Broken.

For every good day I have,
....there are nights like this. 
Nights when I'm just wide awake...with thoughts racing through my head about things that I just can't let go.
No matter how hard I try, or how much time goes by....my mind just keeps racing.
I'd love to let go, completely, and just....Be. 
The problem is that I let him in soooo deeply, that being just doesn't feel like being anymore. I'm just on the surface...going through the motions of everyday life, because the truth is, I don't enjoy anything anymore. I wish I could just snap my fingers and rid myself of all the memories. The promises. The dreams. The touches. The kisses..... But alas, they're still here...invading every breath I take, to the point where it literally hurts to breathe. Panic attack?
I haven't felt this way in awhile. 
I was slowly re-building the wall that he demolished, 
Because I can't go on feeling this way. 
At least not in public. 
I'm a woman. 
We're supposed to be strong. 
Fearless.
But I feel like a weak, scared child. 
How is it so easy for you to walk away? 
From the past...from the future. 
I just don't understand. 
I'm one of those people who's pretty good at seeing things from another's perspective....
But this.....?
I just can't grasp the concept of turning one's life upside down in the blink of an eye, and just leaving.
I can't look at a picture,
a wall,
a stuffed animal,
a letter...without remembering what was, and mourning what could have been....
I can't look in the mirror without wondering what was so wrong with me,
That you decided to simply leave. 
I feel like a fragment. 
I'm just.....
Broken.

Far Away....

"Tear stains on my pillow, 
Trying to forget YOU,
Don't know what I'm gonna do....
Four days and countin', 
I've been laying here staring myself in the mirror all alone in my room.
I can't feel this way again...
Gotta think with my head,
'Cause my heart is what got me here..."


"I was by your side when we were meant to be; I guess it doesn't matter now that you're so Far Away..."
--Ms. Marsha Ambrosius. ♥