think the men are playing them, so we respond by what? Playing along with them! I've always wondered, what is this unwritten set of rules that we tend to abide by? Who "un-wrote" them? I'd much rather find things out through trial and error than to abide by some rules that make me put my emotions in some box and toss them to the side. Then I read chapter 15 of The Conversation. My mouth dropped when I saw mention of the book The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right. Seriously? That's some mess I'd neither buy nor check out from a library. When did men and women become so disconnected to the point where we feel we need manuals to get to know each other?? To me, all this says is that women are mindless, uncreative creatures who need step-by-step instructions to socialize, and that men are mindless creatures as well, who will swarm to us when they see us correctly playing a role that's supposed to represent the perfect woman. The Rules apparently mentions things such as turning down a date if it isn't made offered at least 4 days in advance, and smiling a lot during the date, but not talking a lot about yourself. First of all, what the heck else are you supposed to talk about while getting to know one another?? Duh! As far as the 4-day thing...SMH. Apparently we should be mindless, uncreative creatures who sit and look pretty while lacking spontaneity, as well... I know idiots people who still swear by the rules from the movie Two Can Play That Game! I feel like if you aren't able to do something as simple as thinking for yourself or making conversation, maybe you shouldn't be dating, bringing someone else into your hot mess of a life lol! Seeing as how we all possess...I dunno...BRAINS and whatnot, every little rule isn't going to apply to every person you meet and/or decide to date. Why place someone in a box instead of giving yourselves the space to honestly get to know one another? If you're playing a role, chances are they can tell and will probably play a role to keep up, or dismiss you altogether because, let's face it, a pretty smile is only going to get you so far. Show your personality, and let them decide if they'd like to pursue something with you! I'm sure it probably sucks monkey balls to meet someone and get bamboozled into believing their everything you've ever wanted, only to marry them and find out down the road that they were "just playin'"...
xoxo♥
PS: In honor of this post, here's one of my all-time favorite Maxwell joints. Enjoy!

Dirty Laundry...♥

So I'm sure we've all either seen Precious by now, or decided flat out that we're not going to watch it...right? Lol... Well I watched it today. Heavy stuff... that's all I can say. I've never done this before, but I watched it on one of those online websites (shh!) and I have to say...I'm glad I did. I had to pause and take a break multiple times. I wasn't sure what to expect, because I've never read Sapphire's Push, and I didn't read any of the reactions on blogs and things like that until after I saw the movie. So, that being said, I thought the movie was quite good. Mo'Nique played the hell out of her role...I can't even imagine what it took for her to get into character for some of those scenes....
I've heard a lot of complaints, though. It's kind of irritating, because there are people complaining who either didn't like the movie because of it's subject matter, or decided not to see the film (again, because of it's subject matter). Here's my thing: the good thing about Precious is that it's based on a novel. Didn't like the film? Maybe you should have read (or wikipedia'd) the novel first. Saved yourself some gas and a couple bucks. For those who decided not to see it because it "makes Black people look bad", all I have to say is this: If you think Precious is part of the problem, then you're part of the problem. 
It's true, abuse, incest, rape, teenage pregnancy, and all that occur in all races, but a major problem is the fact that these things are swept under the rug so much. When will it be ok and acceptable to talk about the taboos of the black community? Last year, 3.3 million Black women were sexually abused...and that's just the cases that were reported. I've heard people say that it's embarrassing that Black people always have to be seen in this type of light, but does sweeping these issues and statistics under the rug solve anything? The things that Precious' character went through are not uncommon, and as a Black woman who hasn't gone through half of that stuff, I had to walk away from the movie a few times. Imagine how many people in the theaters had actually shared some of those same experiences? Too many, I'm sure. 
What are we so afraid of? Embarrassment is a minor price to pay if it means making a change in our culture. Abuse is NOT okay. It's NOT normal. It is NOT supposed to happen to everyone. So why is it that when these things are pointed out, people act so offended? Instead of complaining, come up with some awareness and prevention ideas. Precious could easily have been your mama, auntie, sister, cousin, niece, wife, friend, etc when she was younger. Or it could be them now. Think about it. 
x0x0♥

Self-Hatred...SMH.♥

So I was watching Judge Alex the other day (I think?) and there was a woman who, in my opinion, is CLEARLY Black suing a friend of hers for an unpaid loan. The purpose of the loan? Hydrogel booty injections, which I’ve mentioned in a prior post. The issue this time, however, isn’t those trifling injections, it’s the Black woman’s obvious self hatred! I embedded the videos of the episode, so you can judge for yourself, but I’ll make a long story short with these highlights:

1) She doesn’t hate Black people, she hates Black WOMEN (because we’re evil and hateful)
2) She isn’t a racist, though
3) Her last name was Williams, but she changed it to O’Nassis because Williams sounded “too Black”
4) When asked what race she identified with, she refused to say she was Black, mixed, or anything. She replied “I’m human”.

According to the comments on these YouTube vids, she’s also appeared on the Judge Mathis show before. There’s so much wrong with these women, I don’t even have time to discuss it all right now, since I’m on my way out to work. Just wanted to share…


x0x0♥

Dude Said WHaT?♥

You know what grinds my gears?
When a girl makes status updates on Facebook about how this n*gga said such-and-such to me, and was trying to get with me, and blah blah blah, talking about how disrespectful dudes are when they approach her. Then 2 days later, the same female is updating her status talking about how old dude is taking her to the movies later that night.
What?
First of all, if a man {term used loosely} approaches you and the first thing he comments on is your ass or other womanly parts, he’s probably not going to display too many manners in future interactions. Plus, that's probably his way of letting you know that's all he's interested in. I mean, he’s probably THINKING “Man, she got a phat ass…” but voicing it as a pick-up line shouldn’t be the desired approach. HowEVER, if that is the approach you want from a guy, stop frontin’ and making statuses about it as if you’re so offended! You knew when the words left his trifling mouth whether or not you were gonna let him hit that give him your number. So what you acting mad for? Clearly if he was out-of-pocket when he approached you, but now you’re going out with him, he didn’t offend you too much.
x0x0♥

Girl, Eat that Sandwich...♥

Today in my Women and Gender Studies class, a guest lecturer spoke to us about eating disorders, disordered eating, and self-esteem issues, in both women and men. Mainly women, though, because we’re better it’s a WGST course.
A promo for the Tri Delts' Fat Talk Free campaign stuck out to me, because it’s part of their call to end “Fat Talk” amongst women. Fat Talk is the emphasis we put on ourselves and on others about weight in everyday conversation. Some examples of Fat Talk:

“Honey, do I look FAT in this?”

“Hey, you look great. Have you lost WEIGHT?”

“I’d love to go swimming, but my suit makes me look PUDGY…”

"Ugh, if I could just LOSE 3 POUNDS, I'd be happy."

We could talk for days and days about how the media and society influences body images, especially among women. The reality is that there is no “ideal” weight that every woman needs to strive for, because we’re all made differently. Health is what we should strive for, not an unobtainable weight that we see in (usually) photoshopped magazine ads and on starved models who are “thinner than about 98% of most American women.”
The video is kinda cool. It made me think. Which is the whole point of learning, right? Enjoy!



x0x0♥

The Blame Game pt. 2♥

It’s amazing to me that the race card is even thrown out in cases like this. Amazing, but not surprising. In my opinion, there is no Black community White community. It's all about the Green community. Money is the root of all evil, and at the end of the day, our world is all about economic class. There’s rich people, well-to-do people, poor people, and the people who are even poorer than that. People who are on the street, battling drug addictions and accompanying prostitution habits to support these addictions. The dismissed and forgotten. Depending on where you live, this may include people of ANY race. Black does not always = Poor.


We’d like to place the blame every and anywhere else, but it all starts in our homes and our communities. The devaluation of a Black woman’s life is blatantly obvious in the case of Cleveland’s little house of horrors. Why? Because 11 women don’t simply disappear. 11 women are dismissed and forgotten as we go on about our lives, all because they were just some “crack bitches”. Read the link before you come at me all crazy. Yes, this is someone’s family, but to those politicians, rich people, well-to-do people sitting in their nice warm homes watching the news, these are just a bunch of street women. If we want the world to see our value, maybe we should try seeing it in each other first. I'd hate to see someone I know personally on that list of victims, and I'd hate for my name to end up on a list like it. We've already lost so many lives to violence. Especially violence within our own "community".


Like it or not, let’s all start being real with ourselves for once. The reason this bastard was able to kill however many women (because everything inside me tells me that these 11 women were not his only victims) is not because the media paid no attention. He got away with it for this long because he systematically selected what our society sees as street women. As mentioned, I’m from Cleveland. I come from a home with a nosy grandma who peeps out the window constantly, watching what’s going on in our neighborhood. You can't tell me that there's not at least one neighbor on this street who saw and knew everyone's business. Where were the neighbors who saw these women going into the house of horrors, and never coming out? Women he lured in with drugs and alcohol, and women who had already been either partly or fully in the streets. ..He knew that no one would come looking for these women. And whether we’ll admit it or not, he was right. It's no secret that the relationship between lower socioeconomical neighborhoods and law enforcement isn't nearly up to par. This, however, would not deter me when it came to someone's life. How many police reports and missing persons reports were filed? Were the reports that were filed taken seriously? We as a community, and as a city owe it to these women to WAKE UP and realize that if we wanna place blame, we need to rightfully do so. Blame the politicians. Blame the media. Blame the Cleveland Police Department. But most of all, blame ourselves. Because all the signs were there.
x0x0♥

The Blame Game.♥

I’m from Cleveland, Ohio and I’m sure many or most of you have read about the serial killer who is so disgusting that I don’t even want to type his name in this post. As we speak, I’m on FB chatting with a buddy about what a shame it is...but my question is where was the outcry when the women initially went missing? I mean, the bodies recovered from the house are decomposed…meaning these women had been missing for some time. I’m not criticizing or accusing but if this is your family that you love so much, keep up with them. I’ve read that all these murder victims were also victims of drug addiction. This does not, in any way, take away from the value placed on their lives. It shouldn't. No matter what race or class, we all have someone in our family who is or has struggled with drugs. Does this mean we just leave them out there at the hands of killers like this? Pay no attention to the fact that you haven’t heard from them in days, weeks, months, or years?? When they go missing, raise hell UNTIL a body (dead or alive) is recovered. Not just AFTER the body is found and identified as your relative. These women are someone’s daughter, someone’s sibling, someone’s cousin, aunt, and perhaps even someone’s mother. Where are the search parties? The news stories? The newspaper articles? The Facebook and Myspace groups? The fliers?


There's so much to this story that it's mind-boggling, but when it's all said and done, realize that there are usually warning signs. More often than not. This isn't a charming, clean-cut, Ted Bundy type of killer. This man served 15 years in prison for violent crime. He was a registered sex offender. What guidelines for sex offenders were in place? When a sex offender moves into a neighborhood, is he/she just left there to do what they please? Why aren't their homes inspected? According to another article, as a sex offender, the guy was required to check in with deputies every so often, but all they did is come to his doorstep to verify that he lived there! Questions: Why the HECK are you stopping at the doorstep?? His home should have been searched top to bottom each time a check was conducted. According to the sex offender law, they can't search the homes of registered sex offenders without cause. That's BS, if you ask me. I don't really give two craps about the privacy rights of a registered sex offender. They shouldn't have any. He could have had women bound and gagged inside the home when the deputies visited. How would they know? Also, if deputies checked the home every few months, and the stench of decomposition had been lingering for years, how did deputies not notice? Most people haven't experienced the stench of a decomposed body, but it's very distinct. Even if a civilian can mistake decomp as stench from the sausage shop on the corner, I doubt a law enforcement officer should be mistaking it. It seems to me that more could have been done a long time ago...


I’ve also heard a lot of comments about their being a racial issue involved. Everybody contends that “If it were another lil’ white girl missing, the media would be all over it”…
Here’s the thing: STOP placing blame everywhere else. First of all, it’s unnecessary. Second of all, step back and look at the situation for what it REALLY is. A lot of Black people let that “White missing girls get more media attention” mentality hinder the work they actually put in to find their loved ones! Don’t sit there and think the media is just going to KNOW your family member is missing! The media can’t KNOW the lil’ white girls are missing unless their families go to authorities and such, in efforts to locate them. Maybe it is a racial thing, because guess what? Perhaps more white people go to the media and MAKE people aware that there is a problem, and that someone is missing. The rest of you sit around criticizing the media and assuming they don’t care, but then don’t even try to approach them to get the word out. Media employees are not psychic. They get stories that are brought to them, or stories that people are making noise about. So for God’s sake, make some freakin’ noise!!!
x0x0♥

Know What Love Is...♥

So I’m shooting my regular at 4pm (watching Tyra) and there’s a woman on there who almost died…yes, DIED…getting hydrogel injections in her butt… What????? Un uh.
I can’t take it.
The worst part of it all is that she even states that 1) She didn’t see anything wrong with herself prior to 2) her THEN boyfriend telling her she should get the injections, and 3) the guy left her after the incident, because he couldn’t hit that anymore. Again, I say…WHAT???
Thank God this woman’s life was spared, but my goodness…I can’t imagine going to those types of lengths for a man. If he’s with you, doesn’t that mean he accepts you and your ass (no matter how big or small, flat or round) as you are?? This woman had children at home, for chrissakes! What if she would have died??? Smh…ladies, learn to love you. You can’t live your life and make life-and-death decisions based on what someone else wants for you (which, really they just want for themselves). I don’t care how fat, skinny, dark, light, dimpled, saggy, or whatever you might be…someone out there will love you. As long as you love yourself enough to recognize what love is…
x0x0♥

Cha Ching, Mommy! ♥

What is going on with these spoiled ass kids today??? When did toddlers become high maintenance??? Lol!
I’m watching Divorce Court yesterday, and the couple consisted of a woman who CLEARLY had gold-digger tendencies, and a guy who apparently bought her love in the first place. The guy, nevertheless, seemed to be a good man and a great father to their 4-year old daughter and even younger son.
The wife was just a hot-ass mess altogether, and just when I thought I was too done with her, she opened her mouth and revealed that 1) her 4-year old daughter had a cell phone {insert side eye} and 2) aforementioned daughter wanted a credit card. Something is really wrong when your child even knows what a credit card is before they’ve even hit kindergarten. I’m still afraid of credit cards and I’m a senior in college! Oh, but don’t worry… Mommy promised toddler that she couldn’t have the credit card until she turned FIVE! Smh…
What are people teaching their daughters these days? I won’t even get on the sons, that’s a whole ’nother blog. But as women, why don’t people realize that everything you do, your daughters will absorb and store in their memories. Whether they want to or not. All the things you think kids don’t pay attention to, or won’t remember…think about the things you remember from your own childhood. You were pretty young, weren’t you? So why is it hard to believe that you’re presenting your daughters with the first script they’ll ever read as to how to conduct themselves as ladies? We have got to do better…
I have a cousin who is 5 years younger than me, and was the sweetest thing you could have ever met. Until her father re-entered the picture and began to spoil her rotten. She’s still got a hint of the sweetness, but now she’s 16, has had her own car for over a year (minus the license), will not wear anything that isn’t designer, and is currently driving her father’s Range Rover. In the last couple years, she’s become one of “those” girls. You went to high school…you know what I mean. What’s wrong with this pic?
What values are your daughters learning when credit cards and shopping sprees replace quality time and family activities? My only hope for my cousin is that she doesn’t grow up as the type of woman who believes she’s not supposed to work for anything, and who will only be with a man for the material things he can provide, forgetting about the love and affection that should come with any relationship.
x0x0♥

Random Lyrics i Love♥

“Shorty paint her face like a clown, but can’t take away the frown found under the makeup.
I asked her what’s her passion, answer was the paper; she sleepin’, they don’t want her to wake up.

Maybe then she realized her own beauty, baby you’re a star, not just the star of some dude’s home movies…”
---Talib Kweli; "Soon the New Day"

x0x0♥

Know Your Role!♥

“You’re married??? When the hell were you gonna tell me, Dante???“
“You never asked, Keisha. D*mn!”
I can’t count how many times I’ve heard females talking about how they dated a guy for oh-so-long, only to have it abruptly end with a late-night shootout phone call from his wife, his baby-mama, his MAN, etc, etc. Thankfully, I haven’t gone through this ordeal, but I mean honestly, I’m perplexed. One of the main stereotypes of women is that we’re nosy, and we always want to know every damn thing lol. So why is it that when our men are involved, we don’t check our facts? Or better yet, half the time we don’t even ask the things we want/need to know…
I understand that there are men who are just super slick with it, but how can you go on for months, years even, playing girlfriend-boyfriend with a man, only to find out he’s married? Or that he’s living with the mother of his 8 kids, and that they have twins on the way? Did the question of ‘marital status’ not come up on any of the dates, or in any of the conversations subsequent to the exchange of phone numbers? Aren’t there signs? What about the woman whose man you’re dating lol? Where is she when he’s with you? Who’s home is he spending the night at every night? If it’s yours, I seriously question the authenticity of his marriage. If it’s hers, I’d be inclined to say that you should consider yourself single, and run for the hills…
I don’t think that asking a person’s relationship status (past AND present) is too much to ask in the process of getting to know them. I mean, as much as people lie these days, am I supposed to just assume that you're single?? As if that stops men from hitting on women lmao...If I can’t ask a man about his relationship status without backlash, I know he isn’t for me. Clearly, there’s some unfinished business he needs to take care of. If nothing else, this is a subject that needs to be discussed PRIOR TO embarking on a relationship of any sort with this person…whether you’re both just in it for the horizontal polka, or one of you is looking to hit the snooze button on that biological clock…some things just need to be openly discussed.

I use the term “openly” discussed, because a lot of relationships crumble due to lies by omission. Some of us think that a lie is a lie, is a lie, is a lie…but there are some who believe in the adage “What they don’t know won’t hurt them”. I’ve learned that many men will lie/withhold information until you dig it out of them. They get away with as much as they are allowed to get away with. This goes for some women, too. (lest I be considered sexist lol)

My bottom line: Ask direct questions. You should get direct answers. You DO have the right to this information, and any man requesting your time and goodies company should be willing to give the info to you. If he evades the truth, or blatantly stalls before responding…reevaluate your sham of a relationship. If he directly answers, listen to him. If his answer is in your favor, at least now things are clear. If his answer involves a gang of neck-poppin, beretta-toting baby mamas, and an even bigger gang of kids…run for them hills, baby!
x0x0♥

Black Girls Lost...♥

"You can't find a man until you find yourself." --Common.
Why do so many females believe that their happiness begins and ends with a boy/man? Is this a gender thing? A race thing? A society thing? I can only speak on what I've seen.
When I left home and moved here to attend college, I realized a lot of things, among them:
1) Most college boys are even more disgusting than I was warned.
2) Everyone feels like they have something to prove.
3) A lot of girls are sluts.
I began to observe my surroundings more because I was away from home, in a new environment, and out on my own. Everyone seemed to be trying to live up to this persona, but really so many people were concerned with putting up fronts, and watching others’ fronts, that they aren’t even enrolled past their first semester. Girls act the way they act to get guys’ attention, and the guys act like they’re 'too cool' to impress their guy friends, even though they love the female attention…just personas and foolishness that they hopefully grow out of at some point in life. I think people believe they can get away with more on a college campus, because there are so many people (as opposed to a high school environment) that maybe they won’t have to worry about everyone knowing their business. WRONG. In college, everyone knows someone who knows someone who…you get the idea. People have big mouths. The things you see and hear about on college campuses, in dorms, nightclubs, etc. are a little shocking to sheltered kids like myself, but after the shock comes the "what the hell" factor. I was standing on campus waiting for class to start a couple weeks ago and out of nowhere, two guys nearby began talking and laughing about a train they ran on a girl in one of the dorms the night before. Didn’t censor anything…This alleged train included the two guys, another friend, and one of the guys’ brother. WHAT the HELL???
What makes these girls act the way they do? It’s not even necessarily ugly girls who act a fool when they get a little male attention. And promiscuity isn’t the main thing I’m directing this towards, it’s more of a consequence of the bigger problem: females’ need for validation. Half the things these girls wear, do, and say are CLEARLY seeking out validation from their male peers. Why? Are they searching for love and affection? Acknowledgement? Attention? Or is it simply acceptable to conduct yourself like this, just because you're "in college, and this is supposed to be the best time of your life"?
I just feel lucky to be one of the women who realizes a man’s validation does not make or break me. I love it when my boyfriend says sweet things, and compliments me on my beauty (inside and out), but I recognize that whether he voices those things or not, they still exist. I’m still beautiful inside and out, regardless of someone verbally telling me that I am. My beauty was there long before my boyfriend came along, and if ever God feels like removing him from my life, my beauty will still be here. I wish all women could feel this way, because I also know how it felt at the other end of the spectrum, not believing in your own beauty. Luckily, with God and a great family, I learned. I’m a better, confident, self-motivating and self-indulgent person today because of it. I believe that this is instrumental in my friendships, my relationship, and my general interaction with people on a regular basis. My boyfriend respects me, mentally, physically, AND emotionally. My friends (the real ones who’ve outlasted the fake ones that I’ve weeded through) respect me. My family adores me. I don’t know what people have to say about me behind my back. Nor do I care. Honestly. I just know that my attitude and my aura command nothing less than respect. No one has the power to make me feel less than spectacular. My mama taught me better than that. And I’ll teach my children the same.
x0x0♥

Pink is the New....Yellow? ♥

I was reading this article about PiNk taxis...and I love it!! They're sooo0000ooooo cute! I'm so intrigued, because I've actually never ridden in a cab before lol...A pink one is right up my alley! This makes me wonder, though, do people in places full of taxis (ie, the Big Apple) actually drive? Is there a point in even owning a car? Economically, what’s more practical: buying a car and paying for gas or paying cab fare? Are there like weekly passes and stuff for cabs or do you really have to come out of the pocket everyday? Are cars emphasized as much as they are here in the Midwest? Does a tricked-out ride really matter in the sea of bright yellow vehicles? Lol…random, I know…I don’t think I’d know what to do with myself if I had to hail taxis and all that every day…definitely would be in a state of shock lol. But on a serious note, these Pink Taxis are actually a company in Mexico, but hey, maybe the idea will spread. Their purpose is to provide 1) employment for women, with a female-only driving staff and 2) rides for women who are fed up with flirty, creepy male taxi drivers… I think it’s great. More power to them!

x0x0♥

Bitches & Sisters♥

I attended a conference at my university a couple weeks ago, which covered subjects such as prostitution, human trafficking, abuse, and the like. During one session, we watched Byron Hurt's documentary Hip-Hop: Beyond Beats and Rhymes. I'd seen the documentary a few semesters ago, in my African-American Culture course. The film was just as good the second time around...
A scene that really stands out to me captures Byron's interview with spring breakers walking on the streets of Daytona. He asked guys how they felt about hip-hop lyrics referring to females as bitches and hoes, and he asked women how they felt about being referred to as bitches and hoes. One woman's reply ran somewhere along the lines of "I know they're not talking to me personally, so it doesn't matter." This is a view that many of us share, living in this desensitized world that we live in. After awhile, it becomes hard to ignore the level of misogyny that appears in today’s hip-hop music.
I, personally, do not feel targeted by hip-hop lyrics. As a woman, I understand the argument that when rappers refer to women as bitches and hoes, this is applying a blanket term to us, our mamas, daughters, sisters, cousins, neices, etc. I don’t agree with the misogyny, but I do recognize that for some reason this is what consumers of hip-hop music collectively pay money for, and at the end of the day these artists will do what they need to do and say what they need to say to get paid. Masculinity in our society is defined by how much money a man makes, how aggressive he is, and how many hoes he can get. Why should hip-hop reflect any thing different? Not defending this, just recognizing it for what it is. I believe Jeff Johnson said it best: "Don't blame hip-hop for society's sexism"...
My opinion: we can’t complain and be taken seriously unless we’re serious about it. We hear misogynistic music everyday. What do we do? We nod our heads to it in the car, or shake our asses to it at the club. We download it. We buy it. We burn it. We CONSUME it. If the misogyny hurts your feelings that bad, its on YOU to stop buying it, listening to it, watching it, reading it, and consuming it. It can be done. There are plenty of other options to listen to, watch on TV, and read. Until we can take a steady stand and say NO to misogyny, I think this is one aspect of the hip-hop culture that we’ll just have to deal with. I don’t foresee it going anywhere any time soon, especially if that’s what brings the money in…
x0x0♥

Dirty House? Clean It Up! ♥

So I'm making my way through cyberspace, and I come across this blog on Essence magazine's website, devoted to Single Mothers. I'm not a mother yet, but the blog tickled my fancy. One of the entries discussed the issue of men not bothering to see their children once the relationship with the child's mother has ceased...and it wasn't so much the blog topic that interested me. It was more the subsequent comments made by the readers of the blog. There was a mixture of women. Some were married and some single, some with children and some without. I noticed, though, that there was a lot of cattiness going back and forth, especially after particular readers began to go against the grain and point out that maybe single mothers are responsible for their situation, as they chose to procreate with men who they knew, for lack of a better term "weren't shit" when they laid down with them.
This gave me a couple different reactions, actually. First off, are we as women really so judgmental towards each other, that we jump to conclusions as soon as we hear about what we think is "just another baby mama"? I know there are women out there who epitomize the "baby mama" stereotype, but what about mitigating circumstances? There are women out there who did all the "right" things (had a relationship, got married, had babies) and STILL ended up as widows or divorcees. There are women who adopt children even though they're unmarried. There are women who opt for artificial insemination, because they're involved with a woman romantically. So why do we, as sistahs, let our minds immediately go to the image of child-support-collecting, club/bar-hopping, welfare-line standing females the minute we hear about someone being a Single Mother?
On the other hand, as soon as the single mothers of the blog audience read these opposing comments, they rose to the occasion. They were having none of that judgmental, lecturing, finger-pointing ish. Rightfully so, because there's a way for everything to be said. The comments that came across as judgmental actually held some merit. Not generalizing, by any means, but there are many women in the world who DO end up having children with men they KNOW aren't even mature enough, available enough, or even care enough to raise a child. Hell, some of these men can barely wipe their hind parts right, and probably shouldn't even be in a relationship with the woman, let alone putting buns into her oven...but she lets him.
We as women need to take responsibility for our actions, but we also need to start holding men accountable for theirs. Call it intuition, premonition, or whatever you want, but more often than not, we see women ending up taking on the role as a single mom, when she knew (whether beforehand, or in retrospect) that the man who impregnated her wasn't father or husband material. Some innate part of us knows this, at some point in the relationship (or lack thereof). We could male-bash all day, but if we really look inside our souls and minds, we'd realize that we as Black women are so much smarter than we give ourselves credit for. And guess what? Many of us have our own single moms to thank for that! We can usually spot BS a mile away, but what makes us turn a blind eye?? Is it love? Is it lust? Is it stupidity? Is it our desire to be loved? The roots of this discussion are soooooo deep....
One thing I’ve noticed is that Black women may throw shade at our male counterparts, but we’re actually very protective of them. It’s our instinct to want to help and nurture them. Although some of them hurt women to their core, the Black Woman still has so much love for the Black Man that she forgives him, and buries the hurt into her subconscious and struggles to move on and give him a pass. I love that we have so much love for our men, but we need not love them at the expense of loving ourselves. Part of loving someone is being able to acknowledge their flaws and mistakes. Not dwell on them, but acknowledge them. Sweeping everything under the rug doesn’t make your house clean...
x0x0♥

The Power of Pink♥♥

We're over half way through the month of October, and for those of you who don't know, October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month... Research is still being done to find a cure for all this cancer going around, and you can be a part of the race for a cure. Save the Ta-Tas is just one organization devoted to contributing to breast cancer research. The store I work at, ToRRid promotes Save the TaTas and all month long we offer a 10% discount off your total purchase when you donate at least $1.00 to the National Breast Cancer Foundation. The Save the TaTas brand offers very cute clothing and accessories!

I lost my mother in February 2008 to colon cancer, so I can tell you from experience that these diseases can creep up and you won't even know what hit you! Stay informed. Get mammograms regularly. Numerous websites offer information on self breast exams that you can do on your own in the shower. Take care of yourselves, ladies, and spread the word to your family, your church members, your girls, your co-workers, and your classmates.

Cancer knows no race, no class, no color, no size, no shape, or no age.
x0x0♥